I was recently hospitalized for a few days and I texted my sister to let her know. She asked if I wanted her to come to my town, several hours away from her. I said if she wanted to, it would be helpful and she could stay with my mom. My mom was in my room at the hospital and my sister and brother arrived. They planned for my sister to spend the night with my mom and left pretty soon after.
I texted my sister the next asking when they were coming up and she never answered. Eventually my brother texted me and said that my sister had gotten in a fight with my mom and left after 30 minutes and drove back to her house, 4 hours away. As she left, she told my mom she Hopes she (mom) dies and that she's all alone. My sister eventually texted me and said I need to get my phone off her cell plan and that she wants nothing to do with me as I am a connection to our mother. All of this as I am laying in a hospital bed. Any thoughts on this? All she had to do was go to sleep and bring my mom up to the hospital the next day. I didnt ask or pressure her to come. I don't get it.
Best recovery to you 🤗
May be staff be supportive, the treatment easy & the food as tolerable as hospital food can be.
Your mother was in agonizing pain and had dementia back then. You were at the end of your rope with her back in 2018. Surely her conditions have gotten worse over the years and yet the situation remains the same.
Why is she not in a nursing home or a memory care facility?
You say you were hospitalized for a few days. I'm sorry to hear it and I hope you're fully recovered. Surely someone stayed with your mother for those days.
You say your mother was in your hospital room when your brother and sister arrived. How did she get there if she's disabled and has dementia? Who was supposed to elder-sit her in the hospital.
With all due respect to you, I think you've made yourself into a care martyr and you're angry because your sister has not. You've been posting here with basically the same complaining since 2018 yet you take no action to change the caregiving dynamic in your family. Your mother needs to be placed in facility care and you need to make your own life.
Why are you on your sister's cellphone plan? You're an adult. Grow up and go get your own. Your sister should grow up as well and not be so petty with the threats to cut you off the phone plan.
Make some plans for yourself. Your mother should be placed in care so you can make a life for yourself. One where you're not dependent on a sibling for a phone or a sik, aging parent for housing. You deserve to have a life. You've been in this family dynamic for years now. It's time to change it and the change starts with you.
I may have been angry at one point with my siblings for not helping with my mom but I dont think that I am anymore, every one has a choice and I may think its crappy but it's their choice.
My mom is actually doing pretty good, she's had several surgeries to help with her health issues and the dementia has been fairly stable. I moved about eight months ago and we've actually been getting along pretty good since then.
Im going through this with my sister. She had a lousy relationship with our mother and now that our mother is gone she has distanced herself from me.
I don’t know if this can be fixed in your situation. You can try to talk to her. Maybe suggest getting some counseling to try to save your relationship.
In my case I was sad about our rift 30 years ago. We came together to help our parents but after our mother died in June she distanced herself. I’m now apathetic about my relationship with her. It really doesn’t matter to me if she is in my life or not.
I hope you can salvage your relationship with her but don’t hold your breath. Just tell her that you are there for her in case she changes her mind.I hope it works out for you.
I doubt that this is a new condition. Or am I wrong? Did your mother and sister get along all the time and this is some sudden new change? Or has there been ongoing stress between Sis and Mom?
I am sorry, but you can't pick your relatives. Mom and Sis, despite your being hospitalized could not get along, and if mom requires someone with her 24/7 (does she?) then sis was negligent to leave her in that manner because of a bicker.
There is of course nothing we here can do about this. This is something you now know. It is no longer option to speak with sister about your mother, so please do not do so.
I am very sorry. But as they say "them's the facts". Your sis and your mom don't like one another and don't wish to see one another.
Age, experience, parents tend to treat one sibling differently than others.
Sometimes talking to siblings you may even wonder if they where raised in the same house.
You do sound, frustrated but much more emotionally mature than some posters I've read . So kudo's for that, and best of luck.
I hear that!
She obviously wanted to help or wouldn’t have driven 8 hrs to try.
I would give her a pass at this point. You have your own health to deal with and now know that you need a backup plan for mom.
Perhaps when you are well and she has some distance from mom you can let her know you are sorry it didn’t work out. That extreme a reaction makes me think she needs some therapy or perhaps she has a UTI, on some new meds, beginning’s of dementia, menopausal, bipolar or something else leaving her no reserve to deal with her mom.
I remember how you helped with your cousins and aunt and extended family. Am I remembering correctly that you are a social worker? It is not unusual, perhaps common, for those who have dealt with trauma to pass it on to their children. Not that they want to. Your experience with mom is obviously very different from sisters. You, perhaps because of your work, may have had more opportunity to process the little bumps in the road of life. For sure you have had more time with mom.
Get well soon and good to hear from you. It really seems your sis is not in a good place. I would wait and see before writing her off.
You aren’t unreasonable about being fed up with her behavior when you were in trouble, but obviously S was very upset about what was said almost immediately in that meeting with M. A four hour trip in each direction proves that it was a very bad trip for S, and the chances are that M was at least as much at fault.
I dont know if I will try to have a relationship with her in the future. If this is how she treats me when I'm in one of the most vulnerable times of my life than maybe it isn't a relationship worth trying to save.