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Sally, prayers are still for you and your family. These next weeks are going to be a whirlwind of activity regarding your husband's passing. When things slow down, that's when the adjustment truly starts, as your daily routine has been has been upended. Please remember that it's okay to allow yourself to grieve not only for your husband, but as you figure out what your daily plans will look like now. Remember to reach out to family and friends as you get involved in new activities, or activities you enjoyed but had to put on hold. There is light after the loss of a loved one. Just take one step at a time, one day at a time to reach it.
Short answer - YES! Do not curtail your life from enjoying moments with the rest of the family. Those moments create memories that you will cherish. Missing this event will probably create disappointment that might become regret and bitterness. Better to never let those into your life.
Of course, make sure your husband is well cared for in your absence. You might want to teleconference with him daily in an effort to help him be part of the festivities.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Sally. It's good that you are sharing precious moments with your family, even in the midst of grief. Life goes on, and your granddaughter has achieved a wonderful milestone that's deserving of being celebrated.
It probably hasn't fully hit you yet - the relief that suffering has ended is likely to be paramount. Be gentle with yourself and take each day as it comes.
I'm sure it is bittersweet to be celebrating your granddaughter's graduation without your husband by your side, missing him and yet not having to worry that he is okay. This is a good time to be surrounded by family and friends and the support they can give you. Blessings to you in the coming days and weeks.
Unfortunately, I know someone who went last year to her granddaughter’s graduation, and left her husband in Hospice care. He passed away, they said from the stress of being home with her all the time, to being in a new environment. He had dementia, and was very lost, confused, scared, and full of anxiety from a place and people he did not know. Now she feels like she caused his death and has tons of guilt.
If your husband has been there and knows the people there, I guess that would make a big difference. It would also be important to your granddaughter too.
Sally, I am sorry that this decision was made by default. I would have told you that with Hospice you do have the option of asking for Respite Care. (please, anyone with a loved one on Hospice take advantage of this benefit) Know that your husband will be with you during the graduation..it is possible that this is why he chose to go at this time. Let yourself have a good time without feeling any "guilt" for doing so.
Absolutely he is being cared for. Also there is no reason to think it’s wrong. I was a caregiver of my husband. Denying my self time to do or go somewhere maybe once in 6 weeks or 10. Changed nothing. Treat yourself go to that graduation and be glad. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Your husband has help, so nothing will stop you. Leave Guilt out of your life. Where does Granddaughters graduation take or took place? Go to your granddaughter’s graduation since it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event that you later won’t regret.
With my late mother’s care at home, I can’t say how many activities I missed out on with no one available to watch her and most of my family living out of state. I had to forget instead of regret.
Thank you to everyone who responded. My darling husband ended up passing away on Thursday morning so I was able to come to my granddaughter’s graduation. Bless his heart for making the decision for me. I am thankful that he is free.
Yes. I agree with everyone else. Please go. I have lived my whole life trying to please my mom. When I finally wanted to try to enjoy my life before it was too late, my mom got dementia. She also was a caregiver for her husband. I think it was stress from being a caregiver as well.
My own mental health has suffered from it so please give her self a mental lift. You need it. I regret living in isolation because of feeling bad about something that I cannot change or help with.
We can never replace time. Please enjoy what time you can. I am sure your grandaughter will love that you came.
You husband may be in hospice care, but you aren't! You still have a life to live. There is no reason to feel guilty because of that. My mother lives with me and is in hospice care. Luckily she still has her mental facilities so she can call me or a friend by voice via the Alexa device by her bed. The hospice company will also have someone stay with her if I must leave for a day or so. So far I haven't used that service. Check with your hospice care company to see if they offer that service. Your granddaughter will only graduate from high school once!
es — you can attend your granddaughter’s graduation, but only if proper care is arranged for your husband during your absence. Talk to the hospice team first.
Yes get someone to stay with him and go enjoy yourself if you don’t you will regret it I took care of my mother for almost 8 years and I would not ever leave my mom I regret not doing things now but if you have anyone to stay you better do it
No question to whether you should go or not yes forget the unfounded guilt- you have other responsibilities as well to juggle. go- enjoy and tell hubby you will bring back photos and a personal video from your daughter for him Congratulations to your daughter and the proud family
Is he at home, or in a facility? I think if you can make the arrangements with your Hospice team, you should go. It’s a big stepping stone for her, if you can’t go, for whatever reason, find out if they are broadcasting on Zoom or some other platform so you can watch it live. That way maybe both of you can be there.
I feel that if it's important to you, absolutely you should go, but if you find it too difficult to leave your husband, can anyone do a live video that you could watch? I've heard of graduations being live streamed as well.
I agree, you should definitely go. Seniors make themselves invisible and irrelevant by withdrawing from family gatherings and social events. Grandparents are special. You are special to your granddaughter, so definitely go and have a wonderful time with her.
Of course you should go! It will be a break for you, and your granddaughter will appreciate it. Husband's health is going to do what it does regardless if you are at his bedside or not. It's not fair for you to be expected to hover there when an important occasion is going on! Go and enjoy.
If you feel there is nothing more eminent than has been the case over the last months, yes, I think you should, though of course your hubby will require a move to respite care. This may be available through hospice, so discuss with them. You might discuss whether or not this is a time, so far as they can judge, that you can take a week off and go to this celebration.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When things slow down, that's when the adjustment truly starts, as your daily routine has been has been upended. Please remember that it's okay to allow yourself to grieve not only for your husband, but as you figure out what your daily plans will look like now. Remember to reach out to family and friends as you get involved in new activities, or activities you enjoyed but had to put on hold.
There is light after the loss of a loved one. Just take one step at a time, one day at a time to reach it.
May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and comfort during this new season in life.
Of course, make sure your husband is well cared for in your absence. You might want to teleconference with him daily in an effort to help him be part of the festivities.
I'm sorry for the loss of your husband.
I'm glad you could make it to your granddaughter's graduation.
It's good that you are sharing precious moments with your family, even in the midst of grief. Life goes on, and your granddaughter has achieved a wonderful milestone that's deserving of being celebrated.
It probably hasn't fully hit you yet - the relief that suffering has ended is likely to be paramount. Be gentle with yourself and take each day as it comes.
If your husband has been there and knows the people there, I guess that would make a big difference. It would also be important to your granddaughter too.
Best of luck. 🍀
I would have told you that with Hospice you do have the option of asking for Respite Care. (please, anyone with a loved one on Hospice take advantage of this benefit)
Know that your husband will be with you during the graduation..it is possible that this is why he chose to go at this time.
Let yourself have a good time without feeling any "guilt" for doing so.
With my late mother’s care at home, I can’t say how many activities I missed out on with no one available to watch her and most of my family living out of state. I had to forget instead of regret.
My own mental health has suffered from it so please give her self a mental lift. You need it. I regret living in isolation because of feeling bad about something that I cannot change or help with.
We can never replace time. Please enjoy what time you can. I am sure your grandaughter will love that you came.
You have to celebrate the good stuff.
yes
forget the unfounded guilt- you have other responsibilities as well to juggle.
go- enjoy and tell hubby you will bring back photos and a personal video from your daughter for him
Congratulations to your daughter and the proud family