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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
She is capable of doing some things but leaves everything for us to do. She seems to enjoy ordering us around and making us wait until she finishes her TV program, or eating before we can do the things that need to be done.
I think I would resent someone interupting a show I was watching and insisting that I do something or other right now. Certainly I would want to finish eating before I did whatever it was the needed to be done.
Is Mother (or MIL) dismayed about her declining health and all the control she has lost over her own life. Is she asserting independence in ways that she can?
I wonder if it is time for a heart-to-heart conversation about what is expected of Mother. What does she think she can contribute? Can the two of you work out a reasonable schedule that isn't based on excuses and that also respects her need to control her day?
After you have come to an agreement about what is expected -- an agreement that she has had some input into and isn't just imposed on her -- could you just not pick up the task if she fails to do it?
I think you want to get to a point where you don't feel like her servant and that she expects to be waiting on hand and foot, and where she doesn't feel she has no control over her life, and she is supposed to not only supposed to do what you say but also when you say so, without regard to what she is doing. If she is living with you, having a mutually respectful relationship will worth the trouble it may take to establish it.
Personally, I'd get my own place. Then she can either become self-reliant or remain a slavedriver with a live-in maid as a doormat. All she'd have to do is ring a bell.
If she's living with you, a realistic "To Do" list and a calendar on the fridge listing who's responsible for what might help. She can sweep around, help with the dishes and fold the laundry while watching TV. If that doesn't work give her a list of ALs to pick from.
In the meantime, a heart-to-heart chat is in order. Resentment festers and makes us do regrettable things, so let her know how you feel without being crude & crass.
Your mom ( I assume that's who we are talking about) is not well. It's something that we need to remind ourselves constantly. We expect our ill parents to be thinking and acting just like they always did or at least to act the way we do, that is not going to happen. My mom is very ill and I care for her in my home alone, with the help of Pathways Home Health Care. My mother can be very demanding at times at I think that sometimes If she hears me walking somewhere in the house she deliberately begins to cough or moan. It's very annoying! Also, when I cook she always seem to want something that I didn't cook, but I no longer cook it for her. Dinner is what it is! I discovered that I had to begin to say no to unreasonalble demands. It was really taking a toll on me, and now I don't feel so stressed anymore. I try to be very delicate when I say no, and she is not happy about it, but it is final. I try at the end of the day to always tell her that I love her, because I do, and I am grateful for every day that I have with her. Good Luck, and try to be patient with her she is having a difficult time right now too.
My father is like this. He was doing it at all hours of the day. But I have restricted him to not doing it after 10:00 pm so no more being woken in the middle of the night. He has a list that he wants done before I go to bed. But I have yet to be able to stop him during the day. He is a complete invalid so when he yells or blows the fog horn he insists on having I come running but sometime it are things he could have done himself like he lost the remote ... he was sitting on it. But I am afraid that after years I have gotten use to it. I strongly suggest lists and having designated times that you will do things.
Sorry missed the first part of the question. I agree with above comments take what she is capable of make an agreement and ask her to help. I mean if she is capable I am sure you would appreciate her helping with folding laundry and other things. But it really needs to be based on what she is physically capable of. Ask her to please help with what she can and lay down a schedule. I really know how you feel and it can sometimes feel like you are nothing more than a door mat. I wish you all the luck and hope that things work out
Thank you all for your suggestions. I will try them and see if they work out for me. I'll write later to give more detailed, situation background, and ask another question.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think I would resent someone interupting a show I was watching and insisting that I do something or other right now. Certainly I would want to finish eating before I did whatever it was the needed to be done.
Is Mother (or MIL) dismayed about her declining health and all the control she has lost over her own life. Is she asserting independence in ways that she can?
I wonder if it is time for a heart-to-heart conversation about what is expected of Mother. What does she think she can contribute? Can the two of you work out a reasonable schedule that isn't based on excuses and that also respects her need to control her day?
After you have come to an agreement about what is expected -- an agreement that she has had some input into and isn't just imposed on her -- could you just not pick up the task if she fails to do it?
I think you want to get to a point where you don't feel like her servant and that she expects to be waiting on hand and foot, and where she doesn't feel she has no control over her life, and she is supposed to not only supposed to do what you say but also when you say so, without regard to what she is doing. If she is living with you, having a mutually respectful relationship will worth the trouble it may take to establish it.
Good luck!
Personally, I'd get my own place. Then she can either become self-reliant or remain a slavedriver with a live-in maid as a doormat. All she'd have to do is ring a bell.
If she's living with you, a realistic "To Do" list and a calendar on the fridge listing who's responsible for what might help. She can sweep around, help with the dishes and fold the laundry while watching TV. If that doesn't work give her a list of ALs to pick from.
In the meantime, a heart-to-heart chat is in order. Resentment festers and makes us do regrettable things, so let her know how you feel without being crude & crass.