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She's also said she hates me and wants to kill me. She lies and manipulates. She has become unbearable. But she is now hurting herself. Punching walls. Not taking any of her medications.
Welcome to forum, Clm. We need more information from you in order to help with your situation. Does your Mother live with you? Does your Mother have a diagnosed dementia or mental illness? For how long has your Mom been suffering from this current condition? Meanwhile do know that you can call an ambulance. Tell them Mom has physically attacked you and is out of control. Ask she be transported to the hospital for assessment. Once Mom is at the hospital ask for a nurse manager or a social worker to meet with you at once and fill them in on what is happening. This is your best route to assessment and also to placement if that is the ultimate best choice.
Hello Clm1209 Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that your mom is so miserable. It must be awful to witness. It certainly sounds like your mother is suffering from a psychiatric disorder but with her not being willing to visit a doctor it is hard to know if it could be an infection or other issue. Look up involuntary commitment for Illinois. Often referred to as the Baker Act. Don’t be afraid to get her help. Neither of you sound safe in her current condition.
Your mom is pretty young. Are you living with her? If so for your own safety you need to begin plans to move out. If she is living with you and she is not competent you need to look for Assisted Living or Memory Care for her. (If she has been diagnosed with dementia MC would be the best option) BUT first she needs to be medicated for the outbursts, anger, anxiety. If she does not have dementia and it is mental illness she needs to be properly diagnosed and again medicated for her safety as well as those around her. The next time she threatens you or to self harm you MUST call 911 and tell the dispatcher that you are afraid she is going to harm herself or harm you or another member of the household. If she it transported to the hospital you MUST tell the hospital Social Worker that she can not be discharge to home as it is unsafe. You are afraid she will harm you or herself. Do not back down on this!!!
I hate to say it but, and this will be difficult for you, If she is mentally ill you can not help her she has to be professionally treated. If she has dementia she needs to be properly diagnosed and for your safety and hers she needs to be placed in Memory Care and to do this she will have to be medicated for the anxiety/outbursts. Finding the correct diagnosis is important.
A little more info in your profile or adding to your post will help with better responses.
You can't do anything other than get her professional help. You can't fix or change her, especially as she is unwilling to do it herself. You could force the state to grant you or give them guardianship of your mother. If you do request it, you will need to get her into a facility that can take care of her.
You also need to find a safe place. Staying with her could be dangerous and you don't want to wait until something happens to take action.
Get a heavy duty rubber door wedge for your bedroom and for when you're in the bathroom. Try to get a baby cam. Record her saying that she wants to kill you. Call your local Area Agency on Aging. Go to any nursing home or hospital if you don't know where to start and tell them you need to talk to a social worker for recommendations. It is understandable that you think that you have to care for her but you are not equipped. I'm so sorry for your troubles.
1. Stop trying to fix her. Get away from the unsafe situation. 2. Find a support group. NAMI has support groups in every state and a national presence in the US. Their website is https://nami.org. They have a helpline you can call. 3. If there is a Community Services Board in your state, call them.
Leave. Maybe she doesn't want ur help. Or call a friend for help while you leave and take a break. I don't know the problem. Not even close. But stress can make it harder.
Does your mother live with you or you with her? That needs to change unless behavior and medication are controlled. Use the 911 option if she is a threat to you or herself. She may need to be confined for assessment even against her will.
From your description of your mother, she is perhaps a narcissist or she has other mental health issues that’s affecting her. She needs a psychiatric evaluation ASAP.
My heart goes out to you…It is so very hard to become a parent to your parent! But mental illness is real! Whatever form it takes. Your safety is paramount and hers as well. But, you must take the lead as she is unable to. Most of the responses I’ve read are very helpful please use that advice and seek professional help for your mom and it won’t hurt for you to speak with someone to help ease your mind as well. Stay encouraged through this trying time❤️
If anyone, even someone you love, threatens you, you need to remove yourself from that relationship.
Please ask her doctor to place a 72 hours psych eval hold on her, so they can appoint a social worker to get her placed. If the doctor refuses, take her to the ER and refuse to take her home with you. If she refuses to go to the ER, call th police hen she threatens you and record it on your phone to prove the threats.
It's not fun or easy, but you must play the game to make placements work.
I agree wholeheartedly with some of the responses. The next time she acts up, start recording her behavior on your phone and call the police. Have them take her in for a psych evaluation. I think it is a certain time frame.
She will receive an evaluation that she needs.
If you live in her house, find a different place to live and don’t return immediately.
If she lives with you, refuse to accept her back and state that there isn’t anyone who can care for her at that address and that social services will need to help her find a place to live. That she is a danger to herself and others if she returns to that address.
Clm1209: Call 9-1-1 when she threatens to kill you and also when she is hurting herself. Please come back to the forum to let us know about your welfare.
Sorry to hear of your situation. My Mom also refused medical help when required, and she ended up with chronic kidney disease. She also did not think she needed her meds anymore and took them some of them whenever she deemed necessary, with the result being blood too thin or too thick, irregular heartbeat, etc. Yes, lies, manipulates, abuses...very familiar! Is there a social worker or visiting nurse that can document her behavior? Can you record her tantrums and send to medical and legal professionals? At some point it will catch up to her and unfortunately you will somehow be involved. Best of luck!
While everyone is focused on the possible mental illness, I thought that I would point out that urinary tract infections can alter an elderly persons behavior dramatically with little or none of the typical signs of UTI. I strongly suggest that all of your mother's medical professionals be called in to evaluate her health, safety and competency.
Ideally, a person over 70 years of age is going to a Geriatric specialist for primary care - not a general internal medicine or family physician. An annual evaluation of your mom's ability to care for herself should be done, and you should receive medical advice on the best treatment and setting for such treatment.
When she's threatening you and being violent and destructive call 911 and they'll bring her to the hospital. Let them take it from there. They will send a social worker to speak to you and your mother will get the help and care she needs. Even if she doesn't agree to it.
Every time she acts out call 911. If she is admitted to a hospital, when they want to release her, don't take her back. Tell hospital, it would be an unsafe discharge. Those are magic words. Hopefully anyway, be firm. Take videos of her outbursts.
If nothing works, get out. Go to a women's shelter if you have no money. She could kill you or hurt you for life.
Once 911 is called they should bring ems out at same time along with police. You tell drivers you want her taken to hospital for full work up (uti and etc) and the 72 hour hold to evaluate for any mental illness as well. This way You have covered medical and mental. Then doctors should have diagnosis and a plan on what choices can be made. If it is mental then if she doesn’t have guardian or POA then you’ll need to go to court ask judge to be appointed as one. BUT, if ems ask her questions and she can answer those correctly then ems probably won’t take her unless you get guardianship papers. You will have to go to judge to get those. They will generally give emergency guardianship so that the person in question can be evaluated. Once evaluation is complete the judge will determine yes or no on if person is required to have full time guardian.
So sorry to read of your mom and you having these issues. My heart goes out to you. I read some of the answers and I wonder where they live. Because undoubtedly, they live in Texas. I say that because my husband had schizophrenia and later dementia. I called police (911) and another time I called paramedics who took him to the hospital. The policemen, explained to me they can only intervene only if they witness for themselves self harm in their presence or harm to the caregiver in their presence. Paramedics simply took husband to ER. Nothing was done aside from recommending he go see his psychiatrist and sent him home. Totally fruitless. If you can get them to go to the hospital, you can then ask for a mental evaluation and upon discharge advise them that she needs to go to memory care/nh.
I wish you the best of luck. Remember that you are not legally responsible for your mom and get away physically from her. That is first and foremost. Again,best of luck!!
Record her doing it, then call 911 and let them haul her away. Just make sure she stays for the 3 day hold so Medicare will kick in after and she can be sent somewhere else. Actions have consequences.
Mentally ill? Dementia? Call an ambulance and have her transported to ER. Read Liz Scheier's book Never Simple about her mentally ill Mother, who, despite decades of her and the entire state resources of New York trying, was never able to be helped. Ultimately you may need to move on your own; report your Mother, then, to APS as a senior at risk. Let the state take guardianship.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does your Mother live with you?
Does your Mother have a diagnosed dementia or mental illness?
For how long has your Mom been suffering from this current condition?
Meanwhile do know that you can call an ambulance. Tell them Mom has physically attacked you and is out of control. Ask she be transported to the hospital for assessment.
Once Mom is at the hospital ask for a nurse manager or a social worker to meet with you at once and fill them in on what is happening.
This is your best route to assessment and also to placement if that is the ultimate best choice.
Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that your mom is so miserable. It must be awful to witness.
It certainly sounds like your mother is suffering from a psychiatric disorder but with her not being willing to visit a doctor it is hard to know if it could be an infection or other issue.
Look up involuntary commitment for Illinois. Often referred to as the Baker Act.
Don’t be afraid to get her help. Neither of you sound safe in her current condition.
Are you living with her?
If so for your own safety you need to begin plans to move out.
If she is living with you and she is not competent you need to look for Assisted Living or Memory Care for her. (If she has been diagnosed with dementia MC would be the best option)
BUT first she needs to be medicated for the outbursts, anger, anxiety.
If she does not have dementia and it is mental illness she needs to be properly diagnosed and again medicated for her safety as well as those around her.
The next time she threatens you or to self harm you MUST call 911 and tell the dispatcher that you are afraid she is going to harm herself or harm you or another member of the household.
If she it transported to the hospital you MUST tell the hospital Social Worker that she can not be discharge to home as it is unsafe. You are afraid she will harm you or herself. Do not back down on this!!!
I hate to say it but, and this will be difficult for you,
If she is mentally ill you can not help her she has to be professionally treated.
If she has dementia she needs to be properly diagnosed and for your safety and hers she needs to be placed in Memory Care and to do this she will have to be medicated for the anxiety/outbursts. Finding the correct diagnosis is important.
A little more info in your profile or adding to your post will help with better responses.
You also need to find a safe place. Staying with her could be dangerous and you don't want to wait until something happens to take action.
Good luck!
It is understandable that you think that you have to care for her but you are not equipped.
I'm so sorry for your troubles.
2. Find a support group. NAMI has support groups in every state and a national presence in the US. Their website is https://nami.org. They have a helpline you can call.
3. If there is a Community Services Board in your state, call them.
Please ask her doctor to place a 72 hours psych eval hold on her, so they can appoint a social worker to get her placed. If the doctor refuses, take her to the ER and refuse to take her home with you. If she refuses to go to the ER, call th police hen she threatens you and record it on your phone to prove the threats.
It's not fun or easy, but you must play the game to make placements work.
She will receive an evaluation that she needs.
If you live in her house, find a different place to live and don’t return immediately.
If she lives with you, refuse to accept her back and state that there isn’t anyone who can care for her at that address and that social services will need to help her find a place to live. That she is a danger to herself and others if she returns to that address.
Your priority is to yourself.
I strongly suggest that all of your mother's medical professionals be called in to evaluate her health, safety and competency.
Ideally, a person over 70 years of age is going to a Geriatric specialist for primary care - not a general internal medicine or family physician. An annual evaluation of your mom's ability to care for herself should be done, and you should receive medical advice on the best treatment and setting for such treatment.
If nothing works, get out. Go to a women's shelter if you have no money. She could kill you or hurt you for life.
Dementia?
Call an ambulance and have her transported to ER.
Read Liz Scheier's book Never Simple about her mentally ill Mother, who, despite decades of her and the entire state resources of New York trying, was never able to be helped. Ultimately you may need to move on your own; report your Mother, then, to APS as a senior at risk. Let the state take guardianship.