My 65th birthday and no one remembered. How do you handle it?

Hello! We all need to love ourselves first and happiness comes from within. The birthday celebration you gave your self sounds wonderful. Im sorry that others are not available or aware. From 40 on I have done something special for myself on each milestone. Any card or greeting or gift is a bonus. As you continue to involve yourself socially in small steps maybe ask someone if they would celebrate your birthday with you. Make it as socially easy as possible. Go to a movie, walk through a park, get an ice cream cone! Here’s to you! Happy birthday!

I get it 100%.

I was not celebrated by my family growing up and when I got married it continued. My former MIL only gave me cards once i had produced a grandchild.

My son was born 3 days before my birthday, so he got all the birthday parties, cakes etc and 3 days later nothing for me. I certainly did not need another cake in the house, but no cards, not even ones the kids made, nothing.

It hurts, it really hurts., No matter what we do for ourselves that day.

I knew no one was going to celebrate my 50th, so I took myself to Las Vegas and saw Elton John, a circus and had an incredible meal out.

Having a lack of friends is hard too. I was always told by my Mum that nobody would ever been my friend and I was unlovable. It is very hard for me to maintain friendships or hold onto multiple ones at a time. My last friendship ended last year.

After 6 years of my being there for her, (moves, illness,cancer scare, hospitalizations, family matters) the one time I needed support I was ghosted. Calls were not returned, texts remained unanswered. It makes it hard to open up to another friendship when the last one caused so much pain.

There are three things you can do. 1) rethink your expectations. If you have no family or friends nearby, consider how realistic your expectations are. 2) examine how well you’re keeping up with other people’s birthdays. 3) are you speaking with/writing to those you want to hear from? It’s perfectly ok to let others know what you want from
them. It’s even more important to keep your expectations reasonable.

It’s OK to remind people a couple weeks before that your birthday is coming . some people really do forget birthdays happy birthday!!!🎊🎈

Happy Birthday! It IS your special day so celebrate it by doing special things for yourself.

My last birthday 'party' was in 1965. Family - it was just my mother - noone else and of course she always remembered it - but she tainted it because she wanted me to celebrate it as 'her' day because she is the one who had me. She didn't let me feel special - it was always about her. And with my lacking social skills, I never learned how to have 'friends' - even when I was younger. Even when I worked - I didn't 'connect' with co-workers. So, I stopped telling anyone when my birthday was - because that way, if they forgot I wouldn't be disappointed.

And being married doesn't make a difference, unless you have found that super special partner. Ex-husband forgot my birthday just about every year of 10 years. Even with my reminders! That felt even worse than not having anyone to celebrate with.

Over the years, I have celebrated my birthday my way. The entire day is for me - what I want to do, where I want to go, etc. I also start 'shopping' for my birthday gift months before so I can go buy it on my day. It has been a nice piece of jewelry, some new artwork, a 'expensive' handbag I was coveting....an item that when I see it, it reminds me that 'oh, i got that on my birthday!'I guess growing up the only child is a little easier for me to be alone most of the time.

On birthdays that have ended in 0 (20, 30, etc.) or 5 (25, 35) , I would book lessons for some activity that I have always wanted to learn how to do. Some activities I carried forward, some where a one time thing. As as result, I have learned how to do so much and experienced so much - scuba diving, sky diving, paragliding, motorcycling, horseback riding followed by equestrian dressage, martial arts (started at 60 and am still working my way to black belt), tap dancing, ballroom dancing, pole dancing (that one was at age 60!), play a guitar, pickleball, archery.

And I am also a rather open person, so on my birthday, when I am interacting with others, I don't hesitate to mention 'and today is my birthday'...inevitably, they will say 'Happy Birthday' - whether they mean it or not doesn't matter.

So, go out and celebrate and make that day special the way you know you can. Celebrate yourself - the person you are, the years on this Earth, all that you have experienced/gone through. Figure out those experiences you want to have - and then go for it!

Happy birthday 🎈🎂🎊🎁🎉

Your birthday is your special anniversary of life.

it should always be a celebration of you for you. Just enjoy and don’t look further.

Happy belated Birthday

I wish I could offer some great advice. On my 15th Birthday my mother told me that Birthdays were for kids and I wasn't a kid anymore so no more Birthdays, Not that I ever had a party or anything.

Personally, I look at it this way. It's YOUR Birthday, if you want to get yourself a gift, go for it. At least it will be something you want, be the right size, and you won't have to return it. There is nothing wrong with celebrating your own life. Happy Birthday to Youuuuu!

While I was caring for my father with dementia, everyone remembered his birthday but not mine. I got used to it, so I treat myself both on my birthday and Christmas. I might go to a movie or out to a restaurant. This year I bought myself a bike. It's a signal to you that you need a better social network. You need them more each year because you just can't go through life alone. Happy birthday and may 2022 be a better year for you.

Happy Birthday! You celebrated yourself which shows you value yourself which is a good thing. I think many people find themselves alone on their birthdays as we get older. This is not TV/Movies and we don’t all have huge circles of friends and family. Plus many people are pre-occupied with themselves these days. People move, people pass on, people lose touch with people they knew. Part of life. I think it is great that you did something for yourself. It was the the day you were born - and therefore a special day! Nothing wrong with that!

PS - As for the advice to turn to Facebook for friendship - I wouldn’t. IMO all of the “social media” platforms are a potential minefield of stranger danger situations- especially for someone who is socially isolated and therefore possibly vulnerable. FB is ok on a limited basis with people you know - but remember - it is not called FriendBook. On-line friendships are “virtual” and as real as the Easter Bunny🐰.

You did the best possible - you cared for yourself; you honored yourself; you acknowledged yourself w FLOWERS ! (and more ... ballon and decorated the table).
* If me, I would have stopped at getting flowers to brighten your home. Adding more - feels to me - to be the part of you that is the trauma 'acting out,' as it emphasizes what you feel - alone, as you say " ... but it feels so pathetic."
* I used to give myself birthday parties (invite 10-20 people). No one else was going to do it. It was fun and a way to acknowledge myself and bring people together. We all need to find our own way -
* If you purchase flowers, you can acknowledge their beauty and vibrancy. (I love flowers.).
* The truth is, while the date on the calendar is a landmark acknowledging your birth, the process of healing / managing trauma is taking a day at a time. In other words, consider celebrating your 'birth' everyday by doing something nice for yourself to acknowledge "I matter" "I am healing moment by moment" - and come up with other affirmations to say to yourself.
* We all could develop a process like this, even without trauma.

Yes, you may 'never change' as you say although reinforcing this way of thinking won't support you to change - it will continue to close that door. Instead, see that door opening a crack one day and then a bit more the next day - (or) in whatever visualized image you see.

As a healing process, write down how this site and support has helped you over the years by:

1. Starting a journal.
write down our words that support you and then write how you can put these into action.
2. By writing down what you have learned it, it will reinforce it - and shift your 'poor me' feelings-mind set into one of hope through shifting your thoughts.
Know that people here in this site care - this is why we are here responding to others, as I am now taking the time to do. As you say you don't have any friends, you do have people here who care.
3. If you want a friend, be a friend. Start by perhaps saying 'hi' to a neighbor.
While I do not know the pattern YOU create and continue to result in 'no friends,' be aware of that pattern and how you can take small SMALL steps to interrupt it and change it. Some people with low-self esteem push themselves on others out of unawareness and feelling lonely, expecting another to 'make you feel better' from a dependant state of mind. People don't 'DO" anything to you, they support you TO CHANGE (see 3a here).
3a. Do not have any expectations of 'friends.' Be aware that friends - real friends - tell THEIR truth. You may not want to hear what they say although it may be in your best interest. You need to gauge. You want people in your life who possess integrity, are dependable and honest. Honor their 'self' - in how they take care of their self, i.e., saying "NO" when it suits them.
* A real friend will support you by suggestions, active reflective listening (not tell you what to do).
* If you cling - attach yourself to people, they will push back / go away. You might do this because you are lonely and need self-esteem boosting. Be mindful of your own behavior when interacting with someone new or someone you might want to befriend. A real friend will support you to be all you can be - on your own, not create a dependency relationship. A real friend will support you to learn to love yourself.

Gena / Touch Matters

Happy Birthday! To answer your question....no, I don't feel sad about people not remembering my birthday. My twin brother died in 2019, so that definitely put a damper on my enthusiasm for celebrating our/my birthday. The only birthdays that I care about are the birthdays of my children. Peace.

Make the best with what you have. Expand your activities and then maybe someone will tell you happy Birthday. Not having someone to tell you Happy Birthday is not the end of the world. Many people have problems that are far worse.

I live alone and been widowed for five years. This pandemic has done it for me. I retired at home. I had a job one day and three months later was given a choice of another position I wasn't qualified for at the time and retirement. I took the retirement which seemed to be the more feasible at the time. I completed a certification as a Home Health Aide. I got old before I knew it. I spent two years grieving the death of my husband. I got over that hurdle and got hit by this pandemic. Celebrating birthdays? Nah. This pandemic has been like a big run on paragraph with no punctuation. Everything keeps running together. Christmas wasn't bad. It was dull. I didn't put up a tree. This is the second year with no Christmas decorations. I did put on a nice tablecloth though. Three days after Christmas I googled up an old friend and found out he died in 2020. I found out he had been sick for a couple of years.

I have four cats and I take care of them. I have been job hunting and have given up on that and will probably apply for my benefits this month. I'm sorry that I don't have anything of substance or any magical words. I think for most, people are busy and are just trying to survive these last couple of years.

Happy Birthday! Make the best of your life!

Happy Birthday. Sorry you didn't have anybody to celebrate with.
We all like to think a birthday is more than just a statistic.
I think, for you, this birthday serves only to accentuate your present loneliness.

Celebrate by doing something you especially enjoy. And, if you feel like it, ask someone to join you (but don't make them feel embarrassed if they didn't know or remember your birthday). Congratulate yourself, if it was a tough year...you made it through! That's an accomplishment. Here's hoping the next year will give you more reason to rejoice.

P.S. I'm an introvert (for the sake of whoever mentioned that). You don't sound like YOU are...but there's nothing wrong with that. It usually means you think before you comment or commit yourself.










Treat yourself to something nice. Invite someone to enjoy it with you if you'd like (but don't make them feel guilty if they didn't know or forgot the birthday). Be thankful you've made it through another year...a lot of people didn't.

M209M209: A belated Happy Sixty Fifth Birthday to you! When I was living out of state in my late mother's home because she was adamant about not moving, she had suffered an ischemic stroke during the time of my birthday. My birthday went unnoticed (for the most part) except for a gift of a calendar which my brother gave me when he flew in and then left when our mother lay on her death bed.

I see this differently. I have NO family, no one - just a couple of friends far away. My birthday is December 21st and every single year as far back as I can recall I begged people to NOT do anything or say anything until January. Knowing I was getting older was terribly upsetting for me (I just turned 88) and begged them to say something or send a card in JANUARY - Let me be happy and at peace for Christmas. Not one single person ever did this for me and I do not understand. Through my job in animal welfare work for 51 years (and still at it big time), I have made friends all over the country - never met them but we are good friends. I get so many cards and gifts. I have learned to accept no one will listen to my pleas to wait until January so I am grateful that they think of me. However, being as old as I am, I would not mind being "IGNORED" so I am not forced to face my age. Consider it a blessing not to be made to know how old you are now.

Facebook . Make friends with people with common Interests such as gardening , photography , hiking , spirituality . Plenty of people will wish you happy birthday , Happy Thanksgiving , merry Christmas and happy new year .

Just curious if you have a Facebook set up to reach out to the family members who are far away? Maybe add a neighbor or two. If not, I'd consider it. Facebook will always tell "FB friends" when someone's birthday arrives, and you'd get some nice posts next year. It would brighten up your day & make you feel better. You don't have to be active on the site, really - to have it. I follow mostly local businesses and cute animal sites and rarely make comments on it.

We live kind of isolated in a new state & my Mom and I both have very quiet birthdays, but it's okay because we always make sure we have a nice treat to celebrate. A little cake or cupcakes.

I spent my 64th birthday with my mom at her NH a couple of weeks before she died.

From there on in, I have been determined to be away from home in some form for my birthday each year. Sometimes it's a big trip and sometimes it's just a routine "being out of town".

Make your birthday special for yourself each year.

There may be more than one reason that nobody "remembered" your birthday. One reason could be that everyone is so busy with their own lives that they didn't quite notice that your special day was coming up. Another reason could be that if YOU did not mention it or make plans about your birthday they may have assumed that you no longer want to be bothered by a birthday. Another reason could be that they were afraid that if they mentioned it that you would want them to make a big production of it.

I think you may be making the same mistake my mother did. She would never say exactly what she wanted, leaving it a guessing game for everyone else to try to figure out what would please her. Needless to say, she was disappointed more often than not. Do not hope that others will guess what you want. Say exactly what you would like. That gives you the best hope of getting it. Don't make others guess. I have one sister whose birthday is 15 days from mine. For the last 6 years we have taken each other out for a drink for our birthdays. Sometime before our birthdays one of us calls the other and we make arrangements. I buy her a drink and she buys me one. That makes us both happy. Some years I want a party and I plan it and invite people, giving enough notice that they can put it on their schedules. Other years I am tired and don't want the fuss and I let people know that I am not getting any older this year.

You might want to discuss with your therapist(s) what little thing you might do in the way of volunteer work to get you among a few people in a way that is not threatening. I do understand the pain of surviving childhood abuse. You never get "over" it but sometimes you can get around it. You need to find a way to move your only focus off of your own problems. At one point in my life I volunteered to do back-room filing for a school library. I had very little contact with people but it helped me feel useful and put me in a formal context where I met a few people who were always glad to see me. If this kind of thing is beyond you, join an online game where you can meet people virtually under a pseudonym. Games like Runescape allow you to make friends in a fantasy world where you control what you look like and what kinds of activities you do. It is about as non-threatening as it gets. I play with a group of people that includes adults from several countries. I also belong to several online gardening clubs where we share photos of our gardening triumphs and woes. This is another way you can get outside yourself and meet others in a very non-challenging way. The only way that you can get your focus off yourself and your woes is to put more focus on other people and their issues. However small these efforts might be, you do need to make that effort. Nobody else can do it for you. Good luck. I think that you can do this. You have managed to express yourself here, so I am sure that you can do it in other places online where others can respond to your ideas and become your online friends.

Happy 65th! Knowing I may not get a big recognition of my birthday I have a little fun by 'working it' myself: anybody I encounter out on errands, neighbors, etc., I'll say 'Wish me Happy Birthday!'...and very often the folks get a kick out of it along with me. If you'd like a 'shindig'...even 'cake and ice cream' there's nothing wrong with throwing yourself a bday party and inviting folks yourself...their presence is the 'Present/Gift'! I'm also a firm believer in celebrating bdays at least the week before and the week after; I know folks who revel in their birthdays the Entire Month. I also admire a tradition I read about years ago, not sure it's still in practice, in Japan: no birthdays are celebrated UNTIL a person turns 80! Then THAT milestone is highly venerated, a real 'accomplishment' and honors elders. Have fun on your terms; it's good you set reminders for your husband; send out flyers next year to others you want to acknowledge you...have fun with it (some may find that brag-y or self-centered, but if done in a playful manner could also uplift and maybe inspire others.)

I expect that no one will remember my birthday this month. My husband has dementia and barely knows what month it is and others have forgotten for years. I have made it a habit of advising anyone when my birthday is approaching as pathetic as that seems. I had a patient who always declared a “birthday month” for himself and did something special for himself every day of the month. Bought presents, went on a small trip and told anybody he met it was his birthday month. Cooked himself special meals, watched shows on TV he had been promising himself to watch. He did all this with good humor and other people enjoyed the idea. All that being said, introverts are lonely, afraid to be with people or have been so hurt by people it feels that it’s not worth the trouble. Think- in 65 years what have you done that makes you a good and worthwhile person, Then go out (if you can in this COVID SURGE) and do what others advised-volunteer or join. If that’s not possible make a list of what you’d like to do for your birthday month and do it.

M209, Happy 65th Birthday! Yes, this happens to me. I can reflect on many tortuous or forgotten birthdays that hurt. As I approached certain milestone birthdays, I always thought I'd do this or that wonderful thing/vacation/experience, but some caregiving crisis would always seem to happen, or everyone forgot, my husband would go hunting and of course forget my birthday with all his excited planning. Some years family members did remember with a nice dinner or other acknowledgement. But mostly, as their lives become busier and busier, and mine becomes quieter (and where I currently live I am sadly far away from everyone I know and love), a birthday celebration has evolved to a dinner out so I don't have to cook it myself, and daughters-in-law send nice gifts (a bottle of wine, etc). For my 65th birthday? I don't even recall it. My milestone birthday of 70 is approaching in a couple years, and I sure hope I can celebrate it in some special way, but, based on my whole life of birthday experiences, it will be ME that plans it because I doubt anyone else will even remember I'm turning 70. Maybe I'll go to Hawaii! I've never been there. Bless you M209. I hear the hurt that made you want to reach out to this forum. But recognize your own self-care that you gave yourself on your special day as being a positive affirmation that you are caring for your Self in a loving way! Peace.

Happy Birthday.

Can I make a suggestion? Do you have a Facebook account? Announce to all that it's your birthday and you'll get so many birthday wishes!!!

I put it on my calendar when my relative or close friends have their birthdays and I email a birthday wish to them (cc'ing others close to them) on their birthday. I know how special it must feel to get a birthday greeting/wish from family/friends.

Happy Birthday to You

Happy Belated Birthday! Sometimes you have to be your own best frienn. If you have no family or friends, how can you expect anyone to know its your birthday. You remembered your birthday. It is NOT pathetic to buy yourself flowers and to set a nice table. I do that as a gift to myself every year and i have family and friends. To get a friend, you must be a friend. Perhaps you know of someone who is also alone. They might want a friends as well. Reach out.

Since my husband, mom and dad died no one make a fuss over my birthday anymore. My youngest son usually gets me a gift. My older son says he’ll take me out for lunch but then forgets to. They both have young children and are very busy. My sister takes me to lunch and gets me a gift. Now I realize how over the top my husband used to be in giving me gifts and attention. I’ve learned to be content and not let it bug me. Life changes and I have to change with it. Now I get myself something I’ve been wanting and it’s actually fun because I know what I really want! Yes 65 is a milestone, but just be good to yourself and don’t worry if you aren’t getting a lot of attention from outside sources. We can create our own happiness and contentment that isn’t dependent on other people.

Here’s one to you:
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear M209
Happy Birthday to you!