My wife (69) has early onset dementia and I am caring for her at home. Five days ago, I had my first experience with my wife attempting to leave the house. I sleep in a recliner in the front room and she sleeps in the bedroom. I sleep in the front room for many reasons, but mostly so I can be awakened if she walks past me at night. A few days ago, she got up before I did (unusual). When I got up, she was in the family room watching TV. I looked at the door that leads from the kitchen to the garage and it was unlocked and slightly ajar. I opened the door and found that the big garage door was open. I asked her if she tried to leave the house and she said the didn’t remember. The outside temp was in the low 30s, so I am glad she didn’t get out. She is at the point where if she walked 100 ft. she wouldn’t know where she was and might not be able to identify our house if she was standing in front of it.
I want to secure the exterior doors of the house at night so she can’t get out, and so I can get some sleep. I have looked at some options online. It seems as though alarms that make a lot of noise are prevalent. I am a little leery of these as they might startle my wife and cause a fall or other negative behaviors.
I have checked with a local locksmith and they could put double deadbolts on the doors that lead to the garage or outside. We currently have deadbolts on all the doors as well as button locks on the handles. If I had the double deadbolts, I could lock the three doors and know that she couldn’t get out. In the morning, I would unlock the doors since I am always in the house with her. At night I thought I could wear a key around my neck in case of an emergency.
I was hoping I could find a keyless double deadbolt and eliminate the key, but all that is made is a keypad on the inside and a turn knob on the outside. That wouldn’t work because then we would have to rely on the button locks alone to have the house locked.
What kinds of experiences have members of the forum had with this kind of situation? Do you have any recommendations on what works and what doesn’t?
Thank you.
Creque
“After that experience I purchased one of those double keyed locks for the front door and kept the key myself so this wouldn't happen again. One summer afternoon, however, I had fallen asleep on the couch, and when I awoke, I didn't see her. She wasn't in the house. The front door was still locked, but I noticed a window open and the screen off. She couldn't get out the front door, so she left through the window! She's 73 years old and she's climbing out of windows! Once again, I got in the car to look for her and found her walking in the street with a pad of paper and a pencil in her hand. She mentioned something about school buses. I told her that all the buses already left and that it was time to come back home. She agreed. After that I secured the windows also.”
Certainly securing your home like Fort Knox isn't the answer, I knew that. These dangerous delusions, along with the request to “go home”, and confusing the closet for the bathroom, I realized the care she needed was beyond my capability. I had to find her a new “home”, somewhere she would be safe, have her meds properly managed, and understand her illness better than I did. I couldn't care for her at home and realized that placement in an MC facility WAS caring for her.
I don't know what other behaviors your wife is exhibiting, or if you feel you can still safely and emotionally care for her at home, I'm just relating my experience. So keep an open mind about the future, and don't make any promises.
The deterrent door lock I recommend can only be used from the inside. That means someone else has to be inside to lock it, which means the dementia patient isn't alone.
Next time, don't jump to conclusions too quickly. Think before you post.
I had the garage door opener by the door changed to a coded opener so that in order to open the garage door you need to put in a code just like you use if you have a coded opener outside. This prevented my Husband from opening the garage door.
If you have a porch, on my porch I out a gate by the stairs and had a latch put on it so that I could put a lock on it so he could not get out if he did happen to open the front door. The back yard has a fence so I put locks on the gates there as well.
Simple hook and eye or slide lock might work if you put it up high so she either does not see it or can not reach it.
In my situation, I extended the main unit into my bedroom and stuffed a pile of clothes on top so I could easily hear it in the middle of the night without being sent into a stupefied frenzy each time. A simpler option would be to go wireless (or use a baby monitor if you are a light sleeper).
Installing sensor lights might make things safer for LO and also alert you to movement.
Regarding doors, I found it easiest to cover the handle/latch with a cardboard box (a folded paper would do) - out of sight, out of mind :).
Without handles, doors look like walls and this can be a deterrent (as long as memory isn't too persistent/retentive). I have also placed a sheet of ply in front of the door which makes things even more complex for the would-be escapee...
https://www.amazon.com/Defender-Security-10827-Door-Reinforcement/dp/B00D2K367Y/ref=asc_df_B00D2K367Y?tag=bingshoppinga-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80607997944734&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=t&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4584207577081358&psc=1
Husband hasn't wandered since. I have some peace of mind that if there are problems here, the local police know how to help if it comes to that.