Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You don’t pose a specific question, but I really see an answer in what you wrote. Mom has chosen this behavior toward your brother for years and refuses to acknowledge or change it. That leaves you with little choice but to accept the situation. You don’t say mom has dementia, only anxiety, so in a sound mind she’s free to make her own decisions, even bad ones. Move on from trying to fix what can’t be fixed. I’m sorry, I know it’s hurtful
I'm sorry, however, it is her money to do with what she wants. You need to be sure that her gifts don't impact you.
My mother favored my brother his entire life. She gave him money for a new car, paid for his car maintenance, paid for gas, paid for insurance, significant investor in real estate where she put in the down payment and loan costs, he collected the rent, she paid for nearly all the expenses. In return, he took her phone calls and provided her guidance and peace of mind.
My thought is that she could do whatever she wanted with her money as she earned it. I concentrated on growing my own wealth.
My sister complained about every expense my Mom paid for my brother, however, all it would do is for them to keep it a secret. The more my sister complained, the more expenses that my mother would pick up. How did I know all this? My sister would complain to me how unfair it was and my brother would casually(?) mention that Mom gave him money. It was a game to him.
Unless your Mom's gifts to your brother money is impacting her ability to pay for her own upkeep, I suggest you just stay out of it. You are likely not going to change your Mom and your brother will look it as a game.
If it is impacting your Mom's ability to live, don't compensate for it by providing those items, especially money. Let her feel the impact of her generosity. When she asks you for money, tell her to go see your brother. Don't make loans with her either. There is no guarantee she will be able to hold up her side of the finances. Basically, don't be an enabler to her financial irresponsibility.
If she is at the stage where she might need to apply for Medicaid because her finances are too slim, let her apply for Medicaid. Don't let her guilt you into providing finances so that her lifestyle is higher than what she can afford. Also, don't take her money unless you really need it.
Your profile simply says that you are caring for your Mom, however, there are many levels of care. Try to keep separate, the finances of your Mom versus yours. It could be that the reason why your Mom is giving your brother so much money is because she thinks she has a lot more money than she really has. If that is the case, you need to put some distance between her finances and your finances, even if it isn't financially wise for her.
I know it is unfair, however, you should concentrate on growing your own financial estate. On the long run, you will come out ahead and you will have learnt fiscal responsibility.
BTW..because my Mom provided money whenever my brother asked, he never achieved even close to his true potential. When you talked to him, he only did the minimal needed to get by. He scored high on the IQ charts and made close to the federal poverty level. He was a great conversationalist. How about if you get your brother to help care for your Mom?
I am deeply indebted to him to fielding all those annoying phone calls and taking care of my Mom, while I was busy creating wealth.
My mom has also favored a brother over me and another brother. As Daughter said, we just accept it, though there is no abuse going on. Our mom helps out our brother as he in financial need and we view that as unfair but she can do what she wants.
That said, you say in your case there is financial abuse going on. Depending on what that actual is, I think something could and should be done about it
I wonder if ‘accept the situation’ is good advice. Perhaps OP really has ‘accepted the situation’ in the past. If OP asks for the same amount of money or gifts as are given to greedy brother, it might make it clearer to M. ‘You shouldn’t’ probably makes less impact than ‘I want equal treatment’.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mother favored my brother his entire life. She gave him money for a new car, paid for his car maintenance, paid for gas, paid for insurance, significant investor in real estate where she put in the down payment and loan costs, he collected the rent, she paid for nearly all the expenses. In return, he took her phone calls and provided her guidance and peace of mind.
My thought is that she could do whatever she wanted with her money as she earned it. I concentrated on growing my own wealth.
My sister complained about every expense my Mom paid for my brother, however, all it would do is for them to keep it a secret. The more my sister complained, the more expenses that my mother would pick up. How did I know all this? My sister would complain to me how unfair it was and my brother would casually(?) mention that Mom gave him money. It was a game to him.
Unless your Mom's gifts to your brother money is impacting her ability to pay for her own upkeep, I suggest you just stay out of it. You are likely not going to change your Mom and your brother will look it as a game.
If it is impacting your Mom's ability to live, don't compensate for it by providing those items, especially money. Let her feel the impact of her generosity. When she asks you for money, tell her to go see your brother. Don't make loans with her either. There is no guarantee she will be able to hold up her side of the finances. Basically, don't be an enabler to her financial irresponsibility.
If she is at the stage where she might need to apply for Medicaid because her finances are too slim, let her apply for Medicaid. Don't let her guilt you into providing finances so that her lifestyle is higher than what she can afford. Also, don't take her money unless you really need it.
Your profile simply says that you are caring for your Mom, however, there are many levels of care. Try to keep separate, the finances of your Mom versus yours. It could be that the reason why your Mom is giving your brother so much money is because she thinks she has a lot more money than she really has. If that is the case, you need to put some distance between her finances and your finances, even if it isn't financially wise for her.
I know it is unfair, however, you should concentrate on growing your own financial estate. On the long run, you will come out ahead and you will have learnt fiscal responsibility.
BTW..because my Mom provided money whenever my brother asked, he never achieved even close to his true potential. When you talked to him, he only did the minimal needed to get by. He scored high on the IQ charts and made close to the federal poverty level. He was a great conversationalist. How about if you get your brother to help care for your Mom?
I am deeply indebted to him to fielding all those annoying phone calls and taking care of my Mom, while I was busy creating wealth.
That said, you say in your case there is financial abuse going on. Depending on what that actual is, I think something could and should be done about it