Telling me that she can't believe I would be in control of her life. She needs an assistant living, I think that would help the stress. But she can't be trusted not to leave and never come back. Plus she makes 12 too much to qualify for assistants. Her life is in my hands and there's nothing I can do to help her.
put yourself in her place. if someone came up my hill telling me how its going to be theyd leave feet first.
Crimson I really sympathise with how worrying and stressful it is to be afraid for her safety and at the same time get opposition when you try to intervene. To an extent all you can do is try to anticipate problems, arrange objects etc. as safely as possible, get OTs in to advise on adaptations, get a personal alarm system (if she'll accept one) and cross your fingers. You minimise the risk as far as you can; the remaining risk, which can seem to us to be still terrifyingly huge, you somehow have to come to terms with, breathing deeply and evenly through your nose. And if your mother is trying to chase you out wielding a broom, and she technically still has capacity, then all the more so. You just have to wait for a significant event and hope to God she doesn't actually get hurt.
Sigh. It's a fine line between helping and controlling. I suppose you could try "I'm not trying to control things, mother. What can I do to help?" But if the fact is that she's frustrated and frightened by life not making any sense, then she's going to be scattering blame around and I'm afraid you're right in the firing line. Just try not to take it to heart.
I am so sorry that you have become a member of this club.