Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Narcs will never accept responsibility for their behavior. Are you familiar with the gray rock technique? Many people suggest to do this.
Don’t get angry. Don’t give her any fuel to feed the fire. That’s what a narc feeds on. Walk away when you are able to. Hang up the phone when a conversation gets out of hand. Your profile mentions Alzheimer’s disease, this makes your situation even more challenging.
There are many people on this forum who have been in your shoes for many years. I am sure that you will receive many answers to your posting.
Sorry your mom is difficult. Knowing that she is a narcissist, you can probably learn to not allow her to make you feel guilty. Find ways to be strong, set boundaries and let her attempts to control you fail, over and over again.
Mom can't really make you feel guilt, or any other way really - your feelings are up to you. Let the crappy stuff wash over you & ignore. It takes practice. (So easy to say but so hard to do 😣 - I struggle with this too 😫).
Do you NEED to be her sole caregiver? What other help, assistance, services do you use?
I’m it. She won’t let anyone else take care of her. She guilts me into it. She claims she does so much for me (she doesn’t). I have three sisters who do absolutely nothing and she lets them get away with it but then complains about them to me.
"I’m it. She won’t let anyone else take care of her".
OK. Batter up Mom. Time for hard ball!!
A common backstory..
*Aging in Place* is a peaceful scene of a sweet elder rocking blissfully on a porch swing with a house full of endlessly patient caregivers sharing the load.
Oh wait, did I say peaceful scene? I meant magical DREAM 🌈🦄
The reality is it can take a village of people.
Now the barriers to arranging the village helpers can vary. Some barriers will be yours, many will be your Mom's.
Love (luv my Mom so much just want to do it all myself) Trust (elder trusts only you) Fear (other non-family people, no way!) Or Entitled (I brought you up - you owe me). Many others reasons too, money of course.
If you decide this IS reasonable, then some of the barriers fall away. You are left to re-train your Mom. Not *convince* but *re-train*.
1st step: The Chat. Can't do it all myself Mom. Not reasonable. Getting more helpers around here.
2nd step: Don't ask. Just do. Start small, hire a cleaner, then a sitter while you go out for 2 afternoons a week. Then you walk out the door, tantrum or not.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Don’t get angry. Don’t give her any fuel to feed the fire. That’s what a narc feeds on. Walk away when you are able to. Hang up the phone when a conversation gets out of hand. Your profile mentions Alzheimer’s disease, this makes your situation even more challenging.
There are many people on this forum who have been in your shoes for many years. I am sure that you will receive many answers to your posting.
Best wishes to you.
Do you NEED to be her sole caregiver? What other help, assistance, services do you use?
OK. Batter up Mom. Time for hard ball!!
A common backstory..
*Aging in Place* is a peaceful scene of a sweet elder rocking blissfully on a porch swing with a house full of endlessly patient caregivers sharing the load.
Oh wait, did I say peaceful scene? I meant magical DREAM 🌈🦄
The reality is it can take a village of people.
Now the barriers to arranging the village helpers can vary. Some barriers will be yours, many will be your Mom's.
Love (luv my Mom so much just want to do it all myself) Trust (elder trusts only you)
Fear (other non-family people, no way!) Or
Entitled (I brought you up - you owe me). Many others reasons too, money of course.
If you decide this IS reasonable, then some of the barriers fall away. You are left to re-train your Mom. Not *convince* but *re-train*.
1st step: The Chat. Can't do it all myself Mom. Not reasonable. Getting more helpers around here.
2nd step: Don't ask. Just do.
Start small, hire a cleaner, then a sitter while you go out for 2 afternoons a week. Then you walk out the door, tantrum or not.
Thoughts?