Background: My wife and I have been married over 52 years. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia 5 years ago, and I have been her primary caregiver ever since. We have 3 children who live up to 30 minutes away, two of whom come and visit mom once a week for a couple hours. After reading the excellent comments on this forum about caregiver fatigue, etc. I got to the point where I knew I could not care for my wife by myself any longer. I tried having her live in an ALF but soon had to move her to a MCF because she was exit seeking.
I have decided to sell my home in Washington and move to Utah where we will be around more family and friends. Before the move, I intend to find a good MCF for her. I plan on flying with my wife and moving her directly into the new facility upon our arrival.
My question is this: Is there a “best” way to do this to avoid high stress and high anxiety on her part? I did the “drop-off, step-off” routine the first time and wonder if that’s the best thing to do for the second time.
Thank you for any advice you can give me.
There really isn't an easy way to put someone to memory care that is not going to be stressful and high anxiety at some point.
Medicating her with some anti-anxiety meds and having your daughter come to help is an excellent plan. Ask her doctor if it's possible for her dose to be increased temporarily because of the traveling and for the first few days at the new MC.
Talk to the airport you're using and ask for a wheelchair for her. Even if she doesn't have mobility issues and many people with Alzheimer's/dementia don't. I suggest a wheelchair because I was a caregiver for a long time. I have had senior care clients with dementia but no mobility issues just go dead weight and have to be placed on the ground to sit, or in the aisle of a department store, or on the floor of a public bathroom. This kind of thing happens all the time and it usually ends with paramedics having to get the person up, a bout of incontinence, and hysterics. Use the wheelchair. Tie her in it with a posie or secure vest if you have to. Make sure there's a wheelchair when you land too.
After you get her into the MC, trying a lie or 'therepeutic fib' like Geaton suggests in the comments cound make the transition easier. Then you have to walk away and stay away for a few days. She has to get used to the new place.
You already know that a person with dementia declines in memory care. It's a tough decision for many family when they have to place a LO. Many people blame themselves when a person in MC declines because they placed them. Dementia is a terrible disease. The decline is no one's fault. The coming days and weeks are going to be hard on you but you're doing all the right things.
I hope everything goes as easy as possible for you and your family. Keep us updated.
It sounds like you are well prepared and taking your daughter along is a wonderful idea.
May The Lord bless your trip and make it a smooth transition.
No matter how you plan this
No matter what steps you take to make this as easy as possible she will decline.
I think even if you moved her from 1 room to another in the same facility she would have problems. (If her room is on the right side of the hall and you moved her to the left side it would confuse her for a while)
**I strongly suggest that you take someone else with you that she is familiar with and comfortable with. If you have to use the washroom, someone can stay with her, if she gets agitated there will be someone else to help calm her.
**Talk to her doctor about medicating her for agitation before you begin the trip.
**Make sure the airline is aware that you need a wheelchair to the gate.
**If you can get "pre-check" for security. (If medicated she will be a fall risk, you do not need her standing for a search)
All your explanations will not matter as most of what you tell her she will forget or not understand.
You could tell her ..."Betty, we are going to visit "Susie". The new Memory Care Facility could be the "hotel" . Bring her to the room and tell her you are going to get the suitcases.
In addition, you have no guarantee that you will find a memory care facility that will accept her! You might have to bring her into your new house! & then be forced to do accessible accommodation in new house. You can end up having a makeshift nursing home in your brand new house. Try finding so called family and friends then. No one will show up.
I wish you the best of luck and health. Hugs 🤗