She is the baby in our family of 8! Dad, Mom and 6 children!! I came here to ask for a little bit of help. My dad got sick when she was a baby and needed around the clock care! So if I wasn’t taking care of him, I was watching my two little sisters!! You can say I helped raise both of my little sisters!! ! I spoiled them rotten!! As they got older and I got married and had my own kids we drifted apart!! When my marriage fell apart they took my ex-husband side and that is when we went our separate ways!! We are civil to each other when we are together but I don’t go out of my way to include her in my life!! Now that she is very sick and close to death, when I go visit her you can tell she doesn’t care if I come to see her or not!! What makes it harder is my other little sister is ALWAYS there and never gives us anytime alone! So it is a very awkward and no one really talks!! I need anyone who has been in this position or a similar one to please share with me how you overcame this! I don’t feel like I owe her an apology for anything and I am not mad at her and never have been!! I would just like to have a relationship that is comfortable for the two of us before I lose her! Hel me out guys🩷🩷
This is now not about you. This is about your sister and what she wants. You tell us that you feel you want to resolve this before your sister passes. To be honest that is almost certainly not possible. Deathbed reconciliation scenes are things of movies, not of real life. To be honest I as an RN never really witnessed one. I think at this point your presence, which seems to be something YOU, not she needs, is disturbing to your sis.
Were it me I would repeat to sis exactly what you told us:
I would tell her
"Sis, I am so sorry you are having to leave your family before your time, and so sorry for all you have gone through. I regret we lost one another some years ago. I want only to tell you that I have so many many beautiful memories of our early years. You taught me then so much of joy and caring. I will carry those memories with me until I die.
I feel now that you are not especially comfortable with my visits. I don't want to burden you now, but I want you to know I love you, I have always had good thoughts of you and will always. And I would be overjoyed if you want to see me. If you do please reach out to me."
That's it. For is that not now all you want for her? A peaceful end? She was wrong to think she could interfere and should interfere and take sides in a failing marriage. You don't need to hear that from her now, do you? It would be very sad I think to discuss all that trauma now. You have lost years together and that's her fault. She has paid a price. You have. It is over and it is done and soon so is her life. There is no going back. There is only a simple acceptance that we all have limitations and imperfections.
My heart goes out to you. When we have unresolved issues it complicated our mourning. But such is life. I hope for peace for your poor sis, and a deep understanding in your own heart. Along with precious memories of your earlier lives.
You don't want to leave anything left unsaid, as that can lead to feeling guilty down the road.
So if you don't feel you can properly express your thoughts to your dying sister, perhaps it best that you write it down in a letter that she can read at her leisure, and you will have peace knowing that you said what needed to be said, and can move forward in a healthy manner after she dies, knowing that you got everything off of your chest.
I pray for healing and restoration in this situation, and for God's peace to be with you all.