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This church is in Trinidad but he insists that it is located here in America. I’m with him because I couldn’t talk him out of leaving and couldn’t let him drive away by himself. I don’t know what else to do.

Good grief! Find a way to dismantle the car and get the heck out of there. Like another poster said, call triple AAA and have the car towed back home.

Take his keys when you get home and hide them.
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Reply to Scampie1
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Take his car keys away and hide them.

Un attach a battery cable on the car.

You cannot let him drive. Do something.
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olddude Nov 11, 2024
My God, this lady can't really be this clueless.
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YOU drive if worse comes to worse! If you do not drive, then you disable the car so HE can't drive!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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This is the time you won’t be able to talk him out of bad choices, his brain is sadly broken. This is the time you’ll have to stand up for the right decisions even when he won’t like it. If you’re not safe doing so, call 911 and have him transported to the hospital, telling the operator you fear for your safety. The car has to be off limits, never to be used by him again, whether it’s disabled or has to leave the home entirely
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Also, there are hinge locks you can put on your doors so that he can’t get out. You need to do something to keep him from leaving the house in any kind of way. I don’t care if it’s a walk. He doesn’t leave the house unless you have caregiver help to talk a walk with him etc.
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Smurray50 Nov 11, 2024
Thanks for the hinge lock suggestion. I’m looking into those now.
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It is time now to consider placement.
Your husband is out of control. He represents a danger now to himself, to you, and WORSE to innocent drivers in the streets.

It is first for you to go to a good elder law attorney for division of assets so that your own funds are separated as well as you can, preserving them for your own future care.
Then hubby needs to be put in care.

If he is not diagnosed that is step one. Call the MD tomorrow. Arrange for a Neuro-psyc consult, and arrange to put yourself in charge of your husband whether as POA or guardian or next of kin.

I am so sorry.
This is no longer safe.
If you have to call APS then do so. They will explain to husband that they are taking the keys to the car until things can be settled here. They can help you with other guidance as well.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Get out, stop at a store, find a way to lose the keys, or slash a tire, call AAA or get an Uber
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Well you could have called the police to come and stop him, or you could have taken the keys away, or you could have disconnected the battery, or better yet, you could have offered to drive him yourself.
You're going to have to get a lot tougher with your husband or it will be you or some innocent child/adult that gets killed because your husband didn't see them or got confused while behind the wheel.
Would you be able to live with yourself if that were to happen? I know that I sure couldn't.
Someone driving with dementia is like someone driving drunk or high on drugs. It's not something to mess around with. And I don't care how upset your husband will get when he can't drive anymore, you have to do what is right and best for all involved.
Nothing raises my blood pressure quicker than hearing about someone letting their loved one continue driving when they know darn well that they shouldn't be.
So toughen up girlfriend, put your big girl panties on and take the damn keys away!!!
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Thanks for the responses. No I’m not clueless just having a hard time taking that final step. He has an appointment with a neurologist but it isn’t until January. It seems like he has taken a turn for the worst just the last few days. Anyway thanks again for the responses.
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southernwave Nov 11, 2024
I’m worried he is going to start eloping from the house.
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"It seems like he has taken a turn for the worst just the last few days."

If you are saying his behavior has suddenly become markedly worse, please consider he might have a UTI, which can definitely amplify dementia symptoms, causing more confusion and agitation, etc.

Your profile says your are an RN. Please take him to Urgent Care or the ER to get him checked for a UTI.

Also, does he have a PoA assigned? One of his adult children? Or you? Because if he doesn't, once he gets an official medical diagnosis he may not be able to assign a PoA anymore.

And, he doesn't need to go to a neurologist to get a diagnosis of cognitive/memory impairment... you can start with his primary doc who you may be able to see sooner than January 2025. From there if the doc suspects the symptoms may be due to something else, there will be testing. If there is a reason to suspect something going on in his brain (tumor, etc) then this is where the neurologist comes into play -- or to pinpoint what type of dementia your husband has, if this is something that matters.

I wish you all the best as you navigate the situation.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Smurray50 Nov 11, 2024
Thanks. He was diagnosed at Mayo but refuses to accept it and claims the Mayo doctors are frauds. He also refuses to get a POA or Living Will. No s/s of a UTI other than the increased delusions. I will talk to his primary about this possibility though. Thanks
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