It was always impossible to suggest to my Mom that she do anything differently than the way she was doing it, even if her way was longer, harder. etc... Now that she has dementia she can be impossible to deal with. She is aware she forgets things. But if she does things that just aren't okay and you try to have a conversation she just thinks she is being lied to. If this was all "the disease" I could feel a lot more compassion. But I have been on the receiving end of this nastiness my whole life. Her illness has turned my life upside down. Fortunately for now she can pay for round the clock care except for a few hours when the night person leaves ( at 6:15) and a few hours before they come back at night. We live in a 4 family house, different apartments. So I am up at 4:30 every morning so I can have a little peaceful wakeup time before I go down to hear whatever crazy went on the night before. I really feel bad for what she's going through (or I would not have taken on the responsibility of being totally on my own as far as being the only person in charge of my Mom. But the nasty just takes a really hard situation and makes it so much worse. I could just use a few words of encouragement. There are no family or friends for that. My only support is from the people who get paid.
All that said, I used to complain that the ALF charges her nearly $5k a month and nowadays I think it's CHEAP at the price. These people are paid to deal with her chronic BS, and so they do. Thank God for ALFs
meds by the infusion center as she urinated in their lobby.....by the way I thought this was a bit sudden...as I asked isn't she going to die without your very expensive infusion shot???so I would like to say that my Mother and Father were respectively at 97 and 90 very agreeable people and in hindsight I dont know other than Dad didn't want anyone changing his diapers.....which is very understandable...………..I still think being naked without any diapers is the healthiest….given the germs and hands from other patients in the NH as well as
the area needs fresh air....do animals get UTI's...………...and Moma got paranoid after her$ 5000 shot for myelodysplasia was stopped given the chemicals in these injections as well as an article in NYT about myelo patients get dementia..
after these infusions well it is a debilitating no oxygen to the blood and brain I suppose so, as well as the mercury in the infusions...my parents were super
nice but were physically incapacited in the end, giving into UTIs and diarehea
but no manipulative behavior other than calling out for their caretaker Son, who died, suddenly exhausted with pneumonia and copd, at 69 years old waiting for the elder father at 97 to well die so he could move back into his house,sad,my brother looked after mom and dad for fifty years as they were uneducated immigrants and they enjoyed eachothers company in their restaurant...but I miss my brother who was resentful as his life was shortened...and I his sister would
eventually live with him.
prior...…...perhaps this is a story of caretaker burnout, and not taking you parent to NH..…...and the caretaker who is exhausted becomes sick with the flu and dies so this is sadder than a mean or crazy parent attacking you as he doesn't want strangers around....or has no money and thinks the kids will do all the work.
For as long as I can remember, Mom has been negative, self-absorbed, controlling, and manipulative, with no empathy for others. She loves to say cruel things and watch her victims flinch with pain. She knows 101 ways to pit one family member against the other. She's no stranger to physical and emotional abuse. Sadly, dementia has only made it worse.
She's 93 and going strong. She's sweet and charming to people outside the family, but she treats us like c - - p. Amazing how, despite mid-stage dementia, her ability to discriminate is intact.
I've minimized contact and come here for emotional support. Only those who have walked through fire understand what it's really like.
That's exactly it. It is amazing how Alzheimer's leaves that aspect of their psyche in tact even during the last years of their life. Agree 100%
My grand mother was the gentlest soul even with dementia. I remember our last conversation. I'd gone to visit her and she smiled so big at me,,,she couldn't remember my name but she knew that she knew me.. She said "I just love you".. I told her "I love you too" She passed a week later.
The new ‘fresh hell’ from her is she never wants to see my dad or I again because we put her in ‘that place’. So we’re praying we can get her a room in a very very nice assisted living home, hoping she’ll be happier.
She’s physically attacked my dad and is abusive verbally to my dad 24/7.
She’s going to put my dad in his grave if they aren’t separated.
So in my family’s case, once hateful, always hateful.
It’s very sad. She’s had everything she’s wanted in life but never been happy. At 17 years old I moved out of my parents house and it took me years to come to terms with this. But I have a happy marriage of many years and a great daughter. I vowed to stop the abuse cycle when I had my daughter.
I hope my mom can find some happiness at the end of her life but also, I’ll continue protecting myself and family from her cruelty.
Granted, it's an older study, but take or leave as you will, the book is interesting. Wishing you the best as we share our common struggles.
situations relieve people from those who dont..and just have to deal with their guilt and no financial help/I just received the bill..Medicaid..not free...
misinformation....at least total for march-july 21...….10,000 my dads social,
Medicaid bill arrived for PAYBACK 13,000, 6000.00 FULL PRICE SNH..
29,000 FOR Dad whom I put in harms way should have kept him home
and brought in caretakers!!!!!what is the point of applying for Medicaid and getting down to 2000 in yr bank account if during the time u apply you get charged full price NH 7000 per month..ITS A SCAM...AND
ENTRAPMENT IM NOT GONNA PAY THIS BILL..FRANKLY THE nh WAS below par,,,many people there had their own caretakers or sitters that they paid..ok enough its called Medicaid payback in your state there is a term...for it...what are all the lawyers for in preplanning...seems the only way to survive...……….is to have Long Term Healthcare Insurance..most do not!
We are most likely still seeing parts of the person they've always been, but with the partial loss of higher control that comes from neural feedback.
Please do not think as this progresses you can do it all by yourself. This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. There is no shame in bringing outside help or sending her to the pro's. Ask the doc for an antianxiety drug. Celexa has performed miracles for us.
"You know that 80-year-old man who's such an *******? The one you excuse for his behavior because he's old? Well, he was most likely an ******* at 30."
I think, for the most part, dad was right.
I have to work really hard not to get mad at him and remember it's the dementia.
I have, however, also read of people that were little sweeties becoming angry and violent (although this is often related to pain and confusion), of introverts becoming more out going ,of angry types becoming mild mannered, etc. I think that as the disease progresses we may forget the life lessons that have formed our personalities and perhaps become more of our true selves???