Mom is 91 and has been in a Memory Care facility within 5 miles of my home since March of this year. She fell and broke her hip there, was in the hospital for surgery and then rehab for a month, then returned to the Memory Care facility. While she seemed to be doing well before the fall, when she returned everything seemed different. The people she had "hung out" with didn't seem to remember her (and she, them). Since she now was in a wheelchair and not on a walker, she was not as mobile as before.
The facility where she is now is expensive and continually having caregiver turnover. I know this is the case everywhere, but it is frustrating because continuity of caregivers is so important to a person with dementia.
I try to visit every day, and lately I have been seeing fairly substantial bruises on Mom's legs and arms. She had a cut over her right eye and a cut and bruise under her chin with bruises on her neck like someone grabbed her around the throat. Of course, none of the caregivers saw or know anything about these bruises! Didn't happen on their shift. Right.
Mom is not being showered. I know this because I do her laundry since they lost a large part of her clothes and bed linens when they did her laundry the first week there. I have seen no used towels or bed linens for three weeks. When I ask about this, I get the same "Let me ask so-and-so" reply. Or, "We can't force her if she does not want a shower." No one ever gets back to me. I finally got Home Health to send a shower aide! Now insurance is stopping that since she lives in a place with 24/7 care (supposedly).
She developed pressure sores because they "forgot" to reposition her in her chair regularly. I've asked them to put her on the couch or in a chair regularly to change her position. Not happening. I've asked them to toilet her after each meal and check her throughout the day for wetness. She has had a UTI four times in the 7 months she has been there. Almost every time I visit, she is wet.
There are only 13 residents in this Memory Care house with two caregivers per shift. We are supposed to have three, but they have yet to replace the House Manager who quit unexpectedly a few months ago. Yes, I have expressed my concerns to the caregivers, the Executive Director, the nurse who cares for residents in ALL SEVEN houses. I get lots of promises but no follow-through. I am currently looking at other places to move Mom and am trying to decide between a Group Home care or another Memory Care facility that Home Health nurses say has much better care than where Mom is now.
My concern is how it will effect Mom's dementia to be moved to a different place. She has deteriorated so much since being placed in Memory Care. Will she get enough stimulation in a place with only 6 people and two caregivers? This is so hard.
There were no complaints about her laundry or hygiene help or anything like that. They did attempt to force feed her at the end. Bestie and doctor put an end to that, and she peacefully passed.
Most memory care facilities seem to offer assisted living level of care and although they may promise they can care for people until end of life they are not really staffed nor have the appropriate equipment for those with higher physical needs.
I was worried about my MIL’s dementia moving in with us, but she’s taken everything we worried about in stride. For a few days in the beginning she missed her “friends”, her neighbors at her condo. She doesn’t even remember them anymore. Her room in our home is now like the only home she’s ever known, and we worried if she’d have trouble adjusting.
She’ll adjust. Safe and sound is best. I’d move her, me.