Hi, how are you guys holding up? I hope you are well. Ok, I take care of my 91 year old Grandmother. Even with the dementia, she is generally an absolute joy to be around. She's hilarious. We spend our days laughing and watching TV. Even though I answer the same questions everyday, it's generally a joy. That being said, she refuses to eat all of her food. As a result, she has lost more than twenty five lbs in two years. It makes me look very bad. Not that I really care about my image. I care about her!! What do I do? The doctor said it's fine but I'm so worried. Her pants are falling off of her. Her clothes from twenty years ago fit her again. I'm so lost. Thanks, everyone.
First make sure there isn't a physical reason she isn't eating - tooth or mouth problems, digestive problems and/or constipation, or difficulties swallowing (dysphagia).
If there are no treatable problems then try to maximize the calories she does accept by basically doing the opposite of every diet you've ever heard of - here are a couple of articles that you might find helpful
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/high-calorie-foods-for-seniors-168493.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/pro-tips-sneaking-calories-nutrients-into-a-seniors-diet-208396.htm
Also some find it's helpful to have many snacks available rather than concentrating on 3 bigger meals a day. Supplements like boost/ensure were made for this.
25 pounds in 2 years is not excessive though. 25 pounds in 2 months, that would be cause for concern.
She probably is not as active as she had been in the past so her nutrition needs are not as high.
Do not force her to eat.
You can offer more caloric dense food choices. Supplement with Protein drinks if you think she needs it.
As she declines she will eat less and less and sleep more and more. These are all signs of decline.
Just for support you might want to contact Hospice and see if she qualifies. They will help with Supplies and Equipment that you will need to make caring for her easier and safer for both of you. (forget about 6 months or fewer, my Husband was on Hospice for almost 3 years, diagnosis dementia. It was because of Hospice that I was able to care for him and that he did so well for as long as he did.)
PS..please resist the urge to have a feeding tube placed.
Follow excellent advice from first 2 posts.
Cut yourself some slack. As long as she is capable of eating and willing to continue to eat and drink, I think you should stop worrying so much about it. It is part of the aging process.
Though you love caring for her, your profile indicates that you could benefit from some time to yourself. EVERYONE needs a break from caregiving. 24/7 is just too much for anyone. Get yourself some time to do something for yourself. Get out for a long walk. Visit friends or family.
Regarding your rich family that does not help, please try not to waste much energy being upset with them (if you are). This is so common, unfortunately. Many people have no interest in caregiving and we really have to respect that. If we are resentful about it, it can ruin our relationships. And shows that we need to change something if we're feeling badly about it.