During waking hours she hides it beside her while she has her hand on it. She thinks everything she owns is in it (currently $7.00) and she doesn't understand she has money in the bank. Now that she's winning Bingo Bucks at assisted living, she has become even more obsessed to the point where she is belligerent and thinks people are trying to steal it. She appears to think the "Bucks" are real. It has become all-consuming. Help!
Amazon do a great one -
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This is a very common behavior in dementia. My mom also had a death grip on her purse. She ate with it in her lap. She slept with it under the covers. It had a long strap and she'd wear it across her body. I couldn't move it without her freaking out. There was nothing in it but a comb, lipstick and a mirror but you'd think she had $1000. inside.
She was like that until she progressed to the end of stage 6 Alzheimer's.
She seems to have "forgotten" about it and sleeps a lot now.
Have you seen other signs that her thinking and behavior is off?
Has she had an appointment with her doctor recently?
With dementia there is no changing their behavior and they can't understand that their behavior is unusual. Dementia victims can't process information and act on it.
I'd get her checked out by her doctor.
I think the tummy bag is a great idea; but if she won't hear of swapping her established purse maybe you could feed a belt through it and keep it close to her that way?
Also... how long has she had this particular model? Because before you throw it out, make sure it doesn't in fact contain her eternity ring inside a tissue, inside said cling film, inside a folded brown envelope, deep inside the zipped compartment.
In fact having a purse with fake money helped mom greatly during her first year in memory care - I had swapped out her normal purse for a smaller nylon cross body bag
She would spend hours going through it - counting her money and eating the little treats I would put in it - life savers and peppermint candies, a pack of cookies and the like
It was large enough to hold a readers digest
She too would sleep with it under her covers
She constantly asks about her money, always thinks her money is at risk of being stolen. She sometimes forgets that her SS money is deposited directly into her bank account. She thinks it gets delivered by mail and someone stole it.
When her old purse was so tattered, we had a tough time finding her a new one that she liked. We took her shopping for a new one, she would choose one she liked, when we got home she changed her mind. She did that 3 times before she finally agreed to keep the last one. So frustrating.
And yes, that purses, bags and "walker holder" are jam packed with damp tissues, wadded newspaper clippings, gum, candy, TUMS, I never know what I might find.
I think a lot of it is the innate "hoarder" in her, which nobody can "solve", but also a generational thing. The enormous purses my grandmothers carried---endless supplies of stuff. Probably 90% tissues!!
And yes, mother worries herself senseless that someone is going to take her identity. WHY anyone would want the identity of an 88 yo woman with bad credit is beyond me.
soft stuffed animal or "blankie" One daughter had a tatered teddy the other a mouse and my son much loved panda. I had a teddy and a donkey called " Docky"
To the elderly they are frequently their only procession that they can retain control over.
Let her keep her bag. Maybe empty the used toilet paper from time to time but it is her security and so valuable that someone is sure to want to steal it.
No in case anyone is wondering I don't store used toilet tissue but i do keep my purse handy becase that way i have my check book to pay bills , my book with phone #s and appointment book to write my many appointments.
My walker has a couple of canvas bags on it plus I have rigged up a wire basket so I can transport my meals and drinks. The basket is also useful for getting groceries into the house and transporting laundry.
Until you enter old lady land you do not understand why old ladies have certain behaviors. Hubby never moves without his computer and phone. you can usually find a milky way in his car.
She solved this problem. Should the team show up at her home, she had a “decoy” purse near her chair for the thieves. Being a frugal person who didn’t really want to give up anything, it didn’t really have much in it. The tissues. A pair of ankle hose. A comb. A church bulletin. It felt empty when picked up.
Her actual purse was hidden away in her bedroom. The decoy purse stayed in place so long that it was dusted along with other things in her sitting room.
MIL carried one of the big multi pocketed bags that was full of any and everything she might need. Very heavy. She would change her bag often to match her outfits. When she died a matching bag went into her coffin with many of the necessities packed inside.
My favorite expression when faced with situations like this became “it’s not a first-world problem, let it go”.
My mom moved in with my husband and I back in December after she fell a few times and it was apparent she could no longer live on her own. She was in rehab for a while, but Medicare released her after 17 days.
I put away all her personal things, including her purse, while in rehab. She asked about it often, and I let her know I had to keep it safe. But I could tell it bothered her and she was fretting about it.
Once she was home, it took her about a month, but one day she very agressively asked where her purse was. I told her I had put it away. She demanded that I give it to her NOW! I gave it to her and she kept going through it over and over and over. She kept it in her room and at least once an hour she would go to her room and look through it. I asked her if she was looking for something and she would say no.
I wasn’t sure if this was an age- related behavior or she was a little nuts (other behavior had me thinking this may be the case) or her dementia. May be a combination of these.
You have to learn to "pick your battles" - let her sleep with her purse. Maybe even go further and tell her you admire her for protecting her "valuables."
Positive is always better than negative.
Just recently, I have noticed a subtle change in my routine. I get dressed, I put on any make up I can be bothered with, I put on my scent, I put in my earrings... and as I stand up, I whip a Kleenex from the box and tuck into my sleeve.
Doomed!
Best of luck.
If she uses it all the time try to get a fabric softener sheet [even a used one] into it as then it will smell nicer for her & bugs will stay away - maybe first time do a similar thing to your bag at the table along with her with a small bag for garbage but remember to put some things in your purse to throw out so she joins in the programme
Look at it this way, she is holding on to her purse not stealing someone else's
She is not wandering away from the facility, calling you every day asking to be taken home, getting violent or any number of other common problems that some people develop.
As to the BINGO bucks being "real" or not...are they used to play more games? can they be used in a facility shop? if so they are just as "real" as the cash that I have in my wallet.
All our lives we put such an emphasis on earning money. Fist to buy something when you are a kid, babysitting jobs to by "records, movie tickets, go out with friends then later as an adult to buy a car, a house, to put the kids through school. It is no wonder that she is "obsessed" with money it has had a deep meaning all our lives. Give her a real thrill..if you can make copies of the BINGO money and give her more!!! She will be the richest lady there. (Obviously you can't do this if the BINGO bucks are used in the facility for games, or purchases in any shop that would counterfeiting!)
make her happy.
...and then I have a good chuckle at myself.
If it's not hurting her, let her have it. Easier than being able to reason with her.