My mom, who wants to die and doesn't want any artificially prolonged procedures, and has stated so in her written wishes, may be encouraged to have a pacemaker. She doesn't want it. Do we go against her wishes or is this not considered artificially prolonging her life?
Some people think that because the doctor's office (not the doctor) makes an appointment that you feel obliged to agree to. Then you show up, and the doctor assumes you're there because you want treatment. You feel like he knows best, so you end up agreeing to it. The doctor will never tell you to stop treatment if he thinks you're there because you want it.
YOU have to put an end to the cycle of doctor visits, and then the endless treatments and advice will finally stop.
I'd ask her PCP for a referral to hospice. It'll take a huge weight off you and your mom.
A year ago, my Mom was diagnosed with a condition that could be treated with surgery. 92 at the time, the surgery would be very risky. I asked her primary care doctor what he would do if it were his mother. He stated he would not recommend doing it. Mom and I did see a specialist, and even he said it would be risky. I asked Mom what she wanted, and she said "No way, Jose." I knew the condition could worsen at any time, and possibly take her life. It came down to quality of life, which she was enjoying. She was 93 when she died of the condition in January, which was triggered by other issues that had developed. She did not suffer, and I am so happy I had, as her son and caregiver, an extra year of seeing and hearing that wonderful woman.
If she doesn't want it that really ought to be the end of the conversation.
But to dot the i's and cross the t's: who is recommending the pacemaker, what is the rationale, and has this all been explained to your mother?
Incidentally, cremation funeral homes will charge a minimum fee of $75.00 for removing the pacemaker off a dead body.
My friend had a pacemaker or a Defibulator can't remember which but she had a hard time with it in her 60s. I think its an incision and the pacemaker is slipped under the muscle and there are leads. Her leads became twisted.There is some discomfort pain with it. She will be put under.
Really at 99 I don't know why a doctor would even recommend it. I would not put my parent thru it at that age.
None of us wants to lose a parent but we are mortal. Your Mom is 99! She has lived a long life. She is tired, let her go.
JoAnn….I got the chills when you said one can hear the pacemaker trying to bring the dead back to life, even after they are gone. It’s like the worst science fiction show, and I never want to be the star.
I was brought up being told nothing about my parent’s after life wishes, no clue what they want for a funeral, really, and I don’t ask. I was told decades ago, that I wouldn’t be on any legal papers, allowing me to decide for my mom, cause I would “let her go”, maybe too soon, and back then, she wanted to stay until God officially took her “home”. It hurt less when I was younger, cause it was untrue. I do for me, what I want, but I am honorable and would follow my parent’s wishes. What I been doing, no matter my feelings, opinions for a very long time.
My kids know they best let me go, my husband as well, and pretty much anyone who knows me. I don’t need to be here forever. Your advice has helped me often over the years, thank you.
Like I have said, this will not go on forever. At Medicare enrollment, everyone should be given a choice. An account. Medicare should pay for more assisted care or mc options but they don’t.
Make Medicare funding available to those who don’t spend hundreds of thousands, millions, on your third line exotic treatments for your cancer, your cardiovascular disease, or whatever, the less that should be available for al mc that should already exist. If I were past 70 and there was a choice, I’d choose the mc or al option,
They were both there accepting awards as surgeons themselves.
They could use the "Doctors are concerned...." to try to convince you or even her to go ahead with it.
im a firm believer that man’s medicine gets in the way of Gods plan…
Although pacemaker was input when not conscious after a heart attack - no life directive had been completed.
On waking, she let the Doctor have it. Who do you think you are, playing God? It was my time to go. The Doctor explained they must attempt to save life unless instructed to not resuscitate.
She signed that DNR as soon as legal.
Family then knowing her wishes, respected them after that.
Age shouldn't matter.. but it does. If this was a 42yo with depression, wanting no intervention then a Pschololgist may be needed. But at the wonderal advanced age of 99, I personally, would honour the lady's wishes. She is choosing Mother Nature.
Best of luck!