Is there a place to take mild dementia patient instead of being placed in a dementia ward where most are "gone"?
Father-in-law is in dementia ward at a nursing home. He's not "gone", very aware of what's going on, and his kids feel it's too early for him to be in this environment. His issues are at night, sleep walking, and he has to be supervised so he doesn't wonder off, but overall, can have conversations with you and is aware, and does remember things...is there facilities that can be an in-between since his children believe it's too early to keep him in a dementia facility 24-7. Their step-mother placed him in the facility telling him it was on a trial basis, and that he will be there a month this Saturday. She told him she would move there if the trial worked out, however, the children are getting two different stories from their step-mother and their step-sister. The house is not up for sale yet, and step-sister is selling her home, making the children believe that she may move in with her mother instead of mother moving to the assisted living area of this facility where the children's father is now.
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My mother has dementia and is in a nursing home. It appears to me that many of the other residents also have dementia. This facility also has a "dementia floor." The two criteria for "moving upstairs" are wandering and troublesome, disruptive behavior.
The lovely assisted living facility where my daughter works has a separate unit for "memory care." Yet she tells me that more than half of their "regular" residents have memory problems/dementia. Who needs to be in the special unit? People at risk of wandering, and more than moderate disruptive behaviors.
Hmm ... unfortunately it sounds like your father needs to be in a special secure unit because of the wandering potential. This has nothing to do with your step-mother's behavior or decisions. If he needs skilled nursing he needs to be in a place where he is safe. This is no doubt true for other residents of that unit -- some of them must still be "with it" and are there because of the wandering problem. I hope these people meet up with each other, sit together for lunch, etc.
I agree with Nikki that we really need better ways to care for persons with dementia throughout the entire journey, from mild to severe. But right now we mostly have the "mild" population in with non-dementia residents, and those with more severe symptoms OR wandering in special units.
I am very sorry that you feel your husband's wife could have done more to care for him at home. That is not anything we can judge, but it must make you feel bad to think that way. But at least realize that once there was a decision for Dad to go to a care center, she had no control over the rules about wandering.
At 79, someone should be helping her 24/7 to take care of the husband. If your Dad is to come home, the children should get together and decide how best to help with their time, running errands, providing meals, doctor appointments and staying over night several times a week so his wife can get a full night's sleep.
Instead of getting two different stories, have a family meeting and just talk it all out. I am sure everyone loves Dad and wants only the best for him. It has to be a team effort focused on only how to take care of him to the best of your ability. Being realistic that it may be time for professional care for both his and the wife's health. Best of luck!