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In your profile, you say that your husband suffers from Alzheimer's/dementia. If that's the case, his 'urges' can be attributed to something called Inappropriate Sexual Behavior or ISB which is common with dementia. He probably doesn't comprehend that he can no longer function sexually, thereby causing all this distress and frustration.There is no reason for you to be 'accommodating' to him when the act is painful for you to endure. Have a chat with his doctor to let him know what's going on and there are medications that can be prescribed for ISB.
In the meantime, tell him your shop is closed for repairs and that perhaps you can ease his frustrations manually (or something). My sympathies for what you're going through. But don't think you 'have to' do anything that causes you pain and discomfort, ok?
See my post to unitetogether “No More Sex Ever for Me???” on Sept 19.
I, too, had a radical prostetectomy. There are meds that might help, and implants are also available. Have him, and you, talk to his urologist. Unfortuneately, there are no meds to eliminate one's libido.
Hi, I'm really not sure what you mean but I can relate somewhat to your situation. I could recommend things my wife & I have attempted, but I don't know if this forum is the appropriate place for descriptions. I'm fairly new here and am still learning the correct protocols. In short it would involve you doing less and for him to still feel gratification. I wish I could be of more help.
Wow, you already have Jack below to help out; the two of you should send a few PM messages for advice. May I ask if just affection and cuddling is at all satisfying for hubby, or is that simple frustration? I think you and he need the advice of a doctor, and I wonder also if there are any Forums out there that are specific to this subject. The world seems so full of them and I know there are many Facebook sites for people with my own contender, breast cancer. Good advice perhaps from people who have "been there". Not certain what else I can recommend, and am sorry for all you are both going through with this.
Yep, something you need to discuss with your doctor. Yes, it becomes too much work. For you, can use a lubricant. We found the Meds are a little too expensive, $500 for ten pills. You lose the spontaneity. I tell my husband we can be teenagers again not ready to go "all the way".
It depends on whether you want to or not. If he is putting pressure on you to do something that hurts you or you don't want to do, tell him no. Forcing sexual contact on another is abuse. Look up the signs of domestic abuse. Some women don't even realize that what is happening to them is abuse.
Sex has stopped happening about a year ago because yes it hurt. I’m almost 77!. However husband with Parkinson’s and dementia sits in the living room and strips naked and performs inappropriate behavior. I have to get up and leave the room as it upsets me to watch him. I can’t bring myself to manually assist as there is no longer any intimacy in the relationship. I feel guilty but can’t subject myself to something that makes me feel uncomfortable. This behavior of his also prevents getting anyone in the house to help for obvious reasons. This in just one of his bizarre behaviors. Others include the porn on the computer, etc. he’s on Nuplazid but doesn’t really help his impulses or obsessions.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
In the meantime, tell him your shop is closed for repairs and that perhaps you can ease his frustrations manually (or something). My sympathies for what you're going through. But don't think you 'have to' do anything that causes you pain and discomfort, ok?
Best of luck!!
I, too, had a radical prostetectomy. There are meds that might help, and implants are also available. Have him, and you, talk to his urologist. Unfortuneately, there are no meds to eliminate one's libido.
I hope the two of you can work it out.
.