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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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I only want to visit her one more time at least to say good bye and I love you mom. He will not allow it due to old grudges... do I have any way to get a visitation with my mom?
If your mom is in AL and not MC I don't know why you can't just show up there to visit her? Is there a restraining order? If not, don't tell him you're going and don't tell her either (so she doesn't tell him). Just show up. If your mother does not have a diagnosis of dementia in her medical records then he doesn't call her shots, she does. She can refuse to see you, and that's her choice. Good luck.
As Greaton777 said you should be able to visit your mom with the stated exceptions Greaton777 mentioned. So if you haven't been put on a list keeping you from visiting, you should go and visit mom.
Shortly before my father died my brother decided to move back to the area. He showed up at AL where mom was still living - it was late and he decided to spend the night but for some reason ended up sleeping on the floor of the all purpose room and caused a kerfuffle the next morning when someone on the staff happened upon him.
Now my brother at the best of times has mental health issues, however at this time he was even worse to the point he could have been helped by being an inpatient. Anyway, mom and I both told the staff he was not allowed in the facility after the front doors were locked. I also requested that if he came to visit that they check in and make sure everything was going fine. - As far as I know he's never been a threat anyone - just very irresponsible and mentally ill but wanted to be sure everything was still ok.
Your brother's POA does not give him the right to ban you unless you are a threat to Mom. If Mom is competent, he really has no rights unless POA is immediate. He is to carry out the wishes of the principle. Not use the POA as a punishment because of his feelings.
Your brother does not have a POA "over" Mom. He was assigned by Mom. If she is competent, she can revolk that assignment.
Apart from your brother, does she have visitors? Is it only you who is excluded, or is your brother keeping everyone away?
The reason I ask is that if nobody is able to visit her it begins to look like isolation, and APS might give you a sympathetic ear.
But you see: one person's "old grudge" might be another person's "constitutes a risk to mother's wellbeing." If your visiting would lead to conflict or disputes that could be distressing for your mother then your wanting to see her isn't a good enough reason.
It all boils down to deciding what is in mother's best interests, and at the moment your brother does get to decide that. If the difficulty is *only* between you and him, though, and you can visit your mother without his being present or involved, and your mother is in a fit state physically and mentally to cope with your visit, then you can ask for support in being allowed to visit her.
How sure are you about your brother's reasoning? I assume he hasn't said "you're not allowed to visit her because you really pissed me off ten years ago." So what reasons does he give? If he says she's too ill or too weak or would get upset, it might be better to accept what he says and see if you can think of something else to do for her.
Yes - just speak to the facility and arrange it. Unless you have a negative effect on your mother which he can show then he cannot decide who she sees. It sounds like you and your brother have some things to sort out between you, this is a ridiculous situation if it is a matter of old grudges - be adults and think of your mother not yourselves - both of you work together to find a way for a sensible way forward that doesn't penalise your mother.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Shortly before my father died my brother decided to move back to the area. He showed up at AL where mom was still living - it was late and he decided to spend the night but for some reason ended up sleeping on the floor of the all purpose room and caused a kerfuffle the next morning when someone on the staff happened upon him.
Now my brother at the best of times has mental health issues, however at this time he was even worse to the point he could have been helped by being an inpatient. Anyway, mom and I both told the staff he was not allowed in the facility after the front doors were locked. I also requested that if he came to visit that they check in and make sure everything was going fine. - As far as I know he's never been a threat anyone - just very irresponsible and mentally ill but wanted to be sure everything was still ok.
Your brother does not have a POA "over" Mom. He was assigned by Mom. If she is competent, she can revolk that assignment.
Apart from your brother, does she have visitors? Is it only you who is excluded, or is your brother keeping everyone away?
The reason I ask is that if nobody is able to visit her it begins to look like isolation, and APS might give you a sympathetic ear.
But you see: one person's "old grudge" might be another person's "constitutes a risk to mother's wellbeing." If your visiting would lead to conflict or disputes that could be distressing for your mother then your wanting to see her isn't a good enough reason.
It all boils down to deciding what is in mother's best interests, and at the moment your brother does get to decide that. If the difficulty is *only* between you and him, though, and you can visit your mother without his being present or involved, and your mother is in a fit state physically and mentally to cope with your visit, then you can ask for support in being allowed to visit her.
How sure are you about your brother's reasoning? I assume he hasn't said "you're not allowed to visit her because you really pissed me off ten years ago." So what reasons does he give? If he says she's too ill or too weak or would get upset, it might be better to accept what he says and see if you can think of something else to do for her.