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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Do you and your husband actually want to move? Would you be happy to uproot yourselves and deal with the more challenging winters and other changes, including possibly a higher cost of living?
I moved my parents from FL to Colo to be close to me in 2011 after dad couldn't drive anymore. I found them an Independent Senior Living apartment to rent for a few yrs until they required Assisted Living. Then mom eventually needed Memory Care Assisted Living for 3 yrs until she died in 2022. I recommend you rent a senior apartment in Independent Senior Living, preferably with the option to move into Assisted Living if or when the need arises. Trying to sell a home you own is difficult, stressful and ties up your cash during a time you should be flexible and ready for change due to potential health issues arising.
I knew a couple who moved hundreds of miles to be closer to their sons because the sons said, "You should move closer to us." Sons did not help the parents more after the move. Parents might have been happier staying in their long-time community.
I live in NJ and it has the highest property taxes in the nation and car insurance. Rents, I live in the SW, are high. North Jersey is more expensive than south.
My Aunt and Uncle, no children and he invested well, live in a beautiful Senior community in Fla. They have a cottage but there is Assisted Living there and LTC. You may want to look for something like that.
I have seen seniors I know move away to live near children and pass not long after. One man had lost his wife and moved south to be with his son. He came back to get his house ready for sale and told me he was so lonely down there. He had lived where the neighbors had helped each other. Their kids grew up together and they all went to the same Church. He was in his late 80s and passed 2 yrs later.
You really have to weigh the pros and cons. Make a list. When I am 85 my girls will be 50 and 58. Both have good jobs that I would not expect them to leave. No way are they going to be able to care for me. I already plan on a nice AL.
I agree with Grandma1954, "Why do they want you to pick up your lives and move closer to them? Do you need help? If so are they going to help? (don't count on it!!)" This is the best statement! Family will always say they want their elder to move closer to them, but when they need assistance, they will soon forget about them. My brother moved out of state and wanted my dad to move close to him. He told me he would love dad near him. My dad moved out of state to be closer to my brother. A year or so later, my brother and his wife picked up and moved further away from my dad. My dad was lonely out there. I would visit when I could and he made a few friends, but he hardly saw my brother who asked him to move near him. My aunt also moved out of state to be closer to my cousins who begged her to come down. She did. One got married and started a family and soon could not be bothered with my aunt. Aunt has dementia and is immobile with incontinence. Do you think cousins want to deal with this? No, way. What was the solution? Call me from out of state and hope to have me deal with it, as they just cannot be bothered. If you ask me, I would stay right where I am. People will tell you anything and once you're there, they're gone. My mother, may she rest in peace would always tell me that it doesn't pay to follow people because they will soon forget about you, get tired of you and move on with their lives. She always told me to make your own path. It sounds like you two have done that.
the big question is... Why do they want you to pick up your lives and move closer to them? Do you need help? If so are they going to help? (don't count on it!!) Are they afraid that if something happens they are the ones that are going to have to lose time from work and get on a plane and fly down to do whatever they have to do? I can tell you that if they are needed in an emergency most communications can be done over the phone until they get there and if they do get there what are they going to do, what can they do? Not much really. Although it is comforting to have family near in a crisis...if they are ones that are level headed.
What they might feel better about is if you were in an Assisted Living community where you are now. That way you have help if you need it or want it. You have people around you for socialization, there are activities, meals each day, the ability to take trips if they have them, they provide transportation to stores, medical appointments. Many communities have other levels of care if you ever need that. Also have all your paperwork done so that someone is appointed POA for Health, Finances. Have your Health Care wishes out lined and make sure that your POA for Health is fully aware of your wishes and they agree with them. Do not appoint someone that will have a problem with any of your wishes. (If your son "Joe" has a soft heart and wants to do everything to keep you alive he would be the wrong person to chose if your wishes are no extra measures are to be done)
Do you need to be closer to them ? Can you hire help in your own Home ? New Jersey winters are cold . Will they really help you when you get there ? They Might be felling guilty and Just saying that . Think twice before you uproot your self from your own Home . Hiring caregivers to come in Maybe More helpful or find an assisted Living area in your Location . Flights from NJ to Florida are cheap .
I can understand your children wanting you to be closer. My dad was in his 80's and very active so I would of been devastated if, especially later in life he wasn't around. He would mention moving to Florida but he bought into a 55+ community in the NJ shore area which they are not that expensive, the have low taxes, and many of them offer additional in house care in the event someone needs it. I'm in real estate, I looked at this options in Florida, and outside of the year-round sunny days, I don't think there was a financial benefit if he would of moved.
How about you just visit for a week or so and see if it agrees with you? Visit the area that will suit you financially. You don't buy a car without giving it a test drive, right? I'd be scared of the crime rates in overpopulated areas. What good is being closer if its not safe for you? Times have changed so much! Another thing is, are you set to be buried in Florida? I don't mean to get personal, just a thought as it should be considered if you should move. Funeral and moving expenses are awfully high and you wouldn't want your children to have any financial problems. If you decide to move, please sell your home don't rent it out. You could get squatters that could ruin all the equity you worked so hard for. Make this your decision and what's best for you! Don't let yourself be manipulated into moving if that's not what you want. Say no, I'm comfortable here. I dread the thought of having to go through everything I own to move and I live in a small apartment. Maybe because it was so difficult to clean out mom's house by myself and I'm in my mid 60's. You know the old saying, "it's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there." Try visiting first.
I like Julia's suggestion of visiting for a week or two before making any decisions. Don't stay with your sons, book an airbnb condo in the place you're considering moving to. Go in the winter. Experience the traffic and the weather and see how much time your sons have to spend with you between their jobs, families needs, and any other commitments.
Not saying that to necessarily be negative. You might find the weather to be a refreshing change and the traffic manageable and love the time with your family, and decide to make the move. Just give it a realistic evaluation by experiencing it first, rather than just imagining what it will be like.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My Aunt and Uncle, no children and he invested well, live in a beautiful Senior community in Fla. They have a cottage but there is Assisted Living there and LTC. You may want to look for something like that.
I have seen seniors I know move away to live near children and pass not long after. One man had lost his wife and moved south to be with his son. He came back to get his house ready for sale and told me he was so lonely down there. He had lived where the neighbors had helped each other. Their kids grew up together and they all went to the same Church. He was in his late 80s and passed 2 yrs later.
You really have to weigh the pros and cons. Make a list.
When I am 85 my girls will be 50 and 58. Both have good jobs that I would not expect them to leave. No way are they going to be able to care for me. I already plan on a nice AL.
Do you need help?
If so are they going to help? (don't count on it!!)"
This is the best statement! Family will always say they want their elder to move closer to them, but when they need assistance, they will soon forget about them.
My brother moved out of state and wanted my dad to move close to him. He told me he would love dad near him. My dad moved out of state to be closer to my brother. A year or so later, my brother and his wife picked up and moved further away from my dad. My dad was lonely out there. I would visit when I could and he made a few friends, but he hardly saw my brother who asked him to move near him.
My aunt also moved out of state to be closer to my cousins who begged her to come down. She did. One got married and started a family and soon could not be bothered with my aunt. Aunt has dementia and is immobile with incontinence. Do you think cousins want to deal with this? No, way. What was the solution? Call me from out of state and hope to have me deal with it, as they just cannot be bothered.
If you ask me, I would stay right where I am. People will tell you anything and once you're there, they're gone. My mother, may she rest in peace would always tell me that it doesn't pay to follow people because they will soon forget about you, get tired of you and move on with their lives. She always told me to make your own path. It sounds like you two have done that.
Why do they want you to pick up your lives and move closer to them?
Do you need help?
If so are they going to help? (don't count on it!!)
Are they afraid that if something happens they are the ones that are going to have to lose time from work and get on a plane and fly down to do whatever they have to do?
I can tell you that if they are needed in an emergency most communications can be done over the phone until they get there and if they do get there what are they going to do, what can they do? Not much really. Although it is comforting to have family near in a crisis...if they are ones that are level headed.
What they might feel better about is if you were in an Assisted Living community where you are now.
That way you have help if you need it or want it.
You have people around you for socialization, there are activities, meals each day, the ability to take trips if they have them, they provide transportation to stores, medical appointments. Many communities have other levels of care if you ever need that.
Also have all your paperwork done so that someone is appointed POA for Health, Finances. Have your Health Care wishes out lined and make sure that your POA for Health is fully aware of your wishes and they agree with them.
Do not appoint someone that will have a problem with any of your wishes. (If your son "Joe" has a soft heart and wants to do everything to keep you alive he would be the wrong person to chose if your wishes are no extra measures are to be done)
Funeral and moving expenses are awfully high and you wouldn't want your children to have any financial problems. If you decide to move, please sell your home don't rent it out. You could get squatters that could ruin all the equity you worked so hard for. Make this your decision and what's best for you! Don't let yourself be manipulated into moving if that's not what you want. Say no, I'm comfortable here.
I dread the thought of having to go through everything I own to move and I live in a small apartment. Maybe because it was so difficult to clean out mom's house by myself and I'm in my mid 60's.
You know the old saying, "it's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there." Try visiting first.
Not saying that to necessarily be negative. You might find the weather to be a refreshing change and the traffic manageable and love the time with your family, and decide to make the move. Just give it a realistic evaluation by experiencing it first, rather than just imagining what it will be like.
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