I left my job for a temp job to move in with my brother when our father had strokes. My temp job ended, I got coronavirus and moved back to my home several hours away. I was there for 6 months. My brother was nice while I was there caring for our dad. He said I was always welcome. Now that I have been back home for 3 months he is not returning my calls. I have been trying to reach him or his wife to make arrangements to visit our father and he is ignoring me. My father is still in his home being cared for by them now. He doesn't have a phone any longer and they don't take him anywhere except to the doctor's offices. This week I called his friend who went to sit with my dad one night and they called me and let me speak with him. I asked him if he wanted me to come visit and he said most definitely. I told him that had not been able to get ahold of my brother to confirm what weekend would be good to either give them a break or just visit (whichever they preferred). He said he would tell my brother to call me because he wants to see me. However, dad is still in their home. If my brother (who has power of attorney over finances and medical) does not wish me to come visit my father what can I do? If he never returns my calls what can I do? Everything was fine until he realized after I recovered from coronavirus that I was not going to move back into their home. I have to find another job now also as the temp one I had while staying with them for 6 months ended. I don't have a spouse to pay my bills and don't want to live with them forever as I have my own home and daughter in college and my family at home needed me while I was gone those 6 months but felt my brother needed my help so stayed there for half a year and told my daughter it wouldn't be forever and when I got sick I was at home visiting for a week and contracted the virus and was so weak afterwards that I decided it was time to go ahead and move back home. I think my brother is mad at me for moving back home. That's the only reason I can think of for him no longer returning calls or texts or letting me know when I can drive the 4 hours to come visit with dad for the weekend. Is this legal since it's his home and if so what if any recourse is available to me? I even asked my dad when I came to visit if he would like to just drive around in the car to get out of the house and he said YES. He never gets to leave the house unless medically necessary for appts. My brother turned his car back in, got rid of his phone and I have no access to him except through my brother.
Either way, I think you should accept your brother's right to be upset while honoring your equal right to do what you want/need to do.
Like the poster below said, I would show up at his house and make him face the music. Your brother is being very childish, and it's time to call his bluff. You might want to also sneak another phone in for your father, so he can contact you whenever he wants to, and vice a versa.
It's very sad that things have come to this, but unfortunately it's usually when family crisis' arise that we get to see family members true colors. I wish you the very best in getting this unfortunate situation resolved.
If they visit and tell you that they cannot help, then I honestly cannot imagine WHAT you can do. As you said, your Dad currently lives with your brother. If he is the POA he is somewhat the lion at the gate. You can write offering to help, to give respite care, to shop for them, to cook for them; I cannot honestly imagine what else you can do, and hope others have some better advice for you.
I would probably just show up at his door before I did this and ask him if all of this is to much and dads living situation needs to change. It may be overwhelming for them without your daily help and they don't know how to change it.
Be open to a facility if you are not willing to take dad home with you. Situations like this MUST WORK for everyone involved or they don't work. You coming for a weekend isn't enough to make them keep him if they are experiencing burnout.
Also, seems Dad is still competent. As such your brothers POA, unless immediate, is not in effect. Meaning, if Dad wants to see you, brother can't stop u from seeing him. Your option is getting a hotel room. If brother does not want u in his home there is no reason you cannot pick Dad up and take him out for the day. Hotels usually have nice common areas where you can sit and talk even have dinner there or somewhere close.
Now brother. You need a sit down with him. Tell him you understand caring for Dad is not easy and you will help as much as you can. But, you are not giving up your home and you need to work f/t because you are single and you need to consuder your future SS earnings. You can come down and care for Dad some weekend giving them a break. Maybe if you can get vacation time built up, you can care for him for a week while they go off somewhere. Does Dad have a house, assets? Maybe the house can be sold and Dad placed in an AL.
To me, you living with brother and wife is not a good mix anyway, Why, because its their house and "her" home, her rules. Seems you have been independent for a while. Two woman cannot live in the same house when one of them owns it. You would always be an outsider.