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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If I were in your situation I'd transition him into LTC, which is covered by Medicaid (and when he qualifies financially as well). He'd get all the help he needs, you'd get your life back and you can visit him as often as you'd like.
I'm so sorry for these circumstances. You are in good company here...
You say he can no longer walk or talk. Do you know if he understands you when YOU speak to him? Can you tell us his age, and yours, and what assistance you have in caring for a bedridden hubby?
Can you tell us what your current frustration is? Is the care itself too much? Do you feel you are approaching a time when hubby should be in care so you can return to being his wife and not his caregiver? Do you have inadequate help?
I cannot tell exactly what you might be asking us. I sure am sorry you are dealing with this.
Of course you're sad, you're losing your husband and seem to be overwhelmed with his care. Do you have any in home help to assist you? If not, you may have to think about placing him in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate, and not his burned out caregiver. And if money is an issue, you will have to apply for Medicaid for him. You can call your local Area Agency on Aging, and Senior Services to see what help might be available, and if your husband is a veteran, call the VA, as they will have some options as well.
My late husband after having a massive stroke at the age of 48, later developed vascular dementia and ended up completely bedridden in our living room and under hospice care for the last 22 months of his life. I at first had my oldest grandson here to help me with him and later had to hire an aide to come help me in the mornings. It was very hard, but I'm grateful that I was able to keep him at home. But not everyone is able to, and it comes to a point where you have to do not only what is best for your husband but for yourself as well, as you matter too in this equation. I wish you the very best as you take this journey with your husband.
Iam frustrated becouse I see sleepin all the time ..I dont know how much he understand. I have an Aid and he is in Home Hospice since last March. I have my family around all the time helping. Also I have a Social Worker
Nan, I would discuss this with the social worker. You are the best judge about where this goes at this point. If you cannot continue to do this in home then I think you should not attempt to do so.
I had a friend in the hospital, could not open her eyes, and laid there for weeks. I visited her and I knew she loved to hear the bible verses and hymns - so I am not the best at singing - would read a story or verses out of the bible and sing to her the songs I felt I could do my best at. I felt better and I feel she could hear my voice. I told her I loved her and that we all loved her. She passed away about three weeks. Just know that doctors state that even though people are not awake, they can still hear you! Tell your husband that you love him and remind him of all the wonderful things you did together - walks, dinners, movies, holding hands etc. Prayers for you!
At one point in my husband‘s recent decline, he was sleeping almost all of the time, and it felt lonelier than when he was away at his dialysis center. When he was actively dying, I continued with holding his hand, forehead kisses, hugs, etc and singing to him. I believe that people often can sense a loving presence whether they respond or not. As others have suggested, continue to sit with him for short periods, talk or read or sing or just quietly hold his hand. I happen to think it’s also OK to shed tears by his side. You may already be doing these things, and hopefully it brings you some comfort as well.
I understand your sadness and frustration. My situation is very similar. A blood clot at the base of the brain left my husband unable to walk, talk, or eat solid foods at the age of 53. This happened 9 years ago! And, since none of the stress factors exist in his life anymore, he is ironically, remarkably healthy. I have seen a very slow progression of his abilities. I used to cry weekly, and beg in prayer for him to get better. I don't cry as often now. It's just become our new way of life. You might benefit from some talk therapy - with a licensed therapist, not just friends and family. Your friends and family Don't really understand, and they will feel compelled to simply give you positive confirmation and platitudes.
Also, don't give up on your husband. Continue to be there for him and show him love and talk to him just like you used to. The sad reality is, brain damage is irreversible. You can try and help his brain form a new neural network. Watch TV together and talk about things you see. Play simple games, like those geared for children. For the first 5 years or so, all my husband wanted to watch was animated movies, with animal characters. Very simple, light hearted, and easy for his brain to digest. He's now into watching sports. I record shows, and stream a lot so he can watch the same thing over and over again. He may live like this for a long time. You will need to adapt to this new way of life and make the best of it. Hugs to you <3
Unfortunately, her husband has frontal-temporal-lobe dementia, which is progressive, as well as having had a hemorrhagic stroke. I agree with suggesting to Naneailan that she get some counseling since her husband is past the time when much recovery from the stroke is likely, and deterioration is likely from the dementia. It is very difficult not to be able to help someone you love not only not to improve but to get worse.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If I were in your situation I'd transition him into LTC, which is covered by Medicaid (and when he qualifies financially as well). He'd get all the help he needs, you'd get your life back and you can visit him as often as you'd like.
I'm so sorry for these circumstances. You are in good company here...
Do you know if he understands you when YOU speak to him?
Can you tell us his age, and yours, and what assistance you have in caring for a bedridden hubby?
Can you tell us what your current frustration is?
Is the care itself too much?
Do you feel you are approaching a time when hubby should be in care so you can return to being his wife and not his caregiver?
Do you have inadequate help?
I cannot tell exactly what you might be asking us.
I sure am sorry you are dealing with this.
Do you have any in home help to assist you? If not, you may have to think about placing him in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate, and not his burned out caregiver.
And if money is an issue, you will have to apply for Medicaid for him.
You can call your local Area Agency on Aging, and Senior Services to see what help might be available, and if your husband is a veteran, call the VA, as they will have some options as well.
My late husband after having a massive stroke at the age of 48, later developed vascular dementia and ended up completely bedridden in our living room and under hospice care for the last 22 months of his life.
I at first had my oldest grandson here to help me with him and later had to hire an aide to come help me in the mornings.
It was very hard, but I'm grateful that I was able to keep him at home.
But not everyone is able to, and it comes to a point where you have to do not only what is best for your husband but for yourself as well, as you matter too in this equation.
I wish you the very best as you take this journey with your husband.
Feeling frustrated, that there is not more within your own power to change or do, would also be completely understandable & normal.
I would think these may be part of the four tasks of grief/mourning.
Task I: To accept the reality of the loss.
Task II: To process the pain of grief.
💙
I have seen a very slow progression of his abilities.
I used to cry weekly, and beg in prayer for him to get better.
I don't cry as often now. It's just become our new way of life.
You might benefit from some talk therapy - with a licensed therapist, not just friends and family. Your friends and family Don't really understand, and they will feel compelled to simply give you positive confirmation and platitudes.
Also, don't give up on your husband. Continue to be there for him and show him love and talk to him just like you used to. The sad reality is, brain damage is irreversible. You can try and help his brain form a new neural network.
Watch TV together and talk about things you see. Play simple games, like those geared for children. For the first 5 years or so, all my husband wanted to watch was animated movies, with animal characters. Very simple, light hearted, and easy for his brain to digest. He's now into watching sports. I record shows, and stream a lot so he can watch the same thing over and over again.
He may live like this for a long time. You will need to adapt to this new way of life and make the best of it. Hugs to you <3