My husband drinks 90 cans lager a week, he is refusing any medical help, won't have any tests eg:- bloods, liver scans etc. done to see how bad his liver is. He has been peeing in a jug in the kitchen and is making a mess all over the floor, as he is now missing the jug, he Says he can't get to the upstairs toilet in time. This has been going on over a year and this is getting worse, can't cope with this any more and don't know what to do, apart from walking out and leaving him to get on with it, but I can't and I can't get any help from any one, so I am thinking of having a extension toilet but he is refusing for me to get any onse out to give us a quote, says we can't afford it so I don't know what to do now. His memory is getting worse, sleeps in his clothes and wears them for 7 days, has a shower once a week, does nothing but drink and smoke all day, help help !!!!!!!
I am afraid the best course of action is for you to leave him. Make a plan and follow through. There are organizations to help you, but like him you have to be at the point that you want and will accept the help.
If your husband is still at least attempting to use a jug to urinate in and showering once a week, then the horror of it is that he has a long way yet to fall. You can't stop him drinking. It's true that it may be medically unsafe to try, but besides that he will find access to alcohol. It's what they do. In the last few months I've seen a person who was supposed to be bedbound through injuries use a Zimmer frame and a backpack to walk to the store and carry vodka bottles half a mile home. Another taken to hospital for urgent treatment insisted on being discharged home the same day because that's where the cider was - couldn't dress, couldn't wash, couldn't get to the commode let alone the bathroom, could barely stand, had smashed a plate on the kitchen floor and was wandering around barefoot baffled by where the blood was coming from. Both have spouses, both spouses had moved heaven and earth for years to help. The only thing you can do for now is get yourself away from the situation.
If that is a confirmed diagnosis you can place him in a Memory Care facility.
What I would suggest that you do is see an attorney, specifically one that is versed in Elder Care and discuss options for YOU.
In the mean time if at ANY time he falls or requires your help in getting up you call 911 and say you need a "lift assist". When they get him up request transport to the hospital.
Once in the hospital ask to talk with a Social Worker and tell them that you can no longer SAFELY care for him at home.
You can also contact your Local Area Agency on Aging and begin to determine what help is available for him (and you)
If your husband is a Veteran contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and give them as much information as you can. They can help determine if he qualifies for any services through the VA. Depending on where and when he served will determine how much help he would qualify for. It could be a little or a LOT. (they keep changing and adding conditions that increase the likelihood of being classified with a "service connected disability)
You should not be living in such conditions, as your house must smell awful with his pee all over the kitchen floor. You deserve so much better, as does he, but it is only you that you can change, so perhaps it's time for you to leave and start taking care of yourself. Al-Anon will be a great place for you to start, and they might have some suggestions of where you can go.
At the rate your husband is going he will be drinking himself into a early death, so you need to start getting "your ducks in a row" now.
I don't know what country you're in, but I hope that you have something like our Adult Protective Services that you can report him to, and they will come out and survey the situation, and take whatever steps are necessary to get you both the help you need.
My first husband is an alcoholic, and sometimes the best thing we can do is to just walk away to save ourselves. I hope that you will consider doing just that as you deserve so much better. God bless you.
I wish you the best and hope you will update us.
He has chosen to live his life this way. The only thing you can change is YOUR behavior and YOUR mindset.
Why do you think you need his permission to get an estmate?
Have you been to Al-Anon? That might help you see how changing your behavior might lead to a better outcome.
Have your hubs tested for cognitive decline, at least. But sounds like your husband has already decided what standard of living works for him and now it's your turn. It's tough but nothing changes if you don't change. Your husband is fine with things. If you're not, then it's up to you.
Perhaps you could re-read what you've written here as if it were posted by your best friend. What would suggest they do? How does this make you feel?
He is not going to change. You can.
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