Whenever I discuss with my neighbors who are elderly themselves about my mother that has Fronto-temporal dementia they act like it is a big joke and that they have dementia too. They talk like it is the newest faze in senior citizens and that everyone says they have it. I used to like talking to them but now whenever I try to get some support for all of the issues I am dealing with they mock me like it's all in my head. It really irritates me to no end, because I am obviously not making this up. She was diagnosed with FTD several years ago and is gradually getting worse. She no longer can drive and lives in an AL. She is not well at all and needs a lot of help to do normal everyday things. I wish they would listen to me instead of acting like everyone has it and it is just part of aging. If it is normal aging then why do people in their 30's, 40's, and 50's get it? I sent them some literature about it via email and they still don't get it. It is so frustrating!
Throughout history this is how we deal with things we are afraid of. Human nature. If the concept could take hold it might send them into a breakdown. They are too delicate to handle it.
Sweetpeas, they deny it because they can - they still have that luxury. Just as people can continue to imagine that depression equates to feeling a bit blue; that if their baby pukes a lot it's the same as pyloric stenosis; that if they forget what they went into a room for then ha-ha-ho-ho they must be getting dementia… It's not until one of these monsters has you for real by the scruff of the neck that reality dawns on you, and suddenly you lose all sense of humour about it.
If you like them, feel glad for them that as yet they have no need to know better. If it gets on your nerves, take time out from them. If among them are individuals whose continuing friendship and help you badly need, then be patient and continue to explain.
I feel for you. A really good friend, out of true kindness, came to visit last Friday because she'd sensed over the 'phone how miserable I was and wanted to cheer me up. I hugely appreciated her taking the trouble to visit. Her Pollyanna attitude, on the other hand, meant I had to bite my tongue quite a lot and felt relief when she left. Her parents, God bless them, are both dead; her husband copes brilliantly with his severely demented mother (he travels 400 miles twice a month to visit her in her nursing home); my friend will never need to know what it's like to live with that mother-who-is-not-your-mother.
It's very difficult. Be patient with them, but be kind to yourself too. Don't waste effort on explaining to people you don't need to explain to. Be as blunt as you need to be when it matters. And thank God for this forum, where people really do understand what you're going through.
I wouldn't worry about the neighbors. You know they won't be the best support for you. Support groups for people with dementia would be the a good source. We have some around here that are sponsored by churches. I haven't become involved, because I know people won't truly speak their minds if they are in church. To tell the truth, when I am repeating things for the third time and seeing the disorganization of life around me, I have trouble "counting it all joy."
You're totally right. People don't understand. If you've tried explaining it and even sent literature via email and they still don't get it then stop trying to get them to understand. It's a waste of time and effort and energy.
You know that any kind of clinical dementia is not a normal part of aging and I know that any kind of clinical dementia is not a normal part of aging and everyone here knows that any kind of clinical dementia is not a normal part of aging so stop worrying about what your neighbors think. If they ask how your mom is say, "Fine, thanks". You can't beat it into their heads and why would you want to? It's just ignorance on their parts. You've tried to educate them, it didn't work, now move on.
Perhaps there are different types...different parts of the brain effected...different causes...but, all in all, I'm with your friends. If you live long enough, chances are you (our loved ones) are going to get some form of dementia. Personally, it makes no difference what name they give it. Doesn't make a difference what they call it. *shrug*
What bothers me is that your friends/neighbors aren't supporting you in your struggle. And a struggle it is! Maybe they're frightened by it. Perhaps it makes them uncomfortable to talk about it. Mocking you? Get new friends. Maybe what they're really saying is they don't want to talk about it with you.
And that's one of the reasons sites like this are soooo valuable. It lets us know we're not alone. There's much to be learned here -- from people walking the walk. If one has never dealt with a loved one with dementia, they can't begin to have the empathy we need to get much-needed support.
Don't be too hard on them. They're just "neighbors" after all. Get your support elsewhere. It's out there. It's here. It's within your church. Your family. Just tell your neighbors their garden looks pretty. ;)