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Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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firsttimer1, your Mom sounded like my Mom when first introduced to a caregiver. My Mom did NOT like having another woman in the house to take care of her and my Dad. Like, how dare this younger woman make dinner for Dad (and Mom) !! Mom actually threw the food on his plate into the trash.
Oh the fights my parents had as Dad thought having a caregiver was a great idea. Moving to senior living was also out of question for Mom, Dad would be packed in a New York minute.
So, I had to scrap the idea of having a caregiver for them, and just let nature take its course. Sadly my Mom passed a few months later from numerous head trauma falls that landed her in a nursing home. Dad asked me to re-hire the caregivers for himself.
I'd tell her there is no choice, you can't hire a caregiver just to drive her around, most states it's a mandatory 4 hours pay. So if your mom wanted her to just drive her, she will still have to pay her for 4 hours.
Tell mom , there is no other option.
I think giving a bit of time mom might really enjoy the company
I do a two-hour minimum and no aide ever does longer than four or five hours at a time with any client unless it's a special circumstance. This is for the mental health of the aide.
You handle it by telling her that she either allows full-time help at home or she will have to go into an assisted living or memory care facility. And quite honestly as she progresses in her disease she will more than likely have to placed in memory care anyway, as 24/7 in-home care often costs way more than a memory care facility.
How true that is about the cost. When my Dad had 3-shifts of caregivers at his house it was costing him $20,000 per month. Then Dad asked about senior living, when he heard it would cost him $6k per month, he was ready to sell the house and move. (those costs were in 2015-2016)
I agree with pointing out the facility alternative to her, but another tactic may be to use a therapeutic fib and say that her doctor has ordered this additional help (and whether or not saying it's "free" will be up to you -- sometimes elders balk because of the perceived cost of something).
With my very elderly Aunts (several states away) they were resistant to a companion aid and I told them it was more for me than for them since I couldn't be there in person to help them. A lot has to do with the loss of privacy and adjusting to a stranger. If someone has memory impairment then you may need to continually make this case to her. I for sure would work with the aid on what to do if she shows up and you Mom tries to send her away or fire her.
With my folks, I told them how things were going to be. They didn't have to be dancing with joy about it, but as an only child, and with 2 of them to deal with on my own, with various health issues, here's what's going to happen mom and dad. Mom always pushed back, while dad understood my intentions were in their best interest. My mother was always wanting to irritate me and cause friction, for decades. Once dementia set in, it was even worse.
I had no other choice but to move her into Memory Care Assisted Living from regular AL after dad died and she became wheelchair bound. All she did was complain constantly, but that was her nature. She loved to be wonderful to others and antagonistic and miserable to ME. Memory Care Assisted Living was the best choice for both of us, in reality. I had less exposure to her toxicity, and she was in good hands with great caregivers who rarely saw her true colors.
You need to set down the rules for mother and the boundaries for YOURSELF. Otherwise, dementia can easily cause your mom to "refuse" everything, when given a choice. The best thing to do is not give her choices. Hopefully, you have POA and as such, POA makes the decisions for the demented elder and not the elder anymore. As it was with my parents.
Everyone loses with dementia. You, mom, the whole family. It's an ugly and horrible disease that strips everything away from EVERYBODY. Make your mind up now whose in charge, or you'll wind up jumping down the rabbit hole WITH mom and then chaos prevails. Let common sense prevail instead.
You will become the parent now and mom the child. In fact, my mother used to introduce me to others as her mother. That's the way it goes, sadly.
My four year old grandson doesn’t like to be told that he can’t eat ice cream three times a day. We will never get him to “buy in” to this decision. He HAS to learn how to be content with it. It’s what’s best for him. If he were to throw a tantrum, or sneak ice cream, he would face the consequences of that decision.
Unfortunately, we are now the decision makers for our parents. If they can’t become content with our decisions, made with their best interest at heart, they will have to reap the consequences. See what happened to FF’s mom. 😞
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Oh the fights my parents had as Dad thought having a caregiver was a great idea. Moving to senior living was also out of question for Mom, Dad would be packed in a New York minute.
So, I had to scrap the idea of having a caregiver for them, and just let nature take its course. Sadly my Mom passed a few months later from numerous head trauma falls that landed her in a nursing home. Dad asked me to re-hire the caregivers for himself.
That's sad. I hope your father was able to get his caregiver back and live in peace after your mother passed.
Tell mom , there is no other option.
I think giving a bit of time mom might really enjoy the company
And quite honestly as she progresses in her disease she will more than likely have to placed in memory care anyway, as 24/7 in-home care often costs way more than a memory care facility.
With my very elderly Aunts (several states away) they were resistant to a companion aid and I told them it was more for me than for them since I couldn't be there in person to help them. A lot has to do with the loss of privacy and adjusting to a stranger. If someone has memory impairment then you may need to continually make this case to her. I for sure would work with the aid on what to do if she shows up and you Mom tries to send her away or fire her.
I had no other choice but to move her into Memory Care Assisted Living from regular AL after dad died and she became wheelchair bound. All she did was complain constantly, but that was her nature. She loved to be wonderful to others and antagonistic and miserable to ME. Memory Care Assisted Living was the best choice for both of us, in reality. I had less exposure to her toxicity, and she was in good hands with great caregivers who rarely saw her true colors.
You need to set down the rules for mother and the boundaries for YOURSELF. Otherwise, dementia can easily cause your mom to "refuse" everything, when given a choice. The best thing to do is not give her choices. Hopefully, you have POA and as such, POA makes the decisions for the demented elder and not the elder anymore. As it was with my parents.
Everyone loses with dementia. You, mom, the whole family. It's an ugly and horrible disease that strips everything away from EVERYBODY. Make your mind up now whose in charge, or you'll wind up jumping down the rabbit hole WITH mom and then chaos prevails. Let common sense prevail instead.
You will become the parent now and mom the child. In fact, my mother used to introduce me to others as her mother. That's the way it goes, sadly.
Good luck to you.
Unfortunately, we are now the decision makers for our parents. If they can’t become content with our decisions, made with their best interest at heart, they will have to reap the consequences. See what happened to FF’s mom. 😞