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My sister and brother alternate as companions and are at the nursing home almost daily. When they are not there, she constantly calls out for them which forces the PSW’s and nursing staff to isolate her. Mentally she is still sharp, but She suffers from OCD and gets alarmed if her water sippy cup isn’t full or if her 2 hand towels are missing. While I live thousands of miles away my siblings call me daily so mom can speak with me. I try to cheer her up but it’s exhausting as her conversation revolves around her lost eyesight and lack of mobility. Afterwards my siblings will speak with me to vent about mom’s condition and that no matter how much they try to make her life better nothing seems to be working. To provide some context, Mom has suffered from mental health issues all her life in part caused by an abusive spouse. Dad has been gone for 10 years and is no longer a threat but that hasn’t changed her wellbeing. She has been on antidepressants for some time which don’t seem to help much. We’ve hired other companions, but she prefers the company of family and doesn’t respond well to them. I know my life is a breeze compared to my siblings who have dedicated their lives to her. That is their choice, but martyrdom hasn’t helped. I do wish there was a way to make mom less anxious and in turn take pressure off my siblings who deserve to have a life. I feel the whole family has been held hostage by her moods.

She is not "mentally sharp". Calling out constantly is called Shadowing, a feature behavior of dementia.

Her meds need to be adjusted to help reduce her anxiety, and this may help with the shadowing. Once her meds are properly adjusted then consider reducing the amount of time spent orbiting around her so that she adjusts to her LTC facility.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Overkill on the visiting and calling, she will never adjust as long as you keep this up. She needs to acclimate to her new home, being helicopter children is not the answer.

The family is holding themselves hostage, not the mother.

She has dementia, consider meds and backing off.
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Reply to MeDolly
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I feel very sorry for your mother for having all these family members hovering over her all the time. I mean really, how do you ever expect her to adjust to her new home and surroundings if family keeps jumping in to save the day?
It's so counterproductive don't you think?
Thank God you sound smart enough not to buy in to your siblings nonsense, and hopefully they will get some wisdom about this sooner than later, but for now, I would make sure that your mother is being treated appropriately for her anxiety with medications, and make sure that you're continuing to hold your boundaries strong.
And I will also echo what has already been said here that your mother "constantly" calling out, does NOT sound like a person who is "mentally sharp."
I'm just saying.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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