My 83 year old mother is starting to forget where she put things and is starting to believe people are stealing from her. My friends told me to get a POA before she isn’t cognitively capable of signing it. So, I asked her to sign a POA. She said she read her tarot cards and will get married again so no need for POA; she won’t be a burden to me. Yet, she hasn’t dated anyone for years. How do I convince her that it’s in her interest? I know it helps me, but she doesn’t seem to think it is an issue. I told her that she can revoke it at anytime so if she gets married, she can do it then. My mom has almost no money except she owns her condo so if I need her to go into AL, I would need the money from the condo to help me pay it so I’m worried what will happen if I am not POA. Do I have to pay for everything until I can apply for help? So new to this!
Without a PoA, and if she needs AL, you won't be able to force her to go. If she's living in her own condo, you will need to report her to APS and when things get "bad enough" they will move for guardianship. The process can differ by state, but this is basically what happens.
And the POA needs to be notarized. You cannot just hand her a form and expect her to sign it. She is suspicious and if I were told to sign something that way, I wouldn't sign it either.
Next, read up on POA, and don't tell your mother taratiddles e.g. that she can revoke it at any time. If it's the sort you need to get her into AL when she is still determined to wait at home for her prince - i.e. a springing durable one - she won't be able to revoke it once it's in effect and that's kind of the point of them: they're designed to protect people with advancing dementia from their own catastrophic decisions.
The only one that can not be revoked is a Durable Mental Health POA. It specifically states that it can not ever be revoked. So no surprises for anyone reading and signing one.
If you want Assisted Living, yes, the condo would need to be sold. Nursing home would be cheaper, but not as nice, and her home could remain an asset until after her death when the state would try to do clawback to get the funds expended through medicaid.
You and Mom should see an elder law attorney. She is not diagnosed now, so this is the time.
If she won't cooperate at all,then when she IS diagnosed it is up to you if you believe you are CAPABLE and if you WANT and understand all that is entailed in being her conservator or guardian. That would be a court procedure. With an unwilling and uncooperative elder I myself would not take this on. It's difficult enough with a well organized and cooperative one.
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