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He’s a widow; his wife has been deceased for the last 10 years. The home that him and his first wife got together is not paid for yet. Because we’re married and I’m helping him pay the mortgage, am I entitled to any of that? And by being his new wife am I automatically his power of attorney or do we need to get that in writing? Thx

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Get your wills and POA's re-written asap to protect you and your daughter. That is my main advice to you. I am not in your position but I did marry an older man and I retired early to spend time with him in his retirement. Be SURE he adequately provides for you and your child should anything happen to him. I wish you luck!
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Rachel, are you financially independent?

If you are not named on the deed to the house, you have no "right" to it, despite making mortgage payments.

Marriages often founder because of differing assumptions about money and spending and because of different levels of financial knowledge and independence.

Consider educating yourself about finances (any book by Jane Bryant Quinn will do) or go to www.bogleheads.org.
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Dear Rachel, you are 34 years younger than your new husband aged 65. It’s good to look at reality. I’m sure you love him, and find him very attractive. Many men of that age really are very attractive (and particular to younger students). They are well established, you have so much respect for them, and there are great things that you can do together.

The simple fact is that when you are 65, like he is now, he will be 97 and very old indeed. When you are 55 and looking forward to an enjoyable retirement, he will be 87 and it’s a different deal. Add into that, your 2 year old daughter, plus any children he already has, and it becomes really complicated.

I hope that you have a rewarding marriage, and that nothing stops that from happening. I think that it would help if you see a counselor (and this is not something I usually favour) to help you think through the coming years. You want to maintain a happy marriage, but also to make yourself happy as an individual. You can't be happy if you don't think it through long term. Love doesn't conquer all.
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GardenArtist Mar 2021
Margaret, you've shared some very practical insights.
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No, because you pay the Mortgage does not make you an owner. You must be placed on the deed. No, ur not automatically his POA. He needs to assign you. And if he has kids, it needs to be you not one of them. Lots of posts on this forum where the children of a former marriage have POA and literally leave the second wife out in the cold when the husband needs care.

You need to protect yourself and your child. Both you and husband should see a lawyer about how you can be protected.
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You are only "entitled" to it if and when he puts your name on the title/deed to the property.
You are not automatically POA although you are his wife so many decisions you make will be respected UNLESS he has advance directives that contradict instructions you make.
You really should see a lawyer. An Elder Care Attorney would be nice but not necessary.

(I was married to my Husband for over 32 years, I paid all the bills, the taxes and when the house had to be sold I was not able to use the $$ to pay down the mortgage on the house I bought (bought a handicap accessible house to care for him) I had to "charge him rent" and other items he "paid for" and I could deduct the money from his account. All because my name was not hon the title to the house. (It had been in his family for over 80 years., no mortgage) By the time all this happened he had dementia and was not competent I was made his Guardian. Would not wish that process on anyone!)
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BarbBrooklyn wrote (and others also addressed the issue of ownership):

"If you are not named on the deed to the house, you have no 'right' to it, despite making mortgage payments. "

Others have also asked whether he has children by someone else.

I don't wish to be an alarmist, but I think you should consider some issues if he does have other children already.

1.    Unless a new deed is executed by which he deeds title to you and himself, so that you're joint owners with rights of survivorship, you won't have any rights in the home (unless you live in a community property state, but I'm not familiar enough with those issues to offer an informed opinion.)

What if he becomes ill, has a stroke or becomes incapacitated?   If there are other children, they may want to move into his house, or take it over, and may advise you and your child to move out.    That would be quite a drastic and unpleasant situation.

2.   Being "POA" doesn't give you the right to make medical decisions.  For that you need a separate document, either a Living Will, or a Medical POA.    (Has he executed any documents to this effect?)  Again, if he becomes ill or incapacitated, and you have no legal authority, you may end up in a standoff with any existing children over health care decision making.

3. Others have advised seeing an attorney.  I concur, but I would also see one for you and your child, to ensure that you know what your existing and future rights are.
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Wishing you both good health. In 11 years, which will go by fast, you will be raising a teenager and taking care of an 76 y.o. man who hopefully still is healthy and active.

To answer your question, when it comes to real estate, the rule is if it's not in writing, it doesn't exist. So, if your name is not on the title of the house, you are not the owner.

Being married doesn't mean you're his POA automatically. He or you can choose anyone or no one to be your POA. It's good to get that on paper as well.
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Grandma1954 Mar 2021
With the majority of things, not just real estate...if it not in writing it does not exist
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No prenups? Uh oh,
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gladimhere Mar 2021
And Medicaid does not consider prenups. What is OP's is half his. What is his is half hers in the eyes of MedicAid. The time for a legal consult was BEFORE they married.
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Your local library probably has some good resources on financial and legal topics that will help you ask educated questions when you get to the lawyer to update the paperwork.

Anyone who has a child or gets married should review their POA paperwork and estate planning, including beneficiary designations. So don't forget to get your paperwork done too. At the very least, both of you need wills designating guardianship of your daughter if neither of you could care for her. Doing yours too may make it easier to discuss with your husband.

Note that SS has its own paperwork so they won't want to take the POA even if you have one.

On a related topic:
There are a number of child and family benefits for those drawing on Social Security, which may need to be balanced against possible survivor benefits as part of his estate planning. So if he hasn't claimed already, it could be a good idea to have an expert run through the options with you both so he can make the best filing decision for the family. If he claimed before your daughter was born, you'd want to make sure the record was updated, so child and family benefits are added.
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Rachael90, here is something not many people think about until they need it... health insurance.

Since your hubby is 65, he probably is either on Medicare or coming close to being on Medicare. Medicare will become his health insurance and only for him. Make sure you and your daughter have some type of health insurance, either through employment if you are working, or through some health insurance program.
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