Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Go on you vacation, set your mom up with meals if you feel like you need to.
Maybe she will appreciate you more when you come back
And most importantly take your vacation and do your best not to worry. I took a few vacation, worried most of the time and called constantly. That's not much of a vacation either. So try not to worry
Your mom has dementia according to your profile. Do you have caregivers at all helping you? If not get one, or two so one can be an alternate. You can either go through an agency or hire privately. Begin by having a caregiver come in to help YOU. Then after the first or second day tell the caregiver you are going to leave for a bit. Say "Mom, I have to run to the store to get milk we are almost out. "Betty" will stay here with you." While you are out "Betty" can give mom lunch and they can chat while sorting socks and folding towels. Or whatever mom wants to do. The next time stay away longer. Mom will get used to having someone other than you taking care of her. Do you have POA? At some point you will need caregivers to help you out. Is mom on Hospice? Hospice will help with some things. Ordering supplies that will be delivered, getting the equipment that you will need. A CNA will help 3 days a week giving mom a bath or shower and ordering the supplies. AND Medicare/Medicaid will cover a Respite stay at least 1 time a year.
Mom has dementia which automatically needs to mean she’s not driving the train anymore. Please decide to act in both her and your best interests. You need not only a vacation but regular help for this to possible be sustainable. Dementia only worsens, sadly. I hope you have POA and will decide to get regular helpers at mom’s expense, take that vacation, and guard your own health and wellbeing. This truly becomes not about what mom refuses, but what is best for all of you
Your profile says you and your husband live with your Mother. Yes, you better go on that vacation. While on vacation, talk about how to move out so that you aren't orbiting around her for the rest of her life. I just left a response on a thread where the husband wanted to move out from this similar situation. Dementia robs people of their logic and reason which causes poor judgment. It also robs them of their ability to have empathy for others, so your Mom won't care that her reticence may wreck your mental and physical health and marriage. Your marriage is the priority. There are solutions for your Mom, you just need to be able to accept them.
I'm sorry, but a person depending on the good will of (or free unpaid help from) others doesn't get to call the shots.
You and your husband need to formulate a plan for you to step back from full time (most likely unpaid) caregiving. At the very least it will mean hiring outside assistance, (which Mom's assets would pay for) so you can get a break. If Mom doesn't like the idea of outside assistance, maybe she would prefer living in a facility, which Mom's assets would also pay for. If and when her assets run out, she would then be eligible for Medicaid. If money is tight, contact your county office of social services to see what resources may be available for her now and in the future. Who holds Mom's financial and health care Power of Attorney? Anyone? Contact a certified elder care lawyer (nelf.org).
If you're considering being the lead person for Mom's caregiving, whether it's hands on yourself, hiring aids, or getting her to move to a facility, DON'T do it without having financial and health care power of attorney. Otherwise you're stuck with all the work but no decision-making authority, and that is a NO WIN situation.
I've seen too many marriages and lives ruined by this type of situation, where someone moves into an elder's home or worse, moves the elder into their own home. A wake of destruction follows, and the caregiver ends up mentally, physically, and often financially, broken. Meanwhile, the person being cared for keeps soldiering on like the Energizer Bunny or a Timex watch. 40% of caregivers die before the person they are caring for. (I'm not saying it never works out, but those stories are few and far between in current times.)
It would be one thing if your mom was on hospice and had only weeks or months left, but she could go on for years like this, and her needs are only going to increase. You need to set some boundaries now for your protection.
What do you mean no health issues. She has Dementia and should not be left alone while you take a vacation. I am not saying you don't deserve one, you do. See if a local Assisted living has respite care. Tell her your going on vacation and so is she. If she is in the early stages maybe you can get by with having someone come in throughout the day. Really, you live with Mom and you know her limitations. Don't tell her its a "sitter". Tell her its your friend that is going to stop by. She may enjoy a "friends" company.
I told my mom my friend needed a place to stay and since I would be gone, she was going to help with the cooking to “pay” for her lodging. Then I paid her with Mom’s funds.
This isn't a choice for Mom. Take your vacation and get in the care she needs. If she is too far advanced for you to do that she will have to go to respite and needs to be TOLD that.
Darrin, dementia is a major health issue. MAJOR! The brain, which controls the whole body, can't function properly. Don't fool yourself or expect to fool others that mom is just hunky-dory, except a little forgetful. We never know when a dementia patient will do something dangerous to themselves or others. My neighbor took off all her clothes and walked down the middle of our street in the wee morning hours. My dad got up to go to work at 2:00 a.m. and had his car keys in his hand, though he hadn't driven for months. A sitter might not be qualaified to handle that sort of thing.
Your mother probably needs to be placed in a memory care facility, and then you get out from under the obligation of caregiving and have no more arguments with mom about sitters and housekeeping.
Of course you need a vacation, and you should take it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Or maybe she will go gourmet.. cheese & crackers, tinned soup.
How long is your planned vacay?
Maybe she will appreciate you more when you come back
And most importantly take your vacation and do your best not to worry. I took a few vacation, worried most of the time and called constantly. That's not much of a vacation either.
So try not to worry
She can pick up a phone and order a pizza or some take out. In fact, she can order twice as much to make it last.
Don't worry about it.
Do you have caregivers at all helping you?
If not get one, or two so one can be an alternate. You can either go through an agency or hire privately.
Begin by having a caregiver come in to help YOU.
Then after the first or second day tell the caregiver you are going to leave for a bit. Say "Mom, I have to run to the store to get milk we are almost out. "Betty" will stay here with you."
While you are out "Betty" can give mom lunch and they can chat while sorting socks and folding towels. Or whatever mom wants to do.
The next time stay away longer. Mom will get used to having someone other than you taking care of her.
Do you have POA?
At some point you will need caregivers to help you out.
Is mom on Hospice? Hospice will help with some things. Ordering supplies that will be delivered, getting the equipment that you will need. A CNA will help 3 days a week giving mom a bath or shower and ordering the supplies. AND Medicare/Medicaid will cover a Respite stay at least 1 time a year.
You and your husband need to formulate a plan for you to step back from full time (most likely unpaid) caregiving. At the very least it will mean hiring outside assistance, (which Mom's assets would pay for) so you can get a break. If Mom doesn't like the idea of outside assistance, maybe she would prefer living in a facility, which Mom's assets would also pay for. If and when her assets run out, she would then be eligible for Medicaid. If money is tight, contact your county office of social services to see what resources may be available for her now and in the future. Who holds Mom's financial and health care Power of Attorney? Anyone? Contact a certified elder care lawyer (nelf.org).
If you're considering being the lead person for Mom's caregiving, whether it's hands on yourself, hiring aids, or getting her to move to a facility, DON'T do it without having financial and health care power of attorney. Otherwise you're stuck with all the work but no decision-making authority, and that is a NO WIN situation.
I've seen too many marriages and lives ruined by this type of situation, where someone moves into an elder's home or worse, moves the elder into their own home. A wake of destruction follows, and the caregiver ends up mentally, physically, and often financially, broken. Meanwhile, the person being cared for keeps soldiering on like the Energizer Bunny or a Timex watch. 40% of caregivers die before the person they are caring for. (I'm not saying it never works out, but those stories are few and far between in current times.)
It would be one thing if your mom was on hospice and had only weeks or months left, but she could go on for years like this, and her needs are only going to increase. You need to set some boundaries now for your protection.
Take your vacation and get in the care she needs.
If she is too far advanced for you to do that she will have to go to respite and needs to be TOLD that.
Your mother probably needs to be placed in a memory care facility, and then you get out from under the obligation of caregiving and have no more arguments with mom about sitters and housekeeping.
Of course you need a vacation, and you should take it.