Now that we just got through with Mom’s funeral we have been taking Dad to his medical appointments. We just found out he needs to start dialysis in 3 days. He had a graft put in during January so this was inevitable. My sister lives out of state and I live just over an hour away from him. We have been staying here for a month already. I want to move dad to an assisted living close to me an hour+ away but now he needs to start dialysis here to hopefully get fluid off of him and feeling better. Hopefully he can start dialysis and then we can move him once he is stable enough. We know the dialysis is going to be hard for him and he has to be there at 6am as that is the only time they have open. It’s such a nightmare. We love our dad and have to figure out what to do in order to be able return to our lives and take care of him. It’s been such a big mess with all of this. We didn’t really see it all coming.
My condolences on the passing of your Mom. I fear you will lose you Dad as well, sooner than later. And I hope you will allow HIM meanwhile to make choices for what would be best for him in terms of accepting/continuing dialysis, especially. Once your father has made that decision, I doubt that, whether he continues dialysis and all that means, or whether he chooses palliative care and placement, a move is almost certainly not in his future unless it is done with medical transport.
I am so sorry. This is a tough time to make decisions as a family, but be certain your father has all the information and makes the decisions for what is the end of his life the best he can. Placement seems a certainty either way. His condition ongoing may dictate what placement and where, and I think you must start now with his own medical system and placement where he lives. You may ask his MD if SNF is an option for his beginning dialysis, but it is going to take a lot of medical management.
My sister the doc told my dad not to consider dialysis at all. Elder patients come out feeling sickly and weak and by the time they regain function it’s time to go get it done again.
Finally took him off of it and he died 1 day later, it was a relief for everyone.
It is a big business, Medicare spent over 2 million dollars keeping him artificially alive and suffering every day. He was another of those who did whatever the doctor said, asked no questions, researched nothing just did as he was told to do.
I am sorry about losing your mother, he may never recover from this loss. Sending support your way!
Good luck. So sorry 😞
He is 90, and usually by that age there's some cognitive decline. Does his doctor really feel that dad is competent to make health decisions for himself? Do you? Have you spoken with anyone on his medical team?
Time to get the ball rolling in that direction. Dad needs to assign someone his MPOA, POA, and create advance directives if he hasn't done so. If he isn't sure, call his PCP and ask. Make sure his nephrologist has copies of any paperwork.
Also, consider a geriatric care manager. There are lots of them in Florida. Look up these: https://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCAWEB/ALCAWEB/Chapters/Florida_Chapter/Florida_Chapter_Home_Page.aspx and
https://caremanage.com/
You might find the perfect one and then be able to return home, getting updates from the manager by phone and email rather than being there yourselves.
My father in law was 77 when he started dialysis. He was in a SNF that had dialysis on site. He had diabetes and his kidneys shut down. He lasted two weeks with dialysis. We thought he was doing okay with it but then he suffered a cardiac episode during his last session and did not survive.
Dialysis is very hard on the body for someone already in a weakened state.
Of course your father might do very well with dialysis. But I never thought this sort of thing could happen the way it did. It just came out of left field.
You do not mention his mental or financial state, so it is difficult to answer farther. Can the OP enlighten us?