I’m 19 years old and the second oldest of seven. My mom got in a really bad car accident and now she’s in a coma. My older brother and I are left with her car bills along with her house. She’s never taught me what to do when this happens. She never told us where to find her payment information let alone how to pay for anything. She bought a car last month that I can only dream of affording but she hasn’t payed it off yet. We can’t find her debit card to pay for the rent and bills. I also have a foster sibling and she was planning on adopting my youngest brother but the court date is soon. I’m not sure if they’ll let me care for him since my mom is in the hospital. We’ve had him in our family since he was a baby so I can’t see him as anything other then my blood brother. I can’t stand the thought of not being able to keep the house together for when my mom wakes up. What do I do?
For medical information: The hospital should have no problems keeping you informed, as her child who is an adult. Hospitals have medical social workers and I think your needs would fall right into their job description. Nobody at a hospital returns phone calls promptly, ever, so keep calling until you get to talk to the medical social worker or someone similar.
For her finances: If you know what bank she uses I would start there. Go into the bank or call, either way speak with a manager. Tell them what the situation is and ask exactly what they need to know, what documentation they might need to help you. If by some miracle she has put your name or your older sibling's name on the account that will make things easy, but there must be some things they can help you out with.
As bills come in: Call the phone number on the bill, explain what is happening, as them what they can do for you. Can they defer payments for a month or longer? Or at least put a note in her file? Paying a few bills late isn't the end of the world, especially if you're trying to help. Do not pay everything with your own money. With the possible exception of rent and health insurance dues (if applicable) everything else can wait.
Regarding your foster sibling: Do you know who the case worker or social worker is for your sibling? They should want your sibling to get to stay with your family, and will do what they can. They can handle deferring court dates, etc.
Everything is overwhelming right now. Take it one thing at a time, you can make it.
1. What are the ages of the other children in the family? Contact family members and see if there are options for their participation. If the children aren't old enough for some level of personal care (and I hate to write this but want to warn you) there may be some intervention on the part of the county to ensure the children are cared for until your mother is well, especially if they're very young children.
2. That raises again the question of your father, and whether or not he's available to assist during this challenging period.
1. I really think the first order of business is to establish a good relationship with the medical staff so you can get updates on her progress. Then begin the search to identify her financial obligations.
2. If she handles them online, you may need to contact her ISP (Internet Service Provider), provide documentation of who you are and ask that they provide access to her accounts (at least the password) so you can make a list of her creditors.
If she pays them by check, charge or other means that are more accessible, contact her bank, charge company, get copies of past bills for a few months and begin to identify the creditors. You may have to go through her mail to start this process. (This is one advantage of using the old tried and true methods as opposed to online financial management.)
3. One possible option though is to contact the local city or township governmental authority, try to meet with them to provide documentation of who you are, and ask them to check how utility payments, and importantly, how property taxes were paid.
Assuming cash wasn't the payment method, there should be "paid" notations in their files, with either check (and banking information) or online payment information. That could give you a good start on locating her funding accounts.
4. Same with anyone she hired, such as a lawn maintenance service. They can easily check their records and identify payment methods/sources, which you can then contact.
5. I would focus on electrical, heat and water; they're mandatory to continue living in the home. Contact as many creditors as you can to explain the situation. I would do this in writing so that you have a copy of the letter as evidence of attempted contact.
You might first ask them what arrangements are possible in a situation in which the primary homeowner is (hopefully temporarily) sidelined by an accident. If you affirm that you want to find sources to continue payment, that should help them cooperate.
6. Does she get SS? If so, you could try to contact SS and find out the bank to which the monthly funds are deposited. Prepare to be discouraged though; this won't be an easy task.
7. You might ask the school at which your next youngest sibling attends if there's a counselor who can help you in one way or another, including counseling for your younger siblings.
8. The probate (?) court through which your youngest brother is being adopted needs to know ASAP to postpone any arrangements, which is likely the best option. Is this child living in the family home now?
It's possible also that an employee could use his/her governmental access to help you locate the information you seek, as I'm sure that your mother's income and checking accounts would be part of the data the government collected to verify her ability to care for another child. As I recall from working in the Juvenile Court (Adoption Department was affiliated) decades ago, the background investigation was very detailed.
9. As to financial obligations, assuming you can locate the companies, ask for a "stay" of payment obligations while you work out details of an interim situation.
10. Contact police for a copy of the police report. If I recall correctly, it also would contain auto insurance information by which you can them, get details on the insurance coverage & ask for background information provided for the policy. They should have either bank or charge information on payments. They can also address for medical bills, and whether the car was totaled.
11. Does she attend church, a Senior Center, or other meetings, including ones like a local card club, gardening group? They might be able to provide emotional support.
Have you found her checkbook? Have they given you her wallet that might have her debit card, etc.? Does she pay bills online? Look for passwords for her bank account, etc. Hopefully you and your older brother can get it figured out soon.
I'm not sure what obligation you are under about foster brother. Knowing the court date would be nice. I wonder if you could be appointed temporary foster mom or whatever it is called to keep him with the family that he knows. So sad.
I hope your mom recovers quickly. Good luck.
How old is your older sibling? Does this sibling live near you? Do you have any other adult relatives that you know/trust to come and help you, even temporarily? And by adult I mean someone in their late 30s, 40s, 50s or older? Because they would be more knowledgable about how to continue managing your mom's affairs and what authorities to contact.
Does your mom have health insurance? If so, has the hospital been informed of which one?
Do you have access to your mom's mobile phone, laptop or tablet? Have you looked through her mail to see about the court date for your brother? Usually social services only uses snail mail to send important documents. That paperwork would most likely have a caseworker name and contact number. Otherwise you can call social services (for the county that you live in, through the Dept of Health and Human Services) and they can help you find the caseworker.
There may need to be a temporary guardianship authorized by the courts (not sure who it would be) so that your household can continue to function and your siblings have legal advocates. If your mom isn't bringing home a paycheck, I don't know what happens with the house and car payment). Banks are very touchy about authorizing people to have access for accounts that are not their own.
Others on this forum will probably be able to give you more specific guidance, but you really do need an experienced older adult to help you navigate and explain things and help you make decisions, if this becomes you and your older sibling's roles. Wishing you much help and success as your mom recovers!