He is on hospice, which can be done at home. They are doing nothing at nursing home that we can't do at home. She just doesn't want to be caregiver which I can do & have hired people to help. I want to take him home with only days to live. How can I with her refusing? Do I have time to get POA revoked? I have witnesses family and non family that will sign saying they knew him to say he wanted to die at home.
I just have to say though, Hospice at home is not like it is in LTC. At home the family has to be more hands on because the Nurse only comes to evaluate not to do care. An aide, just to bathe and maybe give the family members a breather. In my state, someone has to be with them 24/7. Maybe sister found she couldn't take time off from work to be 24/7 care giver. Employers are not always sympathetic to employees problems.
In the LTC, when Hospice is not there, the LTC staff takes over.
Let me ask, do you think dad is aware of his surroundings? Might he simply be aware that his needs are being cared for and perhaps that his family is around him? Isn't that "home" in the end, the loving arms of family? I hope you can find a way to get past this, even if you can't get to accepting this as perhaps the better situation it sounds like spending so much time and energy trying to change things now will only take away from the opportunity to just send time with him now without having to worry about anything other than that. I do understand where you are coming from and how difficult this is but my guess is the last thing dad wants is for you and your sister to be fighting too, I bet given the choice he would choose to pass where he is over leaving his children at odds with each other over him.
Sending good energy and love to all of you at this time.
I didnt fight with her. I did beg & plead my case to bo avail. She just ignored me. I stayed 24/7 until he passed. I was only one with him. I told both & they didnt come. I also asked funeral home to wait till they got there. My sister's reply was "just let them take him". My brother's reply was "what time do we make arrangements ". He worked until the time we made arrangements. Sadly they were both just waiting on him to die & were very selfish. I have no regrets & can sleep peacefully at night knowing I did all I could do.
A picture on the wall?
Definition: Resign oneself
accept that something undesirable cannot be avoided.
synonyms: reconcile oneself to, become resigned to, become reconciled to, have no choice but to accept, come to terms with, learn to live with, get used to the idea of; give in to the inevitable, grin and bear it
"we resigned ourselves to a long wait"
patient, long-suffering, uncomplaining, forbearing, tolerant, stoical, philosophical, unprotesting, reconciled, fatalistic;
acquiescent, compliant, unresisting, nonresistant, passive, submissive, subdued, docile, phlegmatic;
You can do this.
This is very very difficult for all if us. Your parent is most likely not going to be lazarus. Hard to accept, but very true.
I don't mean to be unkind, but I do mean to be realistic. Take care if yourself. Peace to to, your Dad. You will make it through this. We will help you. Take care.
Enjoy your dad where he is while you can.
Go stay near your Dad and give him the love and support you would give him if he were in your home. You can even probably sleep in his room if you want.
(When you need a full night’s sleep, however, you can go home and rest).
This is is such an emotionally difficult time. The physical labor required is backbreaking. Enjoy being with your Dad and appreciate —1. The fact that you are not caring for him in your home is not your fault, and 2. The “being together” is the important thing. (The location is secondary).
I didnt fight with her. I did beg & plead my case to bo avail. She just ignored me. I stayed 24/7 until he passed. I was only one with him. I told both & they didnt come. I also asked funeral home to wait till they got there. My sister's reply was "just let them take him". My brother's reply was "what time do we make arrangements ". He worked until the time we made arrangements. Sadly they were both just waiting on him to die & were very selfish. I have no regrets & can sleep peacefully at night knowing I did all I could do.
There comes a point when it can take a whole village to care for one person, even during hospice care. There is a lot involved with hospice, and with hospice and a nursing home comes experience which the family caregivers do not have.
Now, time to work as a team with your sister. One doesn't just decide on a moment's notice to move Dad into a nursing home, your sister had very good reasons for doing this. Finding out why may clear your head, and you may find yourself agreeing with her.
Moving Dad from Hospice could be very traumatic for all involved, especially him. If he is on IV’s or oxygen, all those supplies will need to be moved. That includes his hospital bed and anything else he requires. Home Hospice Care will need to be set up. Medical transport will have to be arranged. All this takes time. While you are arguing with your sister and trying to get Dad moved and your home set up, you will be missing the chance to spend precious time with your father. I’m sure Dad is attached to his home, but it’s just a building, really. Right now, he’s more attached to you.
I suggest you stop arguing with your sister the POA and concentrate on making your father's end of life more pleasant. Decorate his room with some photos or knickknacks from his home, visit and talk with him about past good times or family members, rub lotion on his arms and legs, etc. Maybe bring his siblings or cousins for a visit if they are old enough to have transportation challenges.