I’m new to caregiving. My mom was living on her own. She fell prey to a neighbor who almost wiped out every dime she had. When I reported the neighbor to elderly abuse hotline and they interviewed my mom, she showtimed very well and they told me that she was fine and she could make all of the bad decisions she wanted to. My mom wouldn’t speak to me for a year and a half. She showed up on my doorstep Christmas eve night wondering where everyone was. I took her home and stayed with her. My mom also has Ulcerative Colitis and I found that she was passing an extreme amount of blood. She has been in and out of the hospital since. Now she is living with my husband and I. She won’t let me leave the room. She starts calling for me, even at night. I am sleeping in a chair next to her and she still wakes up all night long calling for me. As soon as I say I’m there, she goes back to sleep. I’m exhausted and I can’t get anything done, including a shower, unless my husband sits with her and constantly tells her I’m in the shower and will be right back. When I come back she cries and asks me where I’ve been. What I want to know is, is there any way to wean myself away from her without causing her a great deal of distress?
My best friend's mom is starting to get like this, but she is still enough in her "right mind" that she believes there's nothing wrong with her, and refuses to seek help or medication.
Please let us know what happens. Where I live, you have to get a referral to geratric psych from the person's GP, so that's probably your first step. And definitely let them know about the "showtimer's!"
Your kids....it's unfortunate they don't want to get involved. Aside from being there for her....for me, watching my grandmother deteriorate was the first occasion in my life that helped prepare me for my own parents' slide. I think I would have found it much, much harder if I hadn't had been through it once with the "safety" cushion my parents in between me and her. :-(
I am alone, my husband passed several years ago and my children are grown and on their own, so it is no problem for me to be here. I am living at my parents home. My sister is here also with me and my Dad who is very alert, but has physcial problems of his own.
I just want you to know I understand and you are not alone and yes a geriatric psychiatrist can maybe order some meds to help you.
You pray you can do this every day... for how many days?
Short term, sure; and I hope you'll have every success in getting your mother more settled and happier after what must have been a frightening, traumatic period for her. She's a lucky lady not only to have a daughter who'll take care of her, but one who'll generously set aside whatever went wrong before.
But medium to long-term? All credit to the power of prayer, but no, you won't be able to do this every day, on your own, indefinitely.
By all means let's draw a veil over your family members' various excuses, but in that case start thinking now about planning your mother's care in the future. You love your mother, you want her to enjoy a comfortable later life, but there's still only one of you and only 24 hours in the day. Be realistic.
Make sure the doctor (whether GP or specialist) has this documentation before he meets with your Mom. You are more likely to be taken seriously. You might also show it to family members who are resisting change.
You definitely cannot keep doing this on your own. I agree with others that it is time to get some medical help.
Good luck!