My 85 year old father is explicit-messaging a number of Facebook accounts offering scam “dating” with voluptuous women (all young and rich go figure) or celebrities. I have tried and tried to explain to him that they’re not real. I’ve reported them, I’ve called the (non-emergency) police number, I’ve shown him how easy it is to make a fake account and put whatever pics on you like. Nothing gets through. He’s buying gift cards and sending money. He’s married - mom and dad’s 60th anniversary is next month. I’ve also tried to explain that if he wouldn’t have that conversation in front of mom it’s not a respectable conversation to be having. He says he’s “never stepped out on her” and that’s what should count. So there are two issues: he’s sending money and he’s not conducting himself respectfully. And now mom has told him she’s leaving. Is there anything I can do to protect him? Or mom?
Dependent on how money is help you and your mom need a good sitdown now. Whatever accounts she can move into her name only with you POD and with you assigned as HER POA, get moved at ONCE and all together. Dad's name is off them. You cannot do anything about the account HIS SS or pensions go automatically into until you get a conservatorship.
If your father isn't examined for executive functioning and for dementia by a GOOD NEURO-PSYC MD then that needs to be done. The Attorney can get a judge to order this during conservatorship hearing.
The important thing now is getting ANY MONEY OUT OF HIS CONTROL. It will ALL be gone. There is something about these scams that the elder once in cannot back out because his entire BEING seems at risk as being "an idiot" if he admits this is a scam. Do research on AARP using search bar for scams. Educate yourself.
If you cannot retrieve money, that is to say if things are only in Dad's name you might consider calling APS and asking for options, as an elder law attorney and conservatorship is going to be expensive. However, not as expensive as giving Dad free rein here.
Act quickly. This cannot be allowed to continue. Close down any credit in his name. Put an alert or close down credit. Lord knows what he is giving them of private information.
Good luck. I hope you will update us if you have success. We have on AC seen dreadful things happen with this.
If no one is the PoA for your Dad, then this is a bigger problem.
Does he care that your Mom is leaving? If so, I would leverage this to convince him to 1) assign a PoA, and then 2) have the cognitive exam immediately following in hopes that the PoA would then be active.
Like Alva has suggested, your Mom needs to protect her portion of their assets, asap.
Is he doing this on his phone or some other device? Maybe that device gets "broken" or lost?