My mother is 84 and keeps buying duplicates of things she already has. For example, she has 5 containers of drain opener, 7 funnels, 4 containers of WD-40, 3 bottles of bleach, 3 bags of sugar, 2 bags of flour, etc.
Recently, she purchased another set of plastic clothes hangers. She has at least 2 dozen of these hangers that she's not using...they are in plain sight. When I asked why she had purchased another set, she got angry and said that she had clothes that needed to be hung up in her closets (she has 3 closets in her 2 bedroom apartment). This isn't true. Any of the clothes that need to be hung up are already on hangers.
She rarely bakes and, if she does, she makes a Jiffy cake mix or some other dessert that has all the ingredients in the box. So, I see no need for so much sugar or flour.
She still drives and goes shopping by herself.
HELP!
Check the pasta and dried beans for bugs. Check the canned goods, there will be 20 year old cans of soup in the back. The bottom shelf in the fridge will have unidentifiable remains of food in a plastic container dated 2001. NEVER believe the label if the container is open, the "premium coffee" may actually have floor sweepings from the dollar store. A gallon of Gallo Paisano turned out to be just water. Check the bills, some are paid twice and others not at all. The really annoying bills, like property taxes, get hidden in the "paid" stack. Last but not least, check the car. If all four corners are scratched up, she is parking by feel. You must be on constant alert!
The other problem is that my mother and I have never gotten along. I've never lived up to her expectations but I'm the only one who lives near her. She constantly belittles me and comments about my weight, that I married someone who never earned any big money (my husband is a retired school teacher), etc. These comments are not new...so I don't believe that I can "blame them" on any type of dementia.
I wouldn't have even known she had all these duplicate items but I recently moved her from a small house to an elderly (non-assisted) apartment building where everything is on one level. During this move, I found all the duplicates.
Additionally, the 2nd bedroom of the new apartment has now been filled with boxes of craft items and other things that I didn't have any other place for during the move. Most of these items were on the 2nd floor of the house and hadn't been touched in the 2 years she lived there.
My mother insists that she NEEDS everything! What's my next step?
You've tried to reason with her. Asking why she has 7 funnels and 4 cans of WD-40 is a very reasonable question but her answer is not reasonable. She sounds very defensive. Maybe it's the beginning of dementia and she's wondering why she's buying all of that stuff as well. Or maybe she has hoarding tendencies. The compulsive buying is a symptom of something.
In either case, there's not much you can do but try to keep up with all the useless stuff she's buying and getting rid of it before it starts taking up too much space. You can donate it or trash it.
My mother apparently had a fear of running out of food. When I got here the kitchen and dining room were stacked with food. The cabinets were filled to breaking. The counters were covered. You couldn't fit anything in the freezer or refrigerator. A major accomplishment after I arrived was handling the food hoard. It made her angry at first, but I did what had to be done for all of our safety. There was food dating to 25 years back in the cabinets and freezer. She protested, saying it was still good. I didn't listen and tossed it out. I took over the shopping and over time we used the hoard of food that was still good. Now everything is near empty, with just what we need for the week ahead. Feels good.
I would have not been able to do this so easily if I didn't live with her or if my mother was able to drive and shop. I don't know how it could have been handled except by me giving her no options about this important thing. I hope that you can find some way to handle it from where you are, lovetoplay.
When I moved her, I was able to get rid of a few of the things. I just left them in my car and never took them into the new apartment. I've still got stuff to move and don't know where I'm going to put it. The 2nd bedroom is almost full now and I've got a sewing desk and 2 chairs to put in there plus some other misc. items.
My mom used to craft and has accumulated a ton of stuff. But, she doesn't do that anymore and the kits, material, yarn and other items have accumulated. Now they are buried under the boxes that I moved last. She refuses to part with them. When I suggested that she ask any of the other ladies in the apartment if they knit, mom replied, "ABSOLUTELY NOT! NO ONE IS GETTING MY STUFF!!!"
I'm not a collector, so keeping all this stuff isn't familiar to me.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I could get rid of this stuff without mom knowing?
It does make me aware of all the stuff I have and try not repeat her actions.
Is mom still safe to drive, that may be the bigger problem. If she gas the funds, maybe it is nit such a bad thing, although it would drive me batty.
Good luck
She is obsessed with her money, so I remind her "hey, be careful where you spend", and that curtailed it some although I don't want her to deny herself some pleasures either.
IMO you can't stop the behavior and the more you argue the case, the more they go out and purchase more.
Hopefully it doesn't transcend into hoarding.