She's in an AL facility and is on a number of medications. I told her that it was against the rules to have alcohol, but she swears that she attends events at the AL and alcohol is served. Of course I doubt this is true. Since her diagnosis, I've noticed that she makes up memories. It's been almost three years since the onset of the disease and she used to drink heavily to self medicate. She when comes to my home for dinner, she always asks me to make her a drink. It's usually something with a lot of ginger ale. How can I dissuade her? It's getting to the point that I don't want to take her shopping at all. She's never been a really nice person to me, and she doesn't get her way she gets very nasty.
Care facilities are not prisons and people there should not be deprived of simple pleasures they have enjoyed all their lives.
My husband, Coy, had LBD. At one of the early meetings with the specialist I asked in front of Coy about wine and beer. Doc said please limit it to no more than 2 drinks a day, and watch for side-effects such as unsteady gait. The geriatrician concurred. Of course many of his drugs should not be taken with alcohol, but, hey, dementia is a terminal disease and it is a matter of balancing pleasure in the time left vs possible adverse reactions. It certainly wasn't as if Coy was going to drive or operate heavy machinery. (He did not have a problem with alcohol before dementia.) It made him feel more "normal" to drink a beer while he watched baseball on tv or to order a glass of wine at a restaurant. He often didn't even finish the beverage, but it made him feel good that he could have it. If there had been some medical reason not to drink, I would have done my best to "fake" it for him.
I like the idea of buying your mom a glass of wine at lunch while you are out, or telling the staff it is OK for her to have one drink if they do a happy hour. I'm not crazy about the idea of buying her a bottle of wine to keep in her room.
Each situation is a little different. It sounds like alcohol, or at least free access to alcohol, might not be as good for your mother as it was for Coy. Make your decisions in love and with your mother's best interest in mind. You'll do fine.
If at all possible, I would try to accommodate the desires of the dementia patient. The time they have left and the time that they will be able to enjoy themselves is limited. I try to keep that in mind.
imo , if much younger people with dubious qualification had the authority to pump medicine at him , who rescinded HIS right to make himself feel better ?
And some ALs do serve wine or beer with special meals or events, so if she shouldn't have any at all you should check about that.
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