She absolutely refuses to see a doctor, even a home visit doctor. At times she is so out of it too. Because if her stubborness, I started her on Tumeric, Milk thistle and other vitamins. She even stopped smoking oddly enough. The herbal protocol seemed to help a bit as her stools and urine actually returned to normal although the jaundice is still there. But now the last few days she barely eats, refuses the vitamins claiming she has a difficult time swallowing and keeps saying that everything just “lays on her stomach” I cook, clean, take care of the animals, quit my job, about to lose my car, go in massive credit card debt and I’m ready for a nervous breakdown. On top of all this, I’m fairly newly married and my husband is getting zero attention. I have literally no family but for a few relatives in Florida and Im in NY. I’ve never been so scared. Her good spirits are there and she talks about doing a lot of things “as soon as she gets better” but how is she gonna get better if she’s not proactively doing anything to try. I love my mom so much and this is killing me.
Jaundice can be from a lot of different causes;
alcohol abuse, liver infection, liver cancer,
cirrhosis, gallstones, hepatitis, pancreatic cancer, parasites in the liver or an overdose of a medication like acetaminophen (Tylenol).
(Healthline.com)
Your mom may be in denial about her condition or doesn't want to face bad news. Unfortunately you can't force her to get treatment. She may become confused due to the buildup of toxins. Possibly you could get her to the hospital if that happens.
Is it possible that she may already know what's wrong and she doesn't want to worry you about a potentially fatal disease?
Was/is she an alcoholic or drinks heavily?
Does she have any abdominal swelling or pain?
Ask her to get checked for YOUR sake, to make sure her "problem" isn't contagious. You certainly don't want to become infected also. All of these liver illnesses are serious.
You'll need to give some attention to your husband so your marriage doesn't hit the rocks. There's only so much you can do if your mom doesn't want help.
Don't ruin your life because she's refusing treatment. Good luck.
Just keep on doing "nothing" and she will likely end up MUCH sicker and she WILL be so "out of it" you can have her taken to the ER. From there, it's up to you...and her, if she's able to make decisions.
My SIL is a GI Dr. He would see this kind of patient on a daily basis. Don't get your hopes up that she is going to be compliant to any regimen a Dr. prescribes--but hold out hope that she might.
Does she live with you? Since you are FT caregiving, you need to protect yourself against disease, but I doubt what she has is communicable. Good luck with this---a non compliant, sick parent is the hardest thing to deal with!!!!!
If she won't see a doctor, you can't make her and neither can anyone else. But if you just play along with her bullsh*t and she dies, how will you be left feeling? This is NOT FAIR on you!
It may be that she knows full well how ill she is and just doesn't want to talk about it. Well, that's her choice too. But she can have the honesty to tell you at least that much truth, instead of treating you like you're some kind of idiot who can't see what's going on under her nose.
How do you know about the stools, by the way? Is your mother giving you this kind of detail? Because if she is, she's perfectly happy to share the gory details - just not with anyone who might be able to help.
In your position I would make some calls and get professional advice. You can try your own doctor, APS, the nearest health centre or walk-in centre: you tell them what has been happening and ask them what you should do.
One thing at a time, get her sorted, and then work on your other issues. I'm o sorry you are stressing, especially during the holidays! Come back and let us know how your making out, this is a great site food good ideas and solutions!! We do care about you!!! Take Care!!!
I understand the financial difficulties. I am confident that 2018 will see us at the very least filing for bankruptcy. My husband, who is bedridden, is content to watch reruns all day, sleep and not involve himself at all in these issues. I am headed for therapy in the New Year.
I would be very careful with giving her herbs, etc. unless you are a certified holistic physician or herbalist. You know she needs to see a physician.
If it were me, I would sit down and have a heart to heart with my husband about her. He loves you and will support you. He may have some ideas to offer and for sure he will be there for you. Good luck. Sending hugs!
Paramedics can be extremely persuasive and at least you have it on record that you tried to get her care.
So now for updates...some good news, some not so good news. For the good news, she finally agreed to a home visit doctor. The one I found is amazing. They can do mobile bloodwork, they have a portable xray machine, and even diagnostic equipment! Only downside is they can’t come until Tuesday so gotta hang in there a few more days. Praying and hoping the good Lord allows her to be comfortable til then.
Ok so the not so good news. She’s unable to swallow solid foods now which means she’s not taking any of her vitamins or supplements. Liquids seem to be no problem so far but she said solids just lay in her stomach like a lump and cause fullness, tightness, a dull pain and a regurgitation type feeling. She also started experiencing a congested right side nasal passage and had nosebleeds the last 2 days. I put a humidifier next to her and that seemed to stop the nosebleed (my house is indeed very dry) and she’s had sinus issues her whole life so i’m not sure if the nose thing is related but the stomach thing is new.
To answer the question from above...no she hasn’t had any alcohol. That’s what baffles me. She hasn’t had alcohol, a tylenol or a headache in over 20 years. This is a woman who sailed through menopause without a hot flash and she had me at age 37 without any complications. She was always a thriving, spunky woman. This all came out of left field.
Also, something else I’ll run by everyone. A week before she started feeling “sickly” an electrician was here doing work, used our bathroom, and apparently had diarrhea. I know this because I found evidence of. When I questioned him (it’s my husbands uncle) he said that he had just come back from the Dominican Republic and thinks he might’ve picked up a bug. How nice. So here I am thinking hepatitis maybe? Malaria? Who knows. But it’s a possibility. Thoughts?
Again, thank you everyone for being so supportive, kind and encouraging me to do the right thing. Please continue to offer whatever advice you can. It is most appreciated xoxo
The thing is, whatever is going on can destroy your liver in pretty short order. And you can't live without a liver. I'd still think about 911. Good luck and keep us posted!
Now. Let us know when you've made the call.
So glad to hear she's at the hospital. I doubt whether she'll refuse anything there. Hopefully you'll have a Christmas miracle.
May the Lord give the doctors the insight to treat her properly and may she be completely cooperative. May all turn out well.
Hugs too!
Matthew 21;21-22
Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. 22: If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”
When my husband was dying of severe pneumonia (on a respirator), I found this in the Bible as I was frantically looking for help.
The doctor said he had a 90% chance of dying. They were doing everything they could. He was on a respirator, 5 IV machines plus many more hanging free from the ceiling, lab work was awful, kidneys shut down, heart problems developed and it looked like this was the end for my 42 year old husband.
But, I took those verses and said, "Lord, you are our only hope. I'm too weak to believe without doubting, so you're going to have to help me with that too!" I prayed (and believed) day and night.
They called me one day to hurry to come in. Being a nurse, I knew what that meant. I got there and the doc said he has a blood clot in the lung and it will kill him. I said to give the meds but the meds could also kill him. Then I went to his bedside. BP 40/15, pulse 120. Then, hysterically, I took him by the shoulders, shook him and said, "You're not going anywhere, I've got a promise from God!" You could hear a pin drop.
Within 8 hours, BP 120/70, pulse 74.
He came home (unable to walk (yet) but alive. He lost 50 lbs in that month in ICU.
Now, he's a healthy chubby man that feels that he got a second chance. We celebrate his "birthday" (the day he came home Aug.2,) every year.
Miracles do happen. 👼🏼
Pray and believe.
Mom is in full fledge kidney and liver failure. They found mestatic cancer that originated in her uterus (she has a football sized tumor there) and apparently it spread to the liver (hence the jaundice) kidneys (explains the dark urine) and now it has put lesions on her liver/stomach and has spread to her lungs.
They have put her on morphine to keep her comfortable which she is. I spent 2 hours at her bedside today while she slept deeply. However she would stop breathing from time to time (which scared me) and then she’d take a long deep breath and let it out with a rattly sound.
She is being transported tonight to a beautiful hospice facility where she will have a pain free passing. While I am so grateful for her peace and the fact that she’s pain free, I have never felt so broken, sad, scared or nervous. This is the last thing I ever expected. She went from a thriving, beautiful amazing woman to a frail cancer ridden person. The wonderful nurse told me today...that’s not your mom you’re looking at, it’s the disease.
Prayers please. I’m a mess.
Stick around here; many of us have been down this path. There is good help here. Love to, my dear.