At 82 he was hospitalized for overdose of medication. Addicted. Causing a bleeding ulcer. I gave the doctor a list of un-normal behavior my dad does. They tested him and told me he passed and it is not dementia. So he returned home. I know he was always nasty/evil but I thought why not test him. After a recent fall, he's back in the hospital and now they're telling me he is no longer fit to come home. He has dementia especially after what I had told them. Why do I feel guilty like as if I incriminated him? I know he was always nasty/evil ever since I know him and yes he has gotten worse and intolerable with age. He now is more addicted, blames every one, steals, aggressive, he had this but it has become more and more intense. Still I wonder if giving a list of bad behavior's was right, when in reality every one knows it's his bad character and maybe I'm just fed up. Help
Dementia is a medical diagnosis. It is not a criminal offense. Discovering that someone has dementia is not "incriminating" them. If you told the medical staff about a loved one's behaviors and it turns out she has diabetes, would you feel guilty?
Knowing that someone who is addicted to drugs also has dementia helps determine a realistic approach for his treatment. In this case the professionals have determined that your dad cannot improve at home and (probably) that he is a risk to himself or others. That has nothing to do with his bad character or your role in this. Objectively it is not responsible of them to send him home. They must uphold the standards of their profession.
Accept the diagnosis. Accept that it isn't your fault. And move on.
Where will Dad be going? Do you want to have continuing contact with him?
It is extremely frustrating, I agree, when one's parent uses analgesics irresponsibly and ends up in hospital; and all the more so as I can testify when that parent has lied through (her) teeth about symptoms for over a week. Grrr. But I should be over that episode by now.
On the other hand I don't think you're in any sense "over" the experiences your father has put you through, Catherine, are you?
So I look at your question, is this dementia or just an appalling individual being himself, and wonder what sort of response you're expecting that might help.
It is, of course, quite possible for not terribly lovable people to develop dementia. And, if they do, aren't they entitled to the same quality of care and support as any other sufferer?
The information you provided to your father's medical team was important to making sure he will get the kind of support he needs. Like Jeanne, I can't see how doing that could be grounds for guilt on your part.
So you've got the ball rolling, which was the right thing to do. If I may say so, your obvious anger towards your father probably makes it best if you now draw a line and step back from direct involvement in his care.
Is your mother still living? Are you anxious about other family members and the impact your father might still have on them?
Let us know how you're getting on. We care!