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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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It's the battle of wills. You must be one to win. Without knowing what you've tried, here's a suggestion.
Hire a female caregiver who is good at bathing and have her come in at least once a week to help your wife.
Ignore ignore ignore any protests that your wife may put forth. She needs a shower or some sort of bath.
This will most likely become a permanent issue but you're the one in charge of caring for your wife at the moment, so take the bull-by-the-horns and make it happen.
Weekly, I get my mother into the shower and she never forgets to tell me how "mean" I am. It used to trigger me because the last thing I want is to be criticized or told I'm "mean" when I've sacrificed so much to care for my mother in my home for the past 5 1/2 years, but now I just agree that I'm "mean" and move along.
My mother is now very mentally childlike and just like a child, she will fuss and whine at anything that she doesn't want to do. And like a child, she doesn't have the mental cognition to recognize what is not good for her. That's now our job as their caregiver.
First, do you have grab bars, a slip proof mat and a shower bench in the shower for her so she feels safe? Then have you yourself helped her in the shower and proceeded to wash her? When my late husband was still mobile, I had to not only help him in the shower, but also had to wash him up while he was in there. Yes, I got a little wet, but at least I knew that he was clean. If you can't do that, then it's time to hire a shower aide to come assist her. Best wishes to you both.
This is one of the most common questions on this forum.
The first step it to make the shower safe for her: a slip-proof mat, handles, a shower seat, a hand-held shower head. Also, lower hygience expectations (daily showers are no more). And, consider installing a bidet attachment to the toilet to help her stay clean in between showering.
Like Southiebella, our family solved it by hiring a neighbor who was also an experienced caregiver. At first she resisted Shirley but because she had a calm method (no matter what my Aunt dealt out) eventually showers were much less stressful and we even upped them to twice a week.
Other strategies were to tell my Aunt that company was coming or she had a doctor's appointment. But eventually that stopped working.
Others have tried making it more like a "spa" experience with a warmed room, soft music, scented candles and plenty of towels.
Southiebella is correct in that this may be a permanent challenge so just be aware you may need to switch tactics as needed. I wish you success!
I am 89 and live by myself. My bathtub is small and narrow and dangerous to enter and exit. I never use it, never get in. Since years I clean myself once a day completely with very large wipes which are saturated with almost 20 of elements which are contained in quality medical lotions. After that I appply medical-geriatric skin cream. 13x12 inch wipes which are as thick as washcloth. 20 per package. (HERO Full Body Wipes).
My wife gets a fear attack whenever i mention her taking a shower. It takes a lot of effort on my part to convince her that she will not fall or slip. She has a shower chair, non slip mat, grab bars and shower wand, plus I have to get in with her. She won't let anyone else do it . Once a week is what she will allow. I must remember that it's all about her. I do tease her sometines about how she smells and she seems to respond to that. She never wants to smell bad, so I use that to my advantage. It's just one of the many challenges that we caregivers go through. I count it a blessing to be able to provide her with what she needs, at this time in her life. I take joy in serving her. We have been married for 46 years. She tells me every day that she loves me and appreciates me for the care that i give her. I am so blessed to be her caregiver with all that it comes with, including her constant repeat questions and memory issues. Patience, Patience and more Patience is the key to suvival.
Pondlily: This is a very common question here on the forum. Your DW (Dear Wife) may be afraid of falling in the shower. Please place grab bars in the shower and obtain a shower chair so that she can sit. Have handy a washcloth and towel and make sure the bathroom is at a comfortable temperature.
Having an OT suggest equipment to make showering safer can be useful & add peace of mind (for you both).
Maybe with extra equipment, shower stool, long handled hose handle, extra heater etc you will be able to manage a while longer on your own. But if still a battle, consider the next step.
Adding help.
Yes this involves someone coming into your house. A big step.
But hiring an Aide for personal care from a home Care Agency often becomes necessary. 2-3 times a week sets a good routine. Many people keep their 'for company' manners & won't make as much fuss for non-family.
More help can be added as time goes on eg cleaning, companionship/sitting (when you go out), meals deliveries - things to help you (as dementia unfortunately progresses).
Also, purchase two pairs of shower slippers so she can wear a pair during her shower and another pair that is dry when she exits.
Example: (COPY AND PASTE THIS VERY LONG URL) https://www.amazon.com/Slipper-Non-Slip-Slippers-Bathroom-Sandals/dp/B07P2X3X6J/ref=asc_df_B07P2X3X6J/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=67586928621&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279
My husband refused daily showers so I convince him four times a week, not easy either because some days he insults me!! We have been together 58 years I am 84 years old but I will keep him home as long as I can handle it, and yes patience is the key for everything good luck to everyone that is a caregiver
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Hire a female caregiver who is good at bathing and have her come in at least once a week to help your wife.
Ignore ignore ignore any protests that your wife may put forth. She needs a shower or some sort of bath.
This will most likely become a permanent issue but you're the one in charge of caring for your wife at the moment, so take the bull-by-the-horns and make it happen.
Weekly, I get my mother into the shower and she never forgets to tell me how "mean" I am. It used to trigger me because the last thing I want is to be criticized or told I'm "mean" when I've sacrificed so much to care for my mother in my home for the past 5 1/2 years, but now I just agree that I'm "mean" and move along.
My mother is now very mentally childlike and just like a child, she will fuss and whine at anything that she doesn't want to do. And like a child, she doesn't have the mental cognition to recognize what is not good for her. That's now our job as their caregiver.
The hardest job we never wanted.
When my late husband was still mobile, I had to not only help him in the shower, but also had to wash him up while he was in there. Yes, I got a little wet, but at least I knew that he was clean.
If you can't do that, then it's time to hire a shower aide to come assist her.
Best wishes to you both.
The first step it to make the shower safe for her: a slip-proof mat, handles, a shower seat, a hand-held shower head. Also, lower hygience expectations (daily showers are no more). And, consider installing a bidet attachment to the toilet to help her stay clean in between showering.
Like Southiebella, our family solved it by hiring a neighbor who was also an experienced caregiver. At first she resisted Shirley but because she had a calm method (no matter what my Aunt dealt out) eventually showers were much less stressful and we even upped them to twice a week.
Other strategies were to tell my Aunt that company was coming or she had a doctor's appointment. But eventually that stopped working.
Others have tried making it more like a "spa" experience with a warmed room, soft music, scented candles and plenty of towels.
Southiebella is correct in that this may be a permanent challenge so just be aware you may need to switch tactics as needed. I wish you success!
Either that, or take her to the front yard and hose her down like a Golden Retriever.
Maybe with extra equipment, shower stool, long handled hose handle, extra heater etc you will be able to manage a while longer on your own. But if still a battle, consider the next step.
Adding help.
Yes this involves someone coming into your house. A big step.
But hiring an Aide for personal care from a home Care Agency often becomes necessary. 2-3 times a week sets a good routine. Many people keep their 'for company' manners & won't make as much fuss for non-family.
More help can be added as time goes on eg cleaning, companionship/sitting (when you go out), meals deliveries - things to help you (as dementia unfortunately progresses).
Example: (COPY AND PASTE THIS VERY LONG URL)
https://www.amazon.com/Slipper-Non-Slip-Slippers-Bathroom-Sandals/dp/B07P2X3X6J/ref=asc_df_B07P2X3X6J/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=67586928621&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=351503187726&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11347087233970495887&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9033425&hvtargid=pla-751140107279