I live far from my mother. She has been experiencing a rapid mental decline and is now calling me in what I can only describe as a delusional state -- for example, that everyone in her building is leaving for California and she is going to be left alone. She is crying and scared at times but doesn't appear to be at risk of harming anyone or herself.
In the last few months, my sibling, who lives closer, has taken her to the ER in the middle of a less severe episode. They ran every test and found nothing aside from some verbal confusion.
Last week during an episode, I had a police officer do a wellness check. She did not appear to be in danger, so they couldn't do anything.
I was just able to use social services to set up an in-home counseling service, but this doesn't feel like the exact need right now. My sibling may take her back to the ER again Saturday, in hopes of them finding something (last time, she seemed to rally when she talked with them; things are more severe now).
Is this the route or am I missing something?
She has no healthcare or money. The last time I called Adult Protective Services, they put me in touch with Catholic Charities, which provides aging services in the area, and I was unable to complete an intake without her personal info (SS#, etc).
In terms of traumatic events, she is under a lot of stress as she has been living with my father, her ex, for the past year. They bicker constantly. There is no abuse going on that we can tell, but I think this may have triggered old traumas related to his (previous and current) alcoholism.
To answer some other questions: My feeling had been this was a dementia issue, but now I think it is a mental one related to stress. Her place varies from cluttered to light hoarding by room, but when I was home in December, I found that her bed was unsleepable and her shower unusable (we spent that whole visit cleaning and setting up antennae, DVD players, and senior remotes so they could watch TV). They did find a slight UTI when she was in the emergency room -- I was surprised so many people mentioned this in their responses. I will be researching this when I am home from work.
I should note she is "only" 60 years old and had no interest in addressing these issues in their earlier stages or during the times I have been able to visit with my young children (3-4x/year). She is now very interested in senior living centers...and expects me to arrange this for her.
(Meanwhile, she has lost literally *all* forms of identification (SS card, birth certificate, license, any previous work ID) except for the BCBS card. It's hard to say how much of a barrier this is turning out to be... My sibling, a brother in his 20s, is not much help.)
Everyone dreads this time in their lives when they are confronted with this situation because it's unlike anything they've ever faced before and it is like walking into the jaws of hell. People can tell you what they've done - contacting an elder care attorney, selling the house, applying for Medicare and Medicaid, taking her to the doctor, finding a place for her to live if not with one of you, and the list goes on. But everyone's experience is very different. Yours will be too. And it all depends on your mother and you and your sister.
This is your time. You're going to have to go and figure out first hand what to do. This means traveling, taking time off from work, if you work, and making arrangements for your family responsibilities while you're gone. It may require more than one trip.
There is no easy way to do this. She desperately needs help, and you need to go help her. I'm so sorry.
Good luck.
Someone suggested selling her house if she has one, and someone else suggested you foot any bills yourself. But suppose neither of these is an option?
I have no answers or suggestions. I'd just like to redirect the community to these issues and ask if anyone else has any. The financial aspect must be considered, as well as the medical aspect. Meanwhile, I hope Catholic Charities is able to assist in some measure, and also possibly put you in touch with some other resources. And rest assured that I will pray for you and your mother as well.
put her on medication that helped immensely.
It may Come a Time when Mom ends back in the ER that Social Services will Then Intervene in Between in what is Best for Mom Then.
Sadly I had no choice but to empathize with her and play into her delusion this kept her calm and reduced the stress on me.
It sounds as though it could still be a health problem. Is she on any medications? Has there be a significant loss in her life? Spouse? Close friend? Siblings? The stress can cause this. Has she recently moved? Examine all the possibilities.
I've not experience this kind of behavior without a cause.
Is she old enough for Medicare? The Department of Human Services can help with the supplemental part. Often times then everything is completely covered.
We took her to the ER when she first began with these delusions in November expecting something similar. They "only" found a minor UTI and did not mention this!
Hope you can find some answers soon.