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I think it is up to her lawyer to weigh in on what parts of the Trust can be changed. S/he may also want an evaluation to determine if she is competent to make changes.
Is she threatening to disown you in order to manipulate you? My husband's mom did this; she also threatened to call APS on him because he told her that her smoking was bad for her COPD.
If my mother wanted to change her trust to disinherit me, she would have to do ALL the work herself. And that would include getting a ride to the attorney. She'd have to pay for a taxi, and she'd hate spending that money. She doesn't have a computer, so can'd do Uber.
(If I found out ahead of time, I would call up that attorney and tell him I question her legal capacity.)
And then if she succeeded in changing the trust to disinherit me, she would get no more help from me. She'd be all on her own.
(Actually, I think the cost to change the trust and the difficulty in arranging transportation to do so would dissuade her.)
Yeah - my in-laws threaten to do that whenever we don't knuckle under to their demands. It is her money (what part she can control) let her do what she wants but then you do what YOU want. Back away. My husband usually tries to talk to my in-laws "what is this really about, what are you angry about" and it is usually a boundary issue that we are enforcing. He then guilts them "what kind of parents disown children because the parents aren't getting their own way? sounds childish to me, but go ahead, and we can be manipulative too, we'll just cancel our flights to see you in July...." Call her on it.
The hard part is when a parent disowns you and you don't know it. I have friends who were the only siblings who took care of manipulative parents only to find out that everything was left to the golden child son who never bothered to visit.
"The hard part is when a parent disowns you and you don't know it. I have friends who were the only siblings who took care of manipulative parents only to find out that everything was left to the golden child son who never bothered to visit." Wow. And I bet Golden Boy never gave them anything from his inheritance? So they wasted (probably) years taking care of ungrateful, undeserving parents who thought their caretakers were worthless.
The same thing happened when my husband's mother died. 25 years before her death she willed everything to one son who lived 1200 miles away from her and rarely saw her, and not one thing to her daughter who lived fairly close and spent years being a good daughter to her, nor the other three siblings. Out of the five siblings only the one son was even mentioned in her will. Her estate was worth about $300k or more, but he didn't even think enough of her to use some of the money to have a funeral for her!! Crazy how some people conduct their lives.
With the "golden son" cases I mentioned - the parents were old fashioned - of course the daughter would have a husband to take care of her - she wouldn't need the money anyway......... Jeepers
An Irrevocable Trust is designed to be just that - Irrevocable. As in it can not be changed or altered in any way.
My son has an Irrevocable Trust. I was reading it the other day - which all the legalese makes nearly impossible. However, I managed. The part about it being Irrevocable was very strongly written and very clear. No. Changes. Ever.
I know when the Trust was set up - that was my intention. Now, twenty years later there is something I'd like to change. I'm making an appointment to see my attorney to check into it but frankly I don't think it's going to be possible to make the change. That will be okay - just not optimal.
I don't know if all the wording is pretty much the same in these types of Trusts when it comes to the "carved in stone" portion - but if your mothers Trust is written anything like my sons, I doubt if you've got cause to worry. Still have an attorney take a look at it just to put your mind at ease.
Rainmom is right. The irrevocable trust can't be undone. It is like a gift to the recipients that they have to wait until death to collect. Other trusts can be changed if a person is competent to do so.
If my mother was to threaten to cut me out of her will, I would tell her to go ahead. Her money and things don't mean anything to me. She did try to cut my brothers out of the will. Her lawyer even wrote the new will after I told him not to. I knew she wanted the new will because she was mad and would be a destructive final statement to her sons. I also knew she would regret the will, and that she was not competent to be making such changes. Some people would say I was stupid to not let her change it. But the money isn't important to me and the bad feelings would last. Sometimes we have to protect them from making mistakes.
I'm just sorry her lawyer friend wasted his time in drawing up the new will.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is she threatening to disown you in order to manipulate you? My husband's mom did this; she also threatened to call APS on him because he told her that her smoking was bad for her COPD.
He turned his back and walked away.
(If I found out ahead of time, I would call up that attorney and tell him I question her legal capacity.)
And then if she succeeded in changing the trust to disinherit me, she would get no more help from me. She'd be all on her own.
(Actually, I think the cost to change the trust and the difficulty in arranging transportation to do so would dissuade her.)
The hard part is when a parent disowns you and you don't know it. I have friends who were the only siblings who took care of manipulative parents only to find out that everything was left to the golden child son who never bothered to visit.
Live your life in the here and now.
An Irrevocable Trust is designed to be just that - Irrevocable. As in it can not be changed or altered in any way.
My son has an Irrevocable Trust. I was reading it the other day - which all the legalese makes nearly impossible. However, I managed. The part about it being Irrevocable was very strongly written and very clear. No. Changes. Ever.
I know when the Trust was set up - that was my intention. Now, twenty years later there is something I'd like to change. I'm making an appointment to see my attorney to check into it but frankly I don't think it's going to be possible to make the change. That will be okay - just not optimal.
I don't know if all the wording is pretty much the same in these types of Trusts when it comes to the "carved in stone" portion - but if your mothers Trust is written anything like my sons, I doubt if you've got cause to worry. Still have an attorney take a look at it just to put your mind at ease.
If my mother was to threaten to cut me out of her will, I would tell her to go ahead. Her money and things don't mean anything to me. She did try to cut my brothers out of the will. Her lawyer even wrote the new will after I told him not to. I knew she wanted the new will because she was mad and would be a destructive final statement to her sons. I also knew she would regret the will, and that she was not competent to be making such changes. Some people would say I was stupid to not let her change it. But the money isn't important to me and the bad feelings would last. Sometimes we have to protect them from making mistakes.
I'm just sorry her lawyer friend wasted his time in drawing up the new will.