Mom is 85 and in need of some financial aid or care. My dad was a WWII (one of the first navy seals), he passed away left my mom a widow in 1962. Mom raised three children and later in life remarried and divorced. The VA has denied assistance and the reason because my mother had remarried. The Assisted living want to provide all kinds of services (the cost are more than she can afford) if mom does not meet nursing home requirements, than I would have to take her into my home. I cannot help mom with all her needs. What can I do? I have called for assistance, and I have been passed from the VA benefits to writing congressman to meeting with nursing home staff, I have called medicaid and I have hit dead ends everywhere, should I hire an attorney? I am lost with all the needs and fiancial burdens. I do not know what to do and it is only getting worse. Moms health is declining and I cannot provide her needs, but I am worried that I may have to do what I can until one of us dies... I love my mother very much and have been her caregiver for years but the burden and financial needs are coming to a head.... Can anyone advise me .. If mom where to live with me I am afraid it would destroy me and my marriage... what should I do... ?? A loving son...
If you can keep her home with help and if you think she has very limited time left (ie months vs. yrs) it might be worth attempting to keep her home. See if you can use family leave to secure your job. Some states NJ and CA have paid family leave for such situations. Most states don't have paid family leave. It isn't your full salary in most cases it could keep you afloat while you render the caregiving needs.
Ask the doctor if your mother can get hospice services. That is generally paid by medicare/medicaid and lifts some of the stress of caregiving off you while helping your mother.
I will pray for you as you make this decision. None of this is easy and as a concerned child you have been doing your best for you mother. Unfortunately we don't have lots of support for primary caregivers.
Elizabeth
It should be at the top of the list to help our elder.
Have you tried your 211 info line, your local Center for Healthy Aging, your Senior Center , Church , Social Service Dept. or your AARP branch ?
I wish I could offer more immediate help for your very urgent concern.
ang
This office can look over your VA .application paperwork (free) and let you know if the VA denial was appropriate. Check with your mom's doctor and have her seen by a geriatric specialist. Check out Hospice. I was Shocked that my mom qualified. She's had her heart condition for decades that got her admitted. There are volunteer sisters (hospice can direct you) and home health care that medicare will pay for if you qualify clinically. Again geriatric specialist and hospice companies know who these people are in your area. Our geriatric specialist became mom's primary care physician and he has social worker's right in his office.
I have no idea if he is any good, but maybe my doctor, Robert Burns in Memphis can advise you or I can ask him for a referral in your area.
Good luck. It's a mess to wade through but if I can do it anyone can. :-)
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