She believes she is in the family home we grew up in 60 years ago. There are times when she makes reference to her actual house as someplace she used to live. We are planning to sell her house (I have POA) to help pay for her care.
Do I tell what we are selling her house ? If not, when we bring her some of her cherished things from the house, where do we tell her it came from ?
Life will be much easier if you just go along with whatever your sister is saying. If she says the sky is fuchsia, you just say and what a pretty color of fuchsia it is.
And because your sisters brain is broken it really serves no purpose in telling her that you're selling her home.
And when you bring her some of her things(if you feel it's absolutely necessary, as she may not remember them anyway)you can just tell that you found them in the "basement" and you thought she'd might like to enjoy them again, or that they were being fixed or worked on or whatever might fit the bill.
They're call "fiblets" and they are little therapeutic lies that will help keep the peace with your loved one.
Again, you must meet her in her world not yours, as they are 2 totally different places.
So true!
GordonC, if they're so inclined, should take a look at a brain scan of someone with dementia-any kind really, see the changes, then think of what it takes for the brain to even function when there are so many gaps. It's pretty amazing. Yet sobering to show how that changes a dementia patient's reality.
Would you like it?
Why bother taking her cherished items that her brain no longer cherishes? And the last thing you need is for those things to trigger memories of the house you’re going to sell, if such a trigger is possible.
The best thing you could do is to let her be who she is now. Keep your fond memories of who she once was. But keep them to yourself.
I wish you luck on this journey into new territory. It is what it is, and what it is today will be different than tomorrow.
Overall, she did ok, however while sitting there and looking out the window, she saw several people coming in that that she recognized as being there before.
I said "You remembered them"? Her response was "Yes, I have a good memory"! Now, not reacting to that statement required a great deal of self-control!
She also thought the waitress was her sister because her name was Joyce. She had never been to the restaurant before.
My point is let her believe, it most likely is a comfort for her. There is no harm in letting her think this. As for the things, just say, we brought them here from your house to enjoy.
Less is more when dealing with a dementia patient. Don't try and overexplain anything,
Sending support your way!
I'm in several Zoom dementia support groups, and placement is not always easy per other members with their Loved ones. It seems that your sister has settled into her new home very well.
I'd be careful about bringing in items from her home that might upset the balance her brain has established with dementia. Or wait until there may be some stress in her stay there and introduce the items as comforting reminders to her-that you brought up from the basement or attic or garage or back room.... ; )
Actually, she's in a good place memory wise. She thinks she's in the old family home where there are some good memories. Leave it at that. Her actual house is just a by-gone memory and the current 'old home' thought is okay with her.
Sell the house so she can stay where she is as long as she can without disrupting her memory status. Having to move can cause a downward spiral with dementia.
Why tell her you are selling the house.
If she is convinced that the house she is now living in is her family house and you tell her you are selling the family house she may think she is going to have to move.
Let her live in her reality it is doing no harm.
As far as "cherished" items has she asked for anything?
If not then do not bring her anything.
if you do want her to have something and she has not asked for it and she wants to know where it came from tell her you got it at an antique shop in town, or say "this old thing, I've had it for years"
If she says she had one like it say "oh, wow tell me more about it"
My mother’s room is positioned such that she can hear dishes clattering in the kitchen and voices in the hall. She often thinks she’s hearing her mother preparing a meal. And the male residents (voices she doesn’t recognize) must be her brothers’ friends or farm help. That brings her comfort.
Other times she believes she is staying in a bed and breakfast. She enjoyed travelling.
She occasionally thinks she’s in the bedroom she rented while attending university and worries that she’ll be late for class.
Thinking she’s home likely means your sister feels content and safe. Don’t take that away from her.
With dementia, you need to understand that a person doesn't have the cognitive ability to discern truth any longer. They are confused as parts of their brain is changing / cells are dying.
* You need to consider when talking or communicating to her HOW SHE INTERPRETS AND UNDERSTANDS, not from your point-of-view / experience.
- Put yourself in her shoes (and brain).
- Keep it very simple.
* You want to keep her calm and at peace as much as possible.
* You 'go along' with what she believes to be true.
* When/if she says something about living (here) at home, you say, "Yes, it is a lovely home, isn't it?" and smile.
* As needed, you 're-direct' the conversation. (I sometimes say, I didn't think of that, I'll get back to you ... I'll need to check into that, good idea".
* Look at Teepa Snow's website. She explains how family members effectively and compassionately communciate with a loved one with dementia. She is one of the country's best in this business.
Gena / Touch Matters
OMG do NOT tell her you are selling her house. She will be upset and what can that possibly benefit? If these items are so cherished, why doesn't she have them now? It is probably not necessary for her to have them at all? Or give them to her now, regardless of whether or not you sell her house.
With Dementia, you need to redirect and use Therapeutic Lying to explain where the items came from.
when you take things tell her theyre new and you brought them for her … which you did.
dont tell her youre selling the house … shell probably think it’s the one where she is now and be sad and apprehensive.
help her be happy.
think about how you would feel if someone kept telling you the same thing over and over even if you wouldnt remember it.
Peace = let her tell you what she thinks it is and agree.
Been there done that.
My daddy was sooo upset where he was he wanted his money all out of the bank I told him he could not have it that it might get stolen so he told me to hide it under the house so I took a picture of some random box under the house and showed it to him and he was satisfied and he never asked for it again. Whatever brings them peace, if not you will be arguing forever.