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We can never get ahold of her, when we go to see her (45 min drive) we take the chance of her not being home - which is often. Is there a phone app that will make the phone flash or is louder than normal? We have put it on the loudest ring tone but it is annoying to her and she keeps wanting it changed back to a music tone (she was a classically trained singer). She thinks she is 50 and doesn't need us to check on her - very frustrating!

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How bad is her hearing? She may need to get a landline and a phone for the hearing impaired. We have an old radio shack phone that has a pretty loud ring. It also has a boost feature so when talking to someone you can get some xtra volume. It also blinks when its ringing. Has an answering machine and the ability to see who called you. Here is one I found on Amazon. Note the top of the handset, pretty sure that is a blinker.

https://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-Amplified-KX-TGM420W-Reduction-Answering/dp/B01LZV2HVG/ref=asc_df_B01LZV2HVG/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=167129669973&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5468842603165681687&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9003829&hvtargid=pla-379021923357&psc=1
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deer2ker May 2022
That is awesome! I may have to just install that so she has no choice. Thank you.
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Mom needs to get her hearing aids adjusted. That's usually the reason why people won't wear them -- because they distort sound too much.

Take her to an audiologist and get the hearing aids dealt with. Otherwise you're just looking to gloss over the actual problem.
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deer2ker May 2022
Thank you - we have tried that with one pair that bothered her like that so she got some that worked great but she "lost" them hmmmm....
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What is it about hearing aids and dentures? My father just won't use either even though it lowers his quality of life and drives us crazy. Please, God, let me not be so unreasonable if I get old. Anyway, this is a little off the wall, but would she wear her cell phone around her neck? There are cellphone lanyards you can buy.
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deer2ker May 2022
So true lol! No there is NO WAY she would wear it - I'm having a hard enough time getting her to even take her phone - she just doesn't put an importance on it or her hearing aids, but she is missing out on so much
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My mom's hearing aids caused interference with a wireless/cordless land line phone, buzzing and static, so loud it could be heard by others in the room. Hearing aids had to be removed for phone conversations. I don't know if a hard wired/corded phone would fix the problem.

Maybe there is that problem, too?

https://www.amazon.com/Future-Call-Picture-Speakerphone-FC-1007SP/dp/B01JZYSK0S/ref=asc_df_B01JZYSK0S/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198091272190&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6926055698257109316&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9028940&hvtargid=pla-349478348373&psc=1
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deer2ker May 2022
I am thinking about installing a land line - that may be the only answer at this point. Thank you
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If your mom uses a cellphone, it may be time for her to get hearing aids that are Bluetooth compatible.

I have 2 hearing aids. I hated to talk on my cellphone, & I couldn't hear it ringing, anyway. My landline rang loud enough, but I had to put it on speaker to carry on a conversation..

My life changed when I got Bluetooth compatible hearings aids that pair with my cellphone: I hear the ring & conversation through my hearing aids, & I can adjust the volume. (I have it set to answer all calls, except when I'm in the car - then it goes through my Apple carplay - Android has something similar). The aids also have "general" and "restaurant" settings.

I realize that hearing aids are expensive, & this is an add-on, albeit not too expensive. I'm lucky because my Medicare advantage plan covers some of the hearing aid costs. It was well worth it because it improved my quality of life, not only on the phone, but in other situations, like restaurants, theaters, even watching TV.

I don't think you can get Bluetooth capability as an after-market purchase. If new hearing aids are out of your price range, then getting a hearing-assisted landline might be your best option, but I can't tell you enough what a life-changer Bluetooth technology is in hearing aids.
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deer2ker May 2022
I would LOVE this but she keeps losing her hearing and amplifying aids. Maybe on purpose. One time she said she looks old with them :/
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I'd tell her this: Mom, if you refuse to get your hearing aids adjusted properly and you don't answer your phone, we won't come visit you. We need you to answer your phone and let us know you'll be HOME before we take a 45 minute drive to come see you. Either arrange to see the audiologist, or call ME to let ME know you'll be home.

Allowing the elder to call ALL the shots ALL the time means that you'll wind up taking long drives and arriving at an empty home quite often.

A phone that flashes, I've found, doesn't work b/c my mother never saw the flashing lights and/or didn't realize why her phone was flashing. Your mother already has a loud ringer on her phone but finds it 'too annoying' to keep on the loudest tone, so there's that issue.

You have to call the shots now. Answer your phone or we don't come see you mother. If she wants company, she may change her mind and become reasonable all of a sudden.

Good luck.
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deer2ker May 2022
She actually tells us not to worry about her - she is very independent and we go days even weeks without seeing her although we try to call her every day. It is very frustrating. We try to get together with her and if she answers the phone, she tells us she is busy but if we don't see her, she tells her sister that we never come by to see her (playing victim even when we point out that she has over a dozen missed calls from her daughters to no avail - sigh) We love her very much and realize this is part of the aging process and she is afraid so we are trying even harder. Dad's been gone for 12 years and she is still trying to prove herself. We are sad.
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Here are directions on how to make an iPhone flash for an incoming call. I imagine that other models support this, as well.

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT210065
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deer2ker May 2022
Thank You! I am going to try this
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My DH wore analog hearing aids since he was 4. He did not like the digital. When I said that to his audiologist she explained that digital does not sound like a human voice. It takes at least two weeks for the brain to adjust to digital. So very hard for people to get used to especially if used to analog. My husbands hearing aid is as close to analog as u can get.

My BIL loves his bluetooth aids but they are expensive. For my husband to get an add-on for his aid, it was going to cost another $400. Since he is almost deaf, he does not use a cellphone. So before you put money out on bluetooth, find out why Mom won't wear her aids.

Has she been back since her first fitting.? Digital need to be tweaked. Adjustments are all done by computer. There is a baseline and the volume up and down are set according to that baseline. Maybe that needs adjusting.

The mold, they can not fit right and will make the inside of the ear sore. They can be shaved down to fit better. Molds also shrink with age and then don't fit right. Thats where whistling comes in. Tubing on the over the ear models can be too short or too long and rub the ear. Tubing also gets brittle with age and crack.

Further loss of hearing means new adjustments.

A very small ball of wax can clog tubing and make it hard to hear.
Hearing aids need constant maintenance. At least checked out yearly to get the most from them.

Yes, hearing aids can interfere with cordless phones or any landline phone but the ones we have are for the hearing impaired and as such are hearing aid compatable. As are cellphones. In the settings there's a switch to turn on the hearing aid feature.

Another thing the audiologist recommended, use the speaker option on the phone. Seems people with hearing aids hear better using the "speaker".
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deer2ker May 2022
Thank you, She had prescription hearing aids but kept losing them (maybe ?) $6k down the tube, so we got hearing amplifiers and she actually liked them okay but keeps losing them. I personally think she is vain and doesn't want to look like she needs hearing aids but she misses out on so much - daydreams when we are all in conversation around her - because she doesn't have them in and makes excuses why she doesn't have them.
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Could you discuss a regular check-in time every day/2nd day/week?

I know someone who called their elderly father at his breakfast time as this is when he was in the same room as his landline phone. Otherwise, never heard it.

Another sends a simple cheery txt via a messenger service about the same time each morning. The beauty of those WhatsApp/Messenger type things is you can see the little tick or whatever so you know she has seen it. Least she is alive that day 😉 although it won't let you know when she will be home!

She may prefer txt to calls?

Send you a 😇👍 in return. Or a cheeky little emoji of her planned day? ⛷️🏄‍♀️💃 😁
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