He keeps the spaces he doesn’t use fairly clean... BUT, boats, cars, trucks, food (COSTCO)... He lives alone. If he can’t FIND something he HAS, he just buys another... How do I approach this issue when he “Feels” the items are “worth” something even if he doesn’t use them or they go BAD, (food)...
My mother is also a little hoarder, but luckily(?) she can no longer drive, so she is hampered a little by not being able to leave the house alone, to shop. She 'online orders' crap from every catalog that comes. She gets 4-5 packages per week. Her little apartment is stuffed to the gills and she has a basement full of more stuff, which she only let me put in bins, to store, when my one and only attempt to "organize" her went south.
My advice? Don't do a thing. Just like any other mental disorder, unless the person WANTS to change, they won't.
To a true hoarder--a can of soup has the same "emotional value" as a Ming Vase. They can't differentiate between what is "nice and needful" and what is, well, "crap".
You can ASK him if he wants help sorting, and of he does, good for you. I would not hold my breath. All you can do is make sure he has a safe exit from his home. And that heaters and such are not blocked. Just basic safety.
BTW, Mother owns over 100 shite blouses/shirts. She is basically housebound now. Still buying more.
Mother has some dementia, but this hoarding is as old as I am. Her home of 5,000 sf was emptied over the course of 3 years and she has effectively hoarded herself in her 800 sf apartment, over the years.
What's "claustrophobic" to you or I, is "hugging" to a hoarder. We've cleaned and cleaned and she just blows up at us. Not worth it.
There's hoarding and then there's hoarding though. I've noticed it's quite common for the elderly to hoard paper. There's paper squirreled away everywhere. If he's holding on to a used napkin that he got a restaurant 10 years ago that's one thing. If he's holding on to a pristine Apple I computer, that's investing.
I often buy something I know I already have. Why? Because it would take me longer to find the one I already have then it would be to buy another one.
I estimate there is 3-4 dump trucks worth of junk to get rid of on the property.
I admit that I have hoarding tendencies, but I do not have the emotional attachment to stuff. I have a fellow helping me clear out stuff and it is great to see my home looking like a home again. Regular garbage and recycling is not a problem, it is the stuff that has to go to a special location for disposal. I used to have an agency that would pick up stuff for the thrift shop, but they did not show up three times in a row, then blamed me for not leaving the items for pick up. Yeah right, I am not supporting that charity again.
I have an arrangement with the fellow who is helping me. If there is something he can sell that I do not need, he is welcome to sell it and keep the cash. If I planned to have a garage sale to make some money off the things, it will wind up in the garage for a few more years. Out the door is better for me.
In light of this, I'd consult with a professional about it. That way you can get some guidance and tips. Honestly, I'm not sure that I would be up for it. It's a huge deal to get a hoarder to change. I might try to make sure things remain safe and contend with the bulk of the problem, when the hoarder is no longer able to maintain the household.
8 years later when were rescued her the level was about 4-5' from the floor, in the low spots. She had the worst hoard our hoard cleanup specialist had seen, even though some was cleared 8 years previous.
Hoarding is very much like an addiction and the person is not likely to change even after hitting rock bottom. Wait for a crisis. There is a Children of Hoarders site you might visit.
Many of our older loved ones were raised in the Depression or just after so they were taught that even a broken item still has use then during WWII there was rationing - if possible find out how his parents thought about keeping things because it could be rooted in his up-bringing as a child & that will be hard to change -
The only thing is to insist on safety so that used cans, kleenexes, food waste etc are discarded otherwise you may be beating your head against a wall
There may be a crossover when a "Hoarder" is diagnosed with Dementia I am sure that makes things far worse.
My Husband was ALWAYS one to save things and repair what broke with parts from another of whatever it was. (Bought an old car with a good engine so he could replace the engine in his car then saved the old car for parts to be used later)
There did come a time when he came home with some stuff that I really questioned but he came up with a great reason and followed through. At the time I wondered if something was going on but since he did what he said and followed through I put it out of my mind.
After his diagnosis going through the house I did wonder what he had been doing. A lot of purchases had been made without my knowledge and I wondered how long it had been going on.
So there is a fine line.
In your case you might want to contact his doctor and explain what is going on. Ask that a mini mental exam be given on his next visit as a "routine" part of the exam. Then take it a step further if you want and ask for him to be referred to a Neurologist for further assessment. (Do not take .."He's fine some memory loss is typical at his age" from his doctor)
Make it a habit once a week to see him and go through the pantry, garage and even some of the cars or boats for food that he has stored. Tell him..ya know Dad, I need some pancake mix do you mind if I take this 20 pound bag of yours? Then do what you want with it. If it is within date donate it to a shelter, food pantry or church. Do that with items that have a shorter shelf life. Toss out what can not be used. (Shelters, food pantry and other places will probably not take out dated items.)
No to another question..how is his driving? Should he be driving? If he is not driving maybe you could cancel his Costco membership. He can go with someone but at least his purchasing might be reduced. (If he has membership for use of the pharmacy I am pretty sure that even non members have the ability to use the pharmacy. I am in Illinois and any non member can enter a warehouse club and purchase from the pharmacy.)
Recycling and hoarding are not at all the same thing.
Bad food? Dump it. You can point out mold and even ask him to smell something if he still has his sense of smell.
ie: I have a tiny $1 Nativity I keep on my windowsill and a plastic angel nightlight - both were purchased by my mother who is now long gone but these are daily reminders of my mother.
Good luck
Focus on your own mental health, not theirs. Because it is difficult as h*ll to Keep On Caregiving after the person who taught you how to tie your shoes and celebrated your good grades (etc etc) makes it clear that he/she values towers of junk mail & 10-year-old catalogs and rooms full of clothes more than he/she values you. It sucks and it hurts.
Grit your teeth and turn a blind eye now. Rent a dumpster when Dad moves to residential care or moves on to the afterlife.
So my thought is, I totally agree with the others in not trying to "change" the behaviour. Rather, if the hoarding is very bad, (like there's no room to move in the house ), keep spending quality time with your father listening, try to see any underlying unhappy memory/thought. (Not saying you have to be there daily, just when you do spend time with him next) it'll take some time of course.
My father grew up in a poor family in a third world country until he was 14yrs old, then he went to China on his own which wasn't first world conditions either. So while he likes to hoard a little (not food fortunately), I see that as his thinking he "might need that later", which relates to the deep lack of things he had when he was younger. So yes, each person is different.
And they do have that right to hold onto their things that brings them good memories ;) or...bring them peace of mind on other case... (even if the house is messy!)
Good luck.