My mom is in hospice, in her last days. She has dementia and has been in kidney failure for years. I have been taking care of her and my dad for years, also my aunt who had cancer. Even though I tried to do my best I still feel like if I just had something differently this would not be happening even though my mom is 90 years old. I did what I wanted to do I kept them out of nursing homes I was willing to sell my house to do that they both were in a wonderful board and care home with only five other people with loving care givers. I came almost every day to visit, but there's still this guilt. Maybe I should have done something else? Right now, I am watching my mom die. It's so hard but I believe that her family is waiting there to greet her. That gives me some comfort that she won't be alone. Thank you all on here that have given me good advice during this very hard time.
90 is a long life.
Deep breaths today. There are many mysteries and unknowns in life but whether you cared for your mom is not one of them. You chose to see her through these her last days and it was your gift to her and to yourself.
Yes, I believe whenever we find ourselves managing anyone’s care, we are constantly searching for what else we can do, what tasks were forgotten. That might take awhile for your mind to settle as you anticipate moms departure.
Breath in. Let her know you are with her. Let her feel your presence. That will be enough. Be gentle with yourself. We all die regardless of the best meds or doctors or good intentions.
Finally we all put the struggle away.
It is very ambitious of us to think we can cheat death regardless of what one more thing we might have offered. It comes for us all at some point.
We are with you Vickie as you say goodbye to your mom. Big hugs.
I imagine full of joyous times but also illness. This is how we humans are. She has a caring & loving family. In time I hope you can re-phase in your own way & connect with the good memories. I don't wish to minimise the heavy weight of grief now, just acknowledge lighter times are ahead.
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