Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Got any options? If there are problems they will only get worse.... I know, we lasted 3 yrs with my mom, then she had to move out. Thank the Lord, my husband and I had prayed together and drawn closer to each other during this time, presenting a united front when we had to. If she can live in an IL, AL or NH nearby, the stress on you two will be reduced a great deal.... Having someone needy, demanding, micromanaging, angry, or anything like these around 24/7 is too much for almost everyone!
Hi Mally. Was interested in the states you chose. IL, AL, NH? I live in UT and am overwhelmed in 24-7-365 caregiving for my mom. All care centers here (in my town) are wanting $5800/mo as she requires more care than AL can meet. Medicaid is denying her every month as she owns a home. They are requesting a 5 year look back on property and bank accounts etc. Even life insurance! They want me to cash it out! Then what to do when it gets time to properly bury her! It is absurd that the poor, (in our state meaning welfare recipients) get all the care they deserve; the rich can pay their own way so they get all the care they deserve; but the middle class do not! Just wondering if the states you mentioned are kinder to the middle class?
Infinity, Its not states its IL (independent living), AL (assisted living), NH (nursing home).
Medicaid allows you to have a home, they don't allow you to keep it up. So if a family member can't pay to keep it up, it needs to be sold at Market Value. So their denile isn't based on having a house. Have you given them the info they require? Five years of bank statements, all info on stocks, bonds and insurance? You can liquidate everything and prepay her funeral out of the money. The rest goes to her care. Once you have spent down to 2k, Medicaid will take over. The NH will take her SS and pension and Medicaid will pay the rest.
If she has a house, sell it and use the money for an AL or NH.
Kathy1234, how long has Mom-in-law been living with you? Why does she need caregiving help? Hopefully your hubby is pulling his fair share of helping out.
Usually what happens when a parent moves into a grown child's home, or you move in with that parent, is the the adult/child dynamic will start. The parent once again feels they are the adult in the household, and you and your husband are still the children. There isn't much you can do regarding this, it's just human nature.
And I bet your Mom-in-law sees you are competition for your hubby's attention. Correct? She wants her son all to herself.
Could Mom-in-law budget to live in Independent Living? My Dad had moved to such a place and he loved it there. It actually gave him more freedom as if he wanted to read all day, he could. And he loved the meals that were served in a restaurant styled dining room.
The cost was around $5k per month, which can vary depending on where you live. What was best, Dad was around people closer to his own generation :)
Or do you live close to an adult-day care center? It's a place to go to see movies, play cards, easy dance exercise, computer classes, and lunch. Some places charge a daily rate, other places could be paid by the County.
Infinity, I believe Mally meant Independent living (IL), Assisted living (AL) or nursing home (NH) rather than other states.
If you want your mother-in-law in a facility, you will need to sell her property. You can use some of it for a prepaid burial... That passes the 5 year look back I believe.
We cared for my mom 24/7 for over 5 years... before that we did most daytime hours. I don't know what I would have some without my husband's support, love and help through that time. We shared in her care.
You do not say what the issues are, but maybe you can share more and we can give you ideas that may help as you cope. You will need some time out. Are their other family members that can help? What kinds of things do you enjoy doing? Rather than dwelling on what isn't working, look for ways you can make this new phase in life work.
If you are doing it alone, you can't continue that way for long. Nothing angers me more than the notion that caregiving is women's work! If you have a helpful spouse/partner, that is good; if not PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN and find some kind of help. (Sounds simplistic, but true: I've been there.)
Make your husband step up and if he doesn’t then hire someone and use his money. You can help in the areas where you are gifted- maybe laundry and cooking and cleaning. Leave the other stuff to someone with the gift of caregiving.
You’re getting a lot of good advice from others, the only thing I wanted to add is that This is nobody’s specialty. There are a few angels on earth, but the majority of us simply have to face the fact and there is a major reality shift that has to occur in our minds when this occurs in your life. And you absolutely need support. Mental and emotional and physical. And maintaining a semblance of your own life. It is a balancing act. It can be done but you need to have these elements to help you do it.
what kind of problems? When I was a child my maternal grandmother lived with us for nine months after her husband died. To his credit, my father never complained but I could see the strain it placed on their marriage. Are you sure it's worth the sacrifice??
You need to agree, if she is on medicare you can get a 24/7 aid but then deal with aid in house, a very hard adjustment. Now stranger living in you house, privacy and company are key but seriously I did care for Two years myself, physical injury so couldn't do it. I gave up my bedroom, my privacy in my house. I have PTSD so this was very hard for me, still I know great aid for Mom but still lock bathroom door when showering. Not about her she is great with mom. But I home is not mine anymore. So you have to consider privacy issues because it is a compromise.
Hi Infinity, I read your post & wanted to share a helpful & hopeful comment. I live in Ohio & recently just got approval on a state funded program for LTC (Long Term Care) for my mother even though her retirement income is greater than the threshold. It is a bridged Medicare & Medicaid program. One of the requirements was to sign over her life insurance (Whole Life Policy that had built up a good size cash value) or.... prepay her funeral expenses. I chose to prepay her final expenses. Also, getting back to the part where her income was higher than the threshold, we were simply able to pay the difference for each month that she needs services. For the monthly payment, each month, I get 5 hours of daily home assistance-aide for her needs at home whether it be cleaning, showering her, cooking, laundry, pharmacy runs or grocery shopping for her food. I get meals delivered to her 5 days a week & frozen supplemental meals biweekly. And of huge significance, I can get skilled nursing care for her in a nursing home so I can get a much needed & overdue surgery & recuperate. Her final expenses are now met which allows me to go & preplan her funeral and give her a wonderful & dignified laid to rest service! Although difficult, as I love my Mother with my whole heart, preplanning is easier now than when I’m overcome with sadness of her parting. I emcourage you to reach out to your state’s agency on aging for assistance. Hope this helps!
Did she have home? You could have purchased property, then on Medicaid, then in house aid could have happened. Not sure but connection with What org you can use. Agency on Aging, see what your state offers.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Medicaid allows you to have a home, they don't allow you to keep it up. So if a family member can't pay to keep it up, it needs to be sold at Market Value. So their denile isn't based on having a house. Have you given them the info they require? Five years of bank statements, all info on stocks, bonds and insurance? You can liquidate everything and prepay her funeral out of the money. The rest goes to her care. Once you have spent down to 2k, Medicaid will take over. The NH will take her SS and pension and Medicaid will pay the rest.
If she has a house, sell it and use the money for an AL or NH.
Usually what happens when a parent moves into a grown child's home, or you move in with that parent, is the the adult/child dynamic will start. The parent once again feels they are the adult in the household, and you and your husband are still the children. There isn't much you can do regarding this, it's just human nature.
And I bet your Mom-in-law sees you are competition for your hubby's attention. Correct? She wants her son all to herself.
Could Mom-in-law budget to live in Independent Living? My Dad had moved to such a place and he loved it there. It actually gave him more freedom as if he wanted to read all day, he could. And he loved the meals that were served in a restaurant styled dining room.
The cost was around $5k per month, which can vary depending on where you live. What was best, Dad was around people closer to his own generation :)
Or do you live close to an adult-day care center? It's a place to go to see movies, play cards, easy dance exercise, computer classes, and lunch. Some places charge a daily rate, other places could be paid by the County.
If you want your mother-in-law in a facility, you will need to sell her property. You can use some of it for a prepaid burial... That passes the 5 year look back I believe.
We cared for my mom 24/7 for over 5 years... before that we did most daytime hours. I don't know what I would have some without my husband's support, love and help through that time. We shared in her care.
You do not say what the issues are, but maybe you can share more and we can give you ideas that may help as you cope. You will need some time out. Are their other family members that can help? What kinds of things do you enjoy doing? Rather than dwelling on what isn't working, look for ways you can make this new phase in life work.
I read your post & wanted to share a helpful & hopeful comment. I live in Ohio & recently just got approval on a state funded program for LTC (Long Term Care) for my mother even though her retirement income is greater than the threshold. It is a bridged Medicare & Medicaid program. One of the requirements was to sign over her life insurance (Whole Life Policy that had built up a good size cash value)
or.... prepay her funeral expenses.
I chose to prepay her final expenses.
Also, getting back to the part where her income was higher than the threshold, we were simply able to pay the difference for each month that she needs services.
For the monthly payment, each month, I get 5 hours of daily home assistance-aide for her needs at home whether it be cleaning, showering her, cooking, laundry, pharmacy runs or grocery shopping for her food. I get meals delivered to her 5 days a week & frozen supplemental meals biweekly.
And of huge significance, I can get skilled nursing care for her in a nursing home so I can get a much needed & overdue surgery & recuperate.
Her final expenses are now met which allows me to go & preplan her funeral and give her a wonderful & dignified laid to rest service!
Although difficult, as I love my Mother with my whole heart, preplanning is easier now than when I’m overcome with sadness of her parting.
I emcourage you to reach out to your state’s agency on aging for assistance.
Hope this helps!