We researched all the brands to find what the most comfortable option is, and ended up with boxes and boxes of the things. She refuses to wear anything protective whatsoever. I got so tired of washing piles of stinky clothes, changing bed linens daily and shampooing her carpet weekly. Then she had a small stroke and had to go to a nursing facility. I thought that would force the issue but she removes the undergarments there too. We have had several serious discussions with her about the subject but nothing seems to work. Now if she returns home I am afraid the matter will become even worse. At my wits end.
Home and better now.
We ended up not giving my mom an option. There was no underwear available for her to wear except for the Depends. Like I said, maybe if you tried one of the cotton ones that are washable she might be more open to that option.
When we tried to get my mom to use the Depends she fought us. She was living with my brother and sister in law and my SIL was having a hard time getting her to use them. My mom would put the Depends over the regular underwear. My SIL still had to wash the regular underwear because it got soiled but I suggested that I would just buy my mom new underwear if my SIL didn't want to wash them. Finally my SIL was able to get my mother to use the Depends only.
I am so thankful that I didn't have to go through this fight with my mother. I know I would personally fight it myself. My mother is now living with us and I will give her new ones to put on daily. It is a relief not to have to clean up soiled underwear.
Good luck to you. It's a tough fight.
Before your MIL leaves the facility can you enlist the help of the social worker and sit down and talk with your MIL together and let her know that if she refuses to wear the protective garments that she may have to stay in skilled care because having stool over everything, on everything, and on her is a serious health hazard? I also think it's OK to tell your MIL that you are sick of cleaning it up. You could say something like, "Mom, I clean up after you all day long and I'm frustrated because you don't seem to want to help me. We live together, we're in this together, but I need your help." I've always been a huge fan of the "Help me to help you" approach as it always worked with my dad.
I'm assuming that she doesn't have dementia since you didn't mention it. All of this will only help IF she doesn't have dementia. If she has dementia you will probably need to come at this from a different angle.
Good luck, Cricketfarms!