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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Agree on days of the week. Alternate days. Parents' expectations have to be reasonable and your duty is to watch over them, not sacrifice your entire life to care for them 24/7. Once it gets to the point your health is failing, both mental and physical, you call in the pros. You either get the MD to order in home help to keep an eye on Dad while you go to dialysis with Mom or you and sibs agree on a place to move them to. A family meeting would be good.
What to do? Talk to your sibling would be step one. Topics of conversation would include:
what the 'work for parents' entails how much time the respective siblings have available, once their own lives are taken into account (and don't skimp yourself!) what kind of shortfall remains to be filled in order to meet the parents' care needs, and how this should be supplied and paid for. E.g. - trips for dialysis could be done by cab, could they? How much, who's paying? Sitting with your father while your mother's out could be done by an HCA - again, how much, where might you find a nice one, who's paying? Etc etc etc.
So, I like Pam's family meeting idea. But don't include your mother in ***all*** of the discussion because she'll probably say she can manage and doesn't want to be a burden. You need to be a bit canny about it, sweep away the fluff and get down to brass tacks.
Adding to above...if they can't afford the time, then ask them to contribute financially for hiring help. That could be CNA, nursing care, companion care, housekeeping, a few hours a week, maybe respite care for them a weekend or a week every now and then.
I'm keeping track of days I take off to spend with my mom. I've told my brother, we'll even out when the estate is divided up. It won't be a lot of money in the scope of things, but I keep track of days and all expenses. He has agreed and chosen not to visit or help. I'm billing at my salaried rate since I take off from my job.
MG12 I didn't know whether to laugh or cry about the sibling who brought the wish list. Oh my word! - was he grinning and rubbing his hands, too??? "No, dear, we said 'help Mom' not 'help yourself…'"
Reply to momsgirl12. Thanks i wish i had a sis like you. My sis is wealthy and doesnt feel any obligations tomy folks or me. Sometimes people who idolize wealth think only about their world and needs thus feeling superior. It sucks. However when the payoff time comes they show up. Thanks. Their are so many terms etc in a trust do you think having an attorney is wise
MG, I've got a cousin like that. Makes you wish they could see themselves, doesn't it? What I find really depressing is their unshakeable conviction that everybody shares their values - they do honestly think they're normal, only brilliant. What can you do except roll your eyes and shake your head. Sigh.
Sorry, Bobcare, instead of straying of topic what I meant to say was: yes, getting legal advice is almost always a good idea. Only choose your attorney with care, ideally through the personal recommendation of someone whose judgement you think is sound. Some lawyers can be too clever by half and create more problems than they solve. K.I.S.S. almost always applies!
I'm sorry to hear that your sister thinks she's above the humdrum world of elder care. Don't let your understandable irritation with her sucky attitude stop you from persisting. Keep chucking occasional suggestions her way - the more specific the better, e.g. Mother is having dialysis on Friday, it would be nice if you could visit on Saturday to cheer her up - to give her the means to straighten out. Your parents would benefit if she ever did take you up on it; and the very worst that can happen is nothing at all.
Meanwhile, research sources of help, cost them, and get a plan into action. Sister or no sister, you're still only one person and can NOT do all this alone.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
what the 'work for parents' entails
how much time the respective siblings have available, once their own lives are taken into account (and don't skimp yourself!)
what kind of shortfall remains to be filled in order to meet the parents' care needs, and how this should be supplied and paid for. E.g. - trips for dialysis could be done by cab, could they? How much, who's paying? Sitting with your father while your mother's out could be done by an HCA - again, how much, where might you find a nice one, who's paying? Etc etc etc.
So, I like Pam's family meeting idea. But don't include your mother in ***all*** of the discussion because she'll probably say she can manage and doesn't want to be a burden. You need to be a bit canny about it, sweep away the fluff and get down to brass tacks.
I'm keeping track of days I take off to spend with my mom. I've told my brother, we'll even out when the estate is divided up. It won't be a lot of money in the scope of things, but I keep track of days and all expenses. He has agreed and chosen not to visit or help. I'm billing at my salaried rate since I take off from my job.
I hope he had the grace to blush.
I'm sorry to hear that your sister thinks she's above the humdrum world of elder care. Don't let your understandable irritation with her sucky attitude stop you from persisting. Keep chucking occasional suggestions her way - the more specific the better, e.g. Mother is having dialysis on Friday, it would be nice if you could visit on Saturday to cheer her up - to give her the means to straighten out. Your parents would benefit if she ever did take you up on it; and the very worst that can happen is nothing at all.
Meanwhile, research sources of help, cost them, and get a plan into action. Sister or no sister, you're still only one person and can NOT do all this alone.